Fusy children who is responsible?

[Lonnie]

the wedding with the curry menu made me write this so I gues its not so much a am "I" being unresonable as it is a is it resonable to expect others to cather for your fussy child/your own fussyness

I have a fussy child she is 6 she regularly gets served a bowl of plain rice or a slice of bread for dinner when she refuses to try stuff she hasnt. I dont make a big deal out of it but neither will I pamper to it. If we have been invited out for meals I ensure I have a small amount of snacks in my bag for her (less so now at age 6 as ther is always something but definetly when she was younger) I accept it is "my" child that is fussy and I do not expect the world to revolve around this.

No do I make 2-3-4 different meals I will expect genuine dislikes (dd1 doesnt like mash potatoes - she has a few boiled put aside - ds doesnt like rice he gets a slice of bread dd2 isnt keen on green grapes I dont expect her to eat them) I do not accept today i will eat tomatoes but tomorrow I wont however on Wednesday I will throw a tantrum when you dont have any.. I was shocked to discover recently that many of my childrens friends come from homes where the parents regularly cook 2-4 different meals. To me that is unresonable and it also in my opinion have us raising a bunch of induviduals whom belives everything can be changed their way and there for doesnt teach tolerance and a certain willingness to work together.

I am not advocating we start serving vindaloo to small children not am I suggesting we force feed them however in my book there is nothing wrong with a slice of bread and butter if you decide today you do not like the meal you last week had 3 portions off.

What is everyones opinion? if you have a fussy child do you expect others to cater for that or do you see it as your own issue to deal with if you do not have a fussy child how do you view fussy children? what about adults (I know 1 grown up man whom wont eat vegetables at home - he ate a vegetarian meal at my house when it was served and even said it was nice - for the record I didnt know about the veggie refusal at home until after they had been for dinner lol)

what do you think what is resonable in this what is unresonable?

If getting a child to prepare and cook a meal was all it took to get them eating, we would all have done it by now. My child, like many children, has serious food issues which go beyond a little fickleness.

She's 9. She helps me prepare and cook food for the whole family. Then doesn't eat it.

She makes chocolate muffins, but won't eat them, as she's not keen on cake. She'll peel carrots and chop green beens, but won't eat them.

Instead, if I ask her to try something 'new',ie outside her comfy range, she'll 'gip' or gag over it, threatening to vomit not in words, but by actions. She genuinely doesn't want to do this, but she can't bear the textures or tastes of most of our food.

I don't think anyone really understands this problem unless they've had a truly fussy child. Then they know it's not a quick fix, just don't be so soft, get them involved, kind of problem.

Squilly I wasn't trying to suggest it would work for everyone or any child with serious issues. It's worked for us with DS who's issue was more about asserting his independence than anything else. I'm not sure jumping down my throat is really necessary. Think I'll bow out thanks.

DastardlyandSmugly - The 'why don't you get them to help you prepare food with you' is just one of the many glib responses that you get from other parents when you say you have difficulties with food.

I'm glad it worked for you. I'm just saying if only it was that easy for those of us with real problems.

I think the difficulty is distinguishing between the slight fussiness that children have on occasion, where it falls into the realms of the expected and therefore acceptability, and the long term issues that many parents on here have mentioned.

I spend so much of my life apologising for my daughter's eating habits. And to be honest, I think it's time I stopped. This issue has caused me more grief than I could ever have imagined. So forgive me for being a little terse about it. But this is not something insignificant and simple to resolve...and I've tried just about bloody every suggestion you can think of.

Squilly - my dd was a lot like yours. She's 16 now and is much, much better. She was oral averse and phobic due to being ventilated repeatedly, having an ng tube and having deeply rooted issues around eating causing her pain.

It's hard and being judged for it makes it even harder. Just keep on doing what your doing. She will improve.

Thanks saggarmakersbottomknocker (great name by the way). We keep trying, but it's bloody hard work. If we take our eye off the ball for a week or so and stop putting something a bit different on her plate, she starts 'going off' one of her key foods, so we have to start again with the cajoling and enouraging.

I am praying that she gets over this.

I keep telling her that all she needs to add to her list is plain pizza and tomato sauce and she'll be o.k. diet-wise.

I just want her to be able to fit in when she goes to uni, which I've told her means spag bol (veggie or mince) and pizza. We might add curry next as that'll be another 'staple'. Baked beans might be useful too, but as I'm not keen on those, I haven't pushed them yet!

dd does pizza now. But no tomatoes apart from that. And no fruit at all, nor anything fruit flavoured, juice, yohurt or sweets or anything to drink except milk and water (so she really won't fit in at uni , although she'll be a cheap date!)

LOL....mine'll be a bit more pricey. She likes a diet coke when pushed! And we actually got oj down her at her birthday party by doing cocktails. Well, it was a mix of oj, Schloer, tiny bit of strawberry crusher and Sprite (non-alcoholic sundowner).

I told her that she wouldn't have entertained mixing her drinks up a year ago and look at her now.

If only she could take on board the same concept but with food

Squilly - it's so awful when your child won't eat, I can understand your frustration and fear. I've sat on my bed and cried over DD2.

And for the record I have never cooked a seperate meal for her, I just include foods I know she likes. I haven't pandered to her, stood over her and fussed, begged her yo eat or any of that. The only different meal she eats is boiled egg and soldiers for breakfast - although she will only eat the yolk.

I have 2 kids.

Ds1 -puree fed as a baby. Eats everything in site...and LOADS of it.

Ds2- BLW (his doing as would NOT under sny circumstances take anything from a spoon, anything hot, anything mushy!!) so he fed himself from 6m! Very fussy, has nut allergy.

Don't see how it can be the parents fault as mine are so very different.

ds1 - eats most things offered.
ds2 - much more limited, mainly texture related.
Both ate the same things when little. If anything, ds2 was the easier baby.
I think it is just the way they are, and having wept over my 2 (healthy) boys when they just won't eat, anyone whose children have real issues has my heartfelt sympathy.

I make a point of never watching my guests' plate, whether those guests are children or adults. They won't starve from not eating one meal, or even from staying the weekend with us. I don't comment, I expect them not to comment. I don't judge the parents if their children won't eat in my house- but I don't expect them to judge me either for failing to provide something they'll like.

fanjolina

she isn't 2.5
she is dd2 who will be 5 on saturday

If I blended all of that up she wouldn't eat it

it wouldnt taste right so she wouldn't eat it