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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave DS in his wet PJs for a while?

85 replies

OTTMummA · 30/03/2010 18:24

Ds in the last few days has started deliberatly tipping his drinks over or pouring them overhimself, its driving me mad.

He always has ( last 3-4 months ) a cup of water or juice on his table, and has been really good not spilling, and even when he has spilt we just go ' oh dear next time we'll be more careful! '

so i don't berate him for accidents, but twice today i have watched him pour it over himself!

Should i leave him to stew in wet PJ's or change him?! im so mad im contemplating putting him to bed in them.

OP posts:
compo · 30/03/2010 20:21

'i left him in them for about 20 mins while he had a yoguhrt and then took him up to get changed and made him put the pjs in the washing machine'

aw bless him

don't be so quick to want him to grow up

he'll be testing the boundaries soon enough when he's 4/5/6 yrs old

FabIsGettingThere · 30/03/2010 20:25

20 minutes seems an awfully long time to leave him in wet and uncomfortable clothes.

I would be careful you aren't too strict with him.

You need to pick your battles or you will have no control.

If you are iron fist for spilt drinks what are you going to do for something naughty/serious?

Original poster
OTTMummA · 30/03/2010 20:25

maybe my expectations are a little high as he's been such a good baby/toddler, he hardly ever makes a mess outside of the activities we do together and is usually fussier than me about spilages etc.

At a yr old he was taking wetwipes out and cleaning his mouth after every mouthfull!

I suppose he is just being a little boy really.

OP posts:
mumbar · 30/03/2010 20:25

OTTMummA I have agreed with you about not reverting and well done for standing your ground. I did not get my son to use a proper cup soon enough and wish I had because children do need to learn drinks are for table kitchen etc. AND it's harder as they get older and have more language to argue demand etc!!! He used proper cup at 2 1/2.

I don't doubt you wouldn't have put him to bed wet and I bet by not getting a reaction he will stop doing it soon. YOU ARE DOING VERY WELL AT HANDLING THIS.

Don't wanna sound like i'm judging as each to their own but I know parents who give in when children push it and some of these children are still demanding bottles at bedtime or sippy cups and are in reception year at school!!!!

Iceaddict · 30/03/2010 20:29

maybe a flask type one they do nice colourful ones he might like it better than a baby cup, dont leave him to eat yoghurt with wet pants on how would you like it, its not like he has done anything terrible he is just not ready to understand fully

thesecondcoming · 30/03/2010 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

baskingseals · 30/03/2010 20:37

it may be really annoying for you but he is still a baby, I think he's experimenting.

Fwiw ds1 is 2.7 and still has a bottle. He's just had a check up at the dentists and his teeth are fine. I would put his juice or water in a non-spill sippy cup.

baskingseals · 30/03/2010 20:39

sorry x-posts

mumbar · 30/03/2010 20:41

exactly thesecondonecoming. We are the parents and we have to set up the expectations for children This doesn't make us ogres or anything.

Children are clever and will outsmart the parents at every oppotunity!!!

My son still had a sippy cup at 2.5 (my mistake) and use to shake it upside down allover the place so I replaced it with a cup and sports bottle for evening milk and stories. Told him not to tip it and why. So he did!!!!! After week of me being annoyed he said it doesn't spill with 'baby cup'!!! Nice try!!!! did what you did and refused to change clothes. Never did it again!!!!

StayFrosty · 30/03/2010 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Firawla · 30/03/2010 20:53

mine (2 in a couple of months) spills his drinks a lot too, he doesnt even have a proper cup he manages to do it out of toddler cups, even some of the 'aparently' non spill or else he will just get it in his mouth and then spit it out everywhere to get the same effect. if he starts doing that then i just presume he's not really that thirsty then so i will take it off him and he can have it back later. wouldnt leave him in wet clothes though as it wont be comfy especially for bedtime! making them wipe it up themselves is a good habit too i think, i ask mine to wipe the table/floor when he has been doing this. if he doesn't wipe it i dont force him as he is only little still but most of the time he will wipe it up when given the cloth or atleast make an attempt to wipe.

Goldenbear · 30/03/2010 21:16

TSC and Mumbar, does the end always justify the means then when it comes to asserting boundaries? In my mind you have crossed a few moral ones in leaving 2 year old babies in wet clothes to essentially teach them a lesson!

ElleBing · 30/03/2010 21:18

OTTM. Do NOT admit to giving your child food at a table which is not laid with the best silverware, china and linen even if he is just having a bowl of dry Cheerios as elevenses on MN. You WILL learn the error of your ways.

thesecondcoming · 30/03/2010 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmeLindt · 30/03/2010 21:33

He is only 2yo, still very young to understand that his behaviour is not acceptable.

Which does not meant that it is ok, but he is testing his boundaries, and if this is the first time that he has, well lucky old you.

I would give him just a little water or juice in his cup at a time and tell him why.

And change him out of his clothes when he gets them wet.

IMoveTheStars · 30/03/2010 21:41

Wow, YABVU, FFS, he's 2 years old..

comments like "tidy it up and get himself changed" are utter bollocks.

I have a 2.4yo DS, yes he can drink out of a cup by himself, but I don't leave one on a table by his bed FFS - are you deliberately making life more difficult for you and him?

use a sippy cup, it's not going to damage his teeth using one for 10 mins a day , and yes - you're being really cruel leaving him in cold wet clothes so he 'learns a lesson'

My DS gets an open cup at meal times, but during the day we have a sippy cup/straw cup available to him all the time.

Goldenbear · 30/03/2010 21:48

TSC, I have a right to disagree. I just do not think it is a big deal. My son did it and no longer does it . I did not have expectations of him beyond his years. Sometimes, shock, horror, I thought it was funny!

pulapula · 30/03/2010 21:51

YABU

Just because he has the ability to drink from an open cup, if he is spilling his bedtime milk, then what's wrong with putting it in a sippy cup?

My DD and DS1 and 5.3 and 2.9 and although they can drink perfectly fine from open cups, they still have their bedtime milk in sippy cups - no signs of it damaging their teeth, but open cups would just get spilt on the carpet all the time.

thesecondcoming · 30/03/2010 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 30/03/2010 22:04

I have found that with toddlers, being pragmatic beats being dogmatic, every time

by which I mean, you find ways round problems instead of saying "does not compute, child should be doing A,B,C"

And you look at things in terms of child development. A 2 year old is learning about cause and effect. That's why they do bizarre, illogical things like tip water on themselves when they 'can' use a cup properly.

they are not governed by logic as adults are therefore it is useless to bang your head on the brick walls they throw up. They need adults who are clever enough to get round the walls. for example, by using a cup with a lid.

thesecondcoming · 30/03/2010 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmeLindt · 30/03/2010 22:08

Good post, CBTS.

He poured water on his trousers. His trousers got wet. Mummy reacted. Will she react the same way if he does it again?

It is totally normal for him to do this.

Original poster
OTTMummA · 30/03/2010 22:42

some of you have clearly not read my posts, i do not leave him with a bed time drink, and he didn't spill his bed time milk which he drank on my lap.

Yes it is normal behaviour, but its not right, i won't let him think tipping every drink over himself is ok.

I don't actually think leaving him in slightly wet clothes for 20 mins whilst he ate a yoguhrt ( he didn't seem to mind actually, and made no fuss ) is neglectful or wrong.

we will see what tomorrow brings.

OP posts:
CirrhosisByTheSea · 30/03/2010 22:48

"its not right, i won't let him think tipping every drink over himself is ok"

This is my point exactly. You don't need to treat this as a discipline issue because that's not appropriate to his stage of development. It's about reducing opportunities for this to happen (eg using a lid) rather than attempting to train him out of it - well, unless you want to make a battle where none needs to exist. If you are going to be dogmatic about things like this you will have a very stressful next few years, imho.

pulapula · 30/03/2010 22:48

Sorry, just assumed that as he was in pjs it was his bedtime drink. If he is spilling drinks, i would still use a sippy cup for a while or just give water to make cleaning up easier.

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