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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not really want to give my toddler a cup of tea?

92 replies

goandshowdaddy · 02/04/2010 18:08

My MIL is always asking me whether I've given my DS (22 months old) a cup of tea yet. I haven't and don't really feel the need to!

AIBU to not give him a cuppa every once in a while? I'm not really sure why I don't want to - don't have any hard facts about whether it's good or bad for him but just don't feel like he's missing out by not having it.

MIL says she used to be given tea with a bit of sugar in it to make it taste nicer...

OP posts:

Rockbird · 02/04/2010 18:10

Up to you completely. Generations of children were given tea, DD (26 months) has half a cup every now and again, by no means regularly but she loves stealing mine. I don't see anything wrong in it but I also don't think you should give your ds something you don't want to. Tell her you'll give it when he's old enough to make it for you

thefinerthingsinlife · 02/04/2010 18:10

I use to let dd drink the drews of my tea, but i dont see the point of making her own

melpomene · 02/04/2010 18:11

YANBU. There's no need to give children tea, and it can inhibit the absorption of iron.

He won't be missing out.

Pozzled · 02/04/2010 18:11

YANBU. My DD (20 months) has never tasted tea. But then I grew up not drinking tea/coffee and I never felt that I missed out! I'm like you, I just don't see the need to give it.

But then, I will give her squash and a lot of the mums I know will give sips of tea but are horrified at the thought of squash. Horses for courses I guess.

MintHumbug · 02/04/2010 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vjg13 · 02/04/2010 18:13

I've seen toddlers with sweetened tea in bottles. Was about 15 years ago.

SusieCarmichael · 02/04/2010 18:14

yanbu tea is disgusting! its official, i said so! you can all stop pretending you like it now

dizzydixies · 02/04/2010 18:15

no tea for any of mine either , DH drinks it but I don't

what does she think he's missing out on ??

lovemyangels · 02/04/2010 18:15

You can get de caff!

LisaD1 · 02/04/2010 18:17

When I was growing up we were regularly given tea, as were my sisters children (she started a few years before me), and often in a bottle. My mum used to go on and on at me to do the same for mine but I never have. My reasoning is that I have a serious caffeine addiction (I drink coffee after coffee and get very grumpy without it)and it's not something I want to pass to my children. They are 10 and 2 and have never had tea (no matter how hard my mum has tried!)

I would never judge anyone who did give their child tea but for me it's a no.

Original poster

goandshowdaddy · 02/04/2010 18:21

Thanks - yes, the caffeine thing was one of my thoughts against it. Interesting about the iron absorption too - more ammunition!

To be honest, I do sometimes feel like saying no to her just to piss her off (I am mean ), which is why I asked you lot so I could give her a real reason.

When he was a baby, she went on and on about when I could give him salt in his food as she cooks with about a ton of it for each meal and I wouldn't let him eat it! I felt mean then too but I know I was right.

OP posts:

MissAnneElk · 02/04/2010 18:23

I have never given my DDs tea or coffee. I drink mine without milk or sugar, so they have never been tempted to drink mine. DD1 is now 16 and has no desire to drink either which I think is a bit of shame really as I've always thought it a bit odd when adults don't drink either. DD2 is 13 and likes an occasional Starbucks or Costa coffee as a treat.

diddl · 02/04/2010 18:26

Just because people used to do it doesn´t mean that it has to be carried on, does it?

Mine are teenagers & we have only just started offering tea-and still don´t offer coffee.

becklespeckle · 02/04/2010 18:28

YANBU to not give your DS tea if you don't want to, he's your son, its your choice

DD (2.2) kept asking me for a cup of tea so I made her some to keep her quiet but she didn't like it and hasn't asked again. My DSs haven't ever had it as they never asked.

lovemyOJ · 02/04/2010 18:30

as some one above said, the consuption of tea inhibits the absorbtion of iron and isnt recoomended to be given to children. my MIL also keeps saying about giving the kids tea, she did for my nephew. my kids havent and wont have any untill they are much much older. and also in agreement with the post about children trying to grab my hot cup of tea and scalding themselfs (even though i do put it our of reach as best i can)

Willabywallaby · 02/04/2010 18:35

My ILs are always trying to give my DS1 tea I said no because of the reduced absorption. FIL 'it didn't do me any harm'. Thankfully MIL told him it's my choice. And adding sugar as well

BuzzingNoise · 02/04/2010 18:36

YANBU.

ChunkyPickle · 02/04/2010 18:40

I find myself very confused... if he hasn't asked for tea, why on earth would you bother giving it to him?

Drinking milk or fruit juice you could argue have things in that are good for a child, but I can't see any benefit in tea, so why not leave him drinking what he does right now?

weird.. very weird.

Seona1973 · 02/04/2010 18:43

its the tannin in tea that inhibits iron absorption so giving decaff wouldnt help. My dd (6) hasnt had tea as she doesnt want to try it but ds (3) has had the occasional sip of mine.

skidoodly · 02/04/2010 18:46

SusieCarmichael is right

drinking boiled leaves mixed with mammary fluids is disgusting

wonderingwondering · 02/04/2010 18:49

Tea is seen as a sociable thing, just like eating together, that's why people include young children when everyone else is having a cup of tea.

I didn't like my DS drinking it, didn't see the point myself, but my MIL used to give it to my DS.

At 22 months, I think the occasional milky, weak tea with sugar is hardly going to cause any harm. At that age they are just a few months off parties, fruit shoots and McD's. And if they have older siblings, are probably already well in thrall to Haribo and Jaffa cakes.

OP, would you feel the same if your own parent or sibling were doling out the tea? You say you say no just to make a point sometimes - that's really unhealthy. Think about what your boundaries are and enforce them, but otherwise, try to reconcile yourself with the fact that your PIL love your son, and will only want what's good for him.

WidowWadman · 02/04/2010 18:49

Up to you really. When he's not asking for it, no reason to introduce it. There's nothing wrong with giving or not giving tea, it's purely up to you.

My daughter loves pinching the occasional sip of coffee from me, which I don't refuse her, doesn't mean that I think every child should try it.

WidowWadman · 02/04/2010 18:51

(it's without sugar btw)

pigletmania · 02/04/2010 18:56

Nothing wrong with a bit o tea every now and again. My dd likes tea once or twice a week, I give her very weak defacaff tea, with a little suger, tried without and she did not want it. You do not have to give it to your dc, my dd wanted it because she saw me having it as we are a family of tea drinkers

clousseau99 · 02/04/2010 19:04

When my son had to change to soya milk at 6yrs which is an aquired taste (now considering alternatives due to the issues surrounding high levels of oestrogen - another story), we allowed him caffine free tea with no sugar so that he could start to get used to the taste. I am happy to say that he drinks the milk now without but still enjoys the odd cup of decaf in the morning. With most things, in moderation is the key, but again you are the parent and you must not let pressure from MIL persuade you otherwise. I am sure all of us here have run ins about how things used to be and how time has shown that old fashioned methods are not always the best. Equally, we can learn things from our mums - still not sure about the use of brandy for teething problems and certainly never used this! Although if I'm drinking it it may help . Mum knows best - go with your gut

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