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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or is he??

90 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2010 21:33

DP came in from work at around 4.15, I had only got in about 4pm. Anyway there was no dinner ready as I had been out and about. So he came in and made himself a vesta chow mein (

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purplepeony · 04/04/2010 21:34

This is mad- so between you coming in, him coming in and him eating Vesta- neither of you discussed a) what yu were going tohave to eat (together by any chance?) and what your son was going to eat? do you live in some sort of castle where the rooms are so far apart that you cannot see, hear or speak to each other?

FGS woman get a grip and organise some proper healthy food for yourself, your DP and your son.

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/04/2010 21:55

Purplepony, can i ask do you have a problem reading??? because I have already stated more than once

DS2 HAD ALREADY EATEN and I ALWAYS COOK HEALTHY MEALS. YESTERDAY I HAD BEEN IN 10-15 MINUTES BEFORE DP AND HE KNEW I WAS GOING TO COOK A DINNER.

Did that make it easier for you to read??

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TheLadyEvenstar · 04/04/2010 21:56

oh and also
DP KNEW I WAS GOING TO COOK DINNER AS HE HAD SPOKEN TO ME BEFORE HE CAME IN.

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yummumto3girls · 04/04/2010 21:59

We all have lazy days but if my husband went in to the kitchen and cooked his own meal without cooking for the rest of the family I would never cook for him again!!! (he has a home cooked meal on the table every night) I am fortunate I am a SAHM but weekends cooking is completely shared.

chiccadee · 04/04/2010 22:04

TLE - I think some of these posts have been a bit unfair/judgey, esp given your subsequent posts re regularly cooking healthy meals for the whole family, eating together etc.

My DH is rubbish when he is hungry - he'll go from being a complete darling to a grumpy caveman without a good word to say about anything until he's eaten. It's multiplied if something is bothering him and he hasn't yet found the words to say what that is (which can sometimes take a while) It doesn't make him a bad person, just human.

What I'm trying to say is that I think your DH did act unreasonably in cooking a meal for himself, when he knew you were about to cook for the whole family. His language was also unreasonable. But, sometimes we all have off days and - as I think you have suggested - maybe there was something else bothering him which accounts for the poor behaviour.

My advice, for what it's worth (if anything) is forgive and forget if you possibly can - we all have grumpy days.

purplepeony · 04/04/2010 23:00

OP- yes, i re-read after my 1st post but it still seems as if you cannot communciate with each other.
Look, I know this will upset you but it has to be spelled out bluntly.

You are overweight, your P is overweight and it looks as if your son is overweight too. he had already eaten yet you allowed him to pinch your dinner. That isn't good for any child as it isn't healthy and it doesn't teach any manners, good eating habits etc etc. He is 2 years old FGS. How can you "allow" him toeat your food if you don't want him to?

Your DP's behaviour was out of order.

yummumto3girls · 04/04/2010 23:09

Purplepeony - you really don't need to be so rude and offensive to the OP

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/04/2010 23:37

LMFAO @ DS2 being over weight!!!
I have a belly still remaining from having DS2 and eating at the wrong times.

DP works odd hours and drives for a living, he also eats at the wrong times and gets very little exercise.

If you care to look at my profile - any of you- you will see that I nor DS2 are overweight.

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OTTMummA · 04/04/2010 23:39

at 5ft 8 and 12 st she is hardly busting at the seams purplepeony!

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/04/2010 23:40

Yummyto, some people feel the need to be rude and offensive, luckily for me I am not easily offended eh

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TheLadyEvenstar · 04/04/2010 23:52

Yummyto, some people feel the need to be rude and offensive, luckily for me I am not easily offended eh

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purplepeony · 05/04/2010 08:25

If you allow your 2yr old to eat other people's food after they have had their ownm eals- to the extent that you go hungry- then you are setting them up for bad eating habits later in life.

If you aren't overweight why are you on a diet?

elmofan · 05/04/2010 09:49

purplepeony - in TLE previous posts she has explained that she has gone on a diet to keep her dp company ,

chris481 · 05/04/2010 09:57

I think I might have reacted in a similar way to him, and that his action in swearing at you was much less violent than what you did to him.

He was doing nothing unusual or unreasonable, i.e. nothing that you hadn't both done during the previous hour or two. He was sitting watching TV and, because he was hungry, eating. Out of the blue he's implicitly accused of selfishness for not giving some of the food that was the solution to his hunger pangs to someone whose blood sugar he has no direct experience of, and who he would in any case have expected (in terms of established precedent) to solve such problem for herself by getting something from the fridge.

It would have been reasonable (before he started eating) for you to ask for some of his before resorting to getting your own, though once I've lined up an appropriate quantity of food, it would make me very grumpy to have some of it snatched from under my nose.

I'd take an accusation of selfishness very seriously. In terms of my emotions, it would be much worse than being sworn at, as your were, and worse than a physical assault like a hard punch on the shoulder, say.

Being asked to do something for someone is one thing. Being asked why you haven't done what it never crossed your mind to do amounts to being convicted and punished for a crime you didn't know had occurred, and had no opportunity to avoid. (The punishment being the disaproval of a loved one.)

All your background information is probably irrelevant, as there's no reason to believe he processed any of it. That's not to say he was unaware of the parts of it that existed outside your head, merely that he probably never connected any of it with what he was doing. I think his experience was: he was hungry, he ate, then he suffered an unprovoked attack from the person closest to him.

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/04/2010 18:47

I didn't attack him I made a simple comment. And he could not have been that hungry he had not long eaten his choice of dinner.

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