Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to not have to explain to husband

93 replies

Fibilou · 02/04/2010 07:43

why i do not want to be separated from DD (8 weeks) for over 24 hours just so his mother can have her in the house overnight ?

Backstory - I am going for a pamper day on the 20th April and DH is taking DD for the day. This would mean me leaving her from about 9am unti about 6pm (she is exclusively breast fed)

Last night DH said something about "you'll need to express a lot of milk because I intend to take her to Mum's overnight".

At this point a row erupted as I said there was no way he was having her overnight as well as all day, I won't go into it as it was rather tedious but basically it boils down to "I want a turn". In the end I stopped trying to justify my reasons for not wanting her away overnight and said "I don't want to be away from her that long"

AIBU to think I shouldn't have to get upset and defensive explaining to my own husband why I don't want to be away from my very small baby for quite such a long time ?

OP posts:

RunawayWife · 03/04/2010 17:07

There was no way he was having her overnight as well as all day????

Um is he the hired help or the childs father?
Why oh why do mothers think they are the be all and end all to a baby.

I am sure your DH is quite capable of looking after his child for a whole day and a whole night, how do you think he feels being told he is not capable to look after his own child for 24 hours.

Chulita · 03/04/2010 19:01

I went on a pamper day when DD was about 6 months and expressed twice while I was there. About a week later DH and I had an anniversary night away in London and I had to express 6 times, 3 of which involved me waking up with massively engorged boobs. DD was fine but I won't be doing it quite so early with this next LO simply because it didn't give me a night off. DH and I will stick to going out for the evening but overnight was too much effort!
I hope you manage to work this out but you should explain to your DH why you don't want to be away from your baby overnight.

Casserole · 03/04/2010 19:33

OP put it off till baby is feeding less.

Honestly, by lunchtime you won't be able to lie on your front cos you'll be engorged, on your back your boobs will leak everywhere, you'll end up sitting miserably in the toilets pumping (I've done this, it ain't fun) AND all the lushest treatments with gorgeous smelling oils will be off limits to you cos you're breastfeeding anyway.

Don't do it!!

CliffBarnsby · 03/04/2010 19:47

RunawayWife - but she is breastfeeding, so she does in fact need to be there. I don't think this about trusting her DH. She said that the baby doesn't like to go to sleep for the night without nursing (will take bottle during day) - so it would be stressful for all involved if he were to stay over his Mother's.

FabIsGettingThere · 03/04/2010 20:00

I am completely

Baby is 8 weeks.
Mum is going to a salon for pampering 9-6pm.
Baby will be at home with dad.
Dad wants to take baby to spend the night at his mothers alone.

Is that right?

How does her think he is going to feed the baby?
Why does he feel the need to say it is his turn?
Why that night?
Does he want the baby but can't do it alone so needs his mums help?

MaMight · 03/04/2010 20:02

What an extraordinary thread.

MeltedEggintheRadiator · 03/04/2010 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DebiNewberry · 03/04/2010 20:15

Agree. 8 weeks is very tiny and for those short weeks the mother is the be all and end all. My dh was SO proud of my bf-ing the babies, he supported me and I fed our dc. If the baby is breastfed, the father is NOT capable of meeting that babies needs for 24 hours, clearly.

wonka · 03/04/2010 20:15

What did the OP decide to do she seems to have gone?

Onestonetogo · 03/04/2010 20:21

YANBU!

RunawayWife · 03/04/2010 20:31

If she needs to be there then she should put the pamper day on hold till the baby is older

CirrhosisByTheSea · 03/04/2010 20:38

agree Ma I am just reading this thread feeling as if I have landed on another planet populated by people who can write such posts as Fibi and Posieparker have. Fibi I'm just confused as indeed it does sound as if your DH is an XH and there is less communication there than I have with my postman! And posie, yuck what a horrible post to stress....utterly nasty implying lack of connection etc - and not even accurate as stress has NOT said she had nights away etc

Blimey. Twilight zone. Think I better go and surf the net doing something more productive!

FanjolinaJolie · 03/04/2010 21:14

What Casserole said

fidelma · 03/04/2010 22:27

I could never leave my babies at this stage no matter how much I needed to, their needs come first and not having there life sorce for 24 hours is not an option in my opinion.

My youngest is 6 months and the longest I have been parted is 2 hours for a root canal.

Yes I would of liked a spa day but my baby would of been misrable.

The spa day is even too long never mind the over night also.

When you have a baby your life changes and you need to accept this.

FakePlasticTrees · 03/04/2010 22:46

I've typed out a long message which i've just deleted. It can be summerised as this:

At 8 weeks and breast feeding, you aren't two separate people yet. You're still a single unit.

You need to allow for this, and your DH needs to allow for this.

Cancel your pamper day, it'll be hell anyway. A couple of 1 hour treatments would be far more fun.

fidelma · 03/04/2010 22:58

Fakeplastictrees very well put.

Lite · 03/04/2010 23:00

Some men feel useless when us superwomen take over all the child care. Then they get extreme and make demands like in this case.

Perhaps you could start to build up his confidence with the baby at home i.e leave him to do more - so he doesn't get rebellious and make demands, which presumably he knows will make you uncomfortable.

Adopt the aikido principle

Casserole · 04/04/2010 14:51

And when you do reschedule it for, say, September, can we all come too??

I'll hold your baby while you pop for a manipedi

Flip

1 2 3 4