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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To struggle to forget this

67 replies

ElementOfFreedom · 01/04/2010 22:13

When I was pregnant we visited my MIL, whom I do not always get along with. Please note I do have a history of OCD tendencies so try not to be too harsh if you think I am overreacting. She prepared a meal for us, which I was helping to prepare, and I observed her touching raw chicken, barely rinsing her hands, touching the packaging, then preparing salad. I actually asked her to wash her hands, what with me being pregnant and all, and she said "no" she wouldn't. I ate some of the meal in order to keep the peace, then regretted it, although in the end I was fine. AIBU to still feel bothered by the fact she was so rude/inconsiderate, and AIBU to not want my DS to eat at her house?

OP posts:
skidoodly · 01/04/2010 22:14

sounds like your ocd is not history

Original poster
ElementOfFreedom · 01/04/2010 22:16

Fair enough, I think I need a reality check if that is the case.

OP posts:
outnumbered2to1 · 01/04/2010 22:16

given that the chance of food poisoning from chicken is quite hight i reckon YANBU but maybe your OCD is clouding your judgement re your son

mamas12 · 01/04/2010 22:16

Not at all.
My mil's hygene was and still is shocking.
She once gave my 2yr old ds food poisoning which resulted in severe d and v.
Since then we never ate there again, alway took her out to lunch or something instead.

mamas12 · 01/04/2010 22:17

Sorry I realise that's not helping the ocd but you've got to be confident about what you're eating when you're pg haven't you.

SusieCarmichael · 01/04/2010 22:18

agree with outnumbered...

what exactly do you mean by 'barely rinsed' out of curiosity

ben10isgr8 · 01/04/2010 22:19

YABU

She did rinse her hands..although you are right that washing would have been safer. I think that, like me, OCD and history are making you hold a grudge.

It is in the past and no harm came to any of you so let it go (easier said than done)

As for your ds, i'm sure your Mil will take care of him. If all else fails...take your own food when you visit...oh, I thought you would be tired so I made this.......

pebbles77 · 01/04/2010 22:20

URNBU
Surely it's just common decency even without pregnant people to wash hands and clean chopping areas when dealing with raw meat and therefore with someone pregnant (AND the fact that you're her DIL) means she should have been even more careful.
I would have been annoyed
HOWEVER i think with family one has to take a deep breath cos i don't think it's right to keep DC away from them. Could you get your DH to say something to her before your DS goes and stays.

skidoodly · 01/04/2010 22:21

you are right that her food prep hygiene was not what it should have been, but the fact that you are still thinking about it months later, even though there were no ill effects, and scared for your son to eat in her house, sounds to me like ocd talking

sorry if terse. typing one-handed

pebbles77 · 01/04/2010 22:21

Sorry - YANBU rather than URNBU

hocuspontas · 01/04/2010 22:22

I'm paranoid about raw chicken so YANBU in my book.

Spero · 01/04/2010 22:27

I would be interested to know what the statistics are (if any) about people getting ill from the type of behaviour you describe.

My kitchen hygiene sounds about on a par with your MIL's and I've never given myself or anyone else food poisoning in my kitchen.

Surely, packaged chicken from a reputable food source can hardly be crawling with dangerous bacteria shortly after being released from its packaging? Yes, granted, if you leave it out uncovered for a few hours and then don't cook it very well etc, etc but I struggle to see what was so reprehensible about the behaviour you describe.

Unless someone can enlighten me with some reference to how likely this is to be a danger. I don't want to make myself or my daughter ill, but it hasn't happened so far in the 20 or so years I've been in charge of my own kitchen. Surely that can't just be down to luck?

ilovepiccolina · 01/04/2010 22:31

I wonder why she refused to wash her hands? Maybe she didn't like you 'telling her what to do'. She probably knew she shouldn't have needed telling.

I had something similar once with FIL. He chopped up some chicken, then scooped it up in his hands into the pan, dripping it over a bowl of salad as he did so. I just calmly said 'We're not eating that salad'. He hit the roof, but tough. I have eaten there since, and just sincerely hoped it was a one-off.

So, YANBU. However, I do think you should let it go. It's history.

flameproofsuit · 01/04/2010 22:33

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I'm no Nigella but I'm always very careful to wash my hands properly after handling raw chicken. It can be very dangerous.

Some of the answers on this thread are minging!

ilovepiccolina · 01/04/2010 22:34

Spero, we're told that lots of chicken has salmonella. If it's cooked properly, fine. It's the fact that she had it on her hands & then may've got it on the salad.

Original poster
ElementOfFreedom · 01/04/2010 22:34

Thank you, I completely agree that the OCD makes it much worse (I actually had to stay off work after I was so stressed ) but I'm glad some of you can see where I'm coming from.

Susie - She turned the tap on and put her hands under for literally a second.

The thing is I don't trust her hygiene overall, she doesn't seem to link food prep with handwashing, and she has dogs/cats that frequently go into the kitchen and jump up at the work surfaces (which do not get cleaned before food prep). I can't stop thinking about if I had got ill, would it have had any effect on my pregnancy? Does anyone know, or would it just have made me a bit sick for a few days?

OP posts:
ilovepiccolina · 01/04/2010 22:34

Raw chicken, on her hands.

Spero · 01/04/2010 22:35

Seriously? So a bit of dripping from a raw chicken is going to make you very ill? But how? Am I being dense? What is so dangerous about the raw chicken, if you have only just taken it out of the packaging?

Genuinely interested. Either I have an unusally strong constitution, or we are getting just a little bit disconnected from reality around food.

TheCrackFox · 01/04/2010 22:35

YANBU

I do not have OCD but raw chicken can be jam packed with Salmonella and I would have refused to eat it.

flameproofsuit · 01/04/2010 22:36

How to Handle Chicken Safely:

Raw chicken and poultry can carry the salmonella bacteria, which is responsible for more cases of food poisoning than any other pathogen. Fortunately it's easy to avoid getting sick from chicken and poultry, as long as you follow safe food handling practices.

LadyBlaBlah · 01/04/2010 22:37

I think it sounds like more of a case of "it's not what you say, but how you say it"

Spero · 01/04/2010 22:38

O dear. My cat often jumps up on work surfaces. I don't encourage it and yet she does.

But here I am, still alive.

Surely, if food was as dangerous as you say, hardly anyone would be alive. Aren't we getting just a teensy bit precious about some things? What about people in developing countries? What are mortality rates re disease as against poor food hygiene?

I just wonder if this is something that people feel strongly about, yet have no evidential basis for their beliefs.

ilovepiccolina · 01/04/2010 22:38

It's not sterile when it goes into the packaging, is it? The poor chickens are infected. If they're cooked properly the bacteria are killed. But the raw chicken has lots of bacteria, which can be transferred onto salad, which isn't cooked.

My DH is a scientist and he insists that I wash meat under the tap before cooking it, to wash off the germs! (IMO that's just spreading the germs all round the sink )

flameproofsuit · 01/04/2010 22:39

Skidoodly where does it say it happened months ago?

TheCrackFox · 01/04/2010 22:39

Dh is a chef and would sack any chef for not washing hands after handling raw meat.

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