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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To struggle to forget this

67 replies

ElementOfFreedom · 01/04/2010 22:13

When I was pregnant we visited my MIL, whom I do not always get along with. Please note I do have a history of OCD tendencies so try not to be too harsh if you think I am overreacting. She prepared a meal for us, which I was helping to prepare, and I observed her touching raw chicken, barely rinsing her hands, touching the packaging, then preparing salad. I actually asked her to wash her hands, what with me being pregnant and all, and she said "no" she wouldn't. I ate some of the meal in order to keep the peace, then regretted it, although in the end I was fine. AIBU to still feel bothered by the fact she was so rude/inconsiderate, and AIBU to not want my DS to eat at her house?

OP posts:

Scorpette · 01/04/2010 23:11

Thanks, Crackfox, but unfortunately they live in deepest, darkest Devon and don't like going out. And when the nearest restaurant is about an hour away and the most exotic thing they sell is scampi in a basket, then there's not much bloody point. We only go down there twice a year anyway

PS There's never any soap in their bathrooms (yep, big posh house). When I asked for some for ours (me and DP), she looked at me weirdly and said 'why?'. Jesus wept.

Scorpette · 01/04/2010 23:15

My pleasure, ElementOfFreedom. I too can be slightly OCD, but I like to ask myself 'which came first - OCD or skanky bastards?'!

Original poster

ElementOfFreedom · 01/04/2010 23:15

Oh Scorpette you're going to have to tell me your coping strategies! Its like Deja Vu - wet wipes only in one bathroom, when we washed our hand downstairs after she thought we were weird!

OP posts:

Original poster

ElementOfFreedom · 01/04/2010 23:15

*hands

OP posts:

TheCrackFox · 01/04/2010 23:19

No Soap

My MIL makes me feel like a complete slattern but I love her really.

skidoodly · 01/04/2010 23:26

Yes, it would be really crazy to bring it up now.

If she's selfish (and her refusal to wash her hands when she knows about your OCD and when you were pregnant is horrible) then you should talk to your husband and come up with coping strategies for how to deal with her when she's nearer to you.

Scorpette · 01/04/2010 23:48

EOfF, my so-called coping strategy is to try and be as nice as possible whilst trying to get through to her, doing stuff like pointing out she's not washed her hands after touching raw meat, as though she would usually but has clearly forgotten just that once (s'yeah, right!), offering to help - which she refuses - and then sneakily cleaning stuff/throwing away manky foil (I pretend I forgot about her foil insanity) when she's not around! But sadly, my coping strategy mainly consists of taking DP* aside and slagging her and her skankiness off, ranting about how it makes me feel sick and how she's not normal and insisting that he tackles her about it (especially that he must do when I finally get pg). Which he never does, but that's a Relationships thread in itself

Unfortunately, the reality of the situation when I'm down there is that I feel constantly tense and grubby and worry about what I'm eating, etc. She also uses chemical cleaning products and lots of sprays, which I'm allergic to and not only does she pretend she doesn't know this, she will literally spray things I'm holding when she's cleaning. She just goes blank when she then sees me wheezing and scratching at my throat, etc. She then says she didn't know I'm allergic to chemicals, even though I will leap up and yell things like 'please don't spray that near me, it'll make me ill!' at her as she approaches! Strangely, the house is covered in dust but looks otherwise spotless as she always sprays everything with Cillit Band, etc. I'm always ill after a few days there - allergic reactions and stomach upsets - and take at least a week to recover once we're back.

What is wrong with some people?!

*She's not technically my MIL, as I'm not married to DP, but I can't be arsed to write 'DP's Mum'!

Scorpette · 01/04/2010 23:52

Ooops, sorry, that was v long - is just good to have a rant. And to know I'm not alone in this matter (although, of course, I wish it was otherwise).

ouryve · 01/04/2010 23:54

OCD aside, YANBU. It's just plain basic food hygiene, for goodness sake!

FourOfFour · 02/04/2010 00:02

Well, up until a couple of weeks ago, I was very blase about food hygiene; I fell into the camp of 'if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger'

That was until I left a Camembert out of the fridge overnight and ate it on some crusty bread for lunch the next day.

As I sat there, on the loo at 2am with a bucket in front of me, I made a pledge to the god of food hygiene that forever more I would have some respect for bugs, bacteria etc...seriously, it took me a week to get over that.

YANBU at all, and I would definitely have said something. Sadly now, I don't think you can really do so in retrospect.

If she does anything similar again, just refuse to eat it. You would be well within your rights to do so. DItto (multiplied by 100) for your DS.

Original poster

ElementOfFreedom · 02/04/2010 20:35

Thanks again Scorpette, I don't mind you having a good rant, its nice to know I'm not alone with this issue either!

OP posts:

FlookCrow · 02/04/2010 21:33

I can't believe she refused!

What a moo

bicep · 02/04/2010 22:00

You don't sound like a mad cow, OP. I can understand your guilt that you let your son down for not standing up to her - it's easy to feel guilt over anything when you're a mum (I do anyway!). I can also understand the pent up anger. OCD or not, that's really gross and not hygienic at all.

YA defo NBU.

tasmaniandevilchaser · 02/04/2010 22:13

YA def def def NBU. She is a disgusting, selfish old cow to do that when you were pg. If she was my MIL, I wouldn't eat there - go to restaurants or offer to bring lunch, actually no, just bring lunch, in the guise of 'helping'.

Not washing hands after handling raw meat is filthy and I don't have OCD. I totally understand about feeling guilty for not standing up for your ds as well.

SleepingLion · 02/04/2010 22:16

I understand your reaction at the time but I don't understand why you are describing it so melodramatically now, months after the event.

Yes, it doesn't suggest your MIL has great standards of hygiene in the kitchen so bear that in mind next time you go there - offer to cook yourself, perhaps, or suggest you eat out - but why all the angst? Nobody died - you didn't even get a mild stomach upset! If you had in fact become sick as a result I could completely understand but as it is...

usualsuspect · 02/04/2010 22:21

Is it only MIL 's that have bad food handling pratices?

Popzie · 02/04/2010 22:24

Grrrr, people who don't wash their hands really piss me off. I often worry about men handling their bits when they go to the toilet and not then wash their hands before cooking etc. If you really take notice, you'll be shocked how few people actually wash their hands properly at all - especially men.

Sorry - I can't help ranting about this subject as I think it's filthy. And I don't have OCD.

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