To not want a "night out on the town" or a "hen weekend"??

[edwardcullensotherwoman]

My 4 bridesmaids are currently talking about ideas for my hen do. I've said I'd rather have a big party in one venue with a bar, a buffet and a DJ. BUT, a couple of them have said that's not going to happen; they think we should go away somewhere for the weekend (not a relaxing break, just getting pissed in another city) or just out on a pub/club crawl closer to home.
I've never been a fan of big nights out with a group of people, because you end up losing someone, a small group will want to break off to go somewhere else and then they're gone for hours and I worry, or you just end up with arguments or someone not being happy about the whole thing. Also, there are a few people I know (MIL, my gran, etc) who would love a party but not come on a night out, so would miss out on it. I've told my chief bridesmaid (DSis) and she said she'll have a word, but a couple of them love their nights out and because of work/family commitments don't go out that often. AIBU to demand a party instead of a night out/weekend or should I just go along with whatever they do, and hope I enjoy it? Sorry for such a long post

No,I'm with you. I don't really get all this must spend loads of money on a big night out or weekend abroad; total waste of good money. I didn't even have a hen do before my second wedding

My cousin is getting married this summer and her friend got in touch with her hen night idea...
Champagne limo to a plush restaurant followed by a trip to the theatre!!! er...no!
I don't know how many are going, but I'm not.
So then she's organising a meal for the 'few' that can't afford a £100 night out. I don't want to go to that either tbh, but I feel wedged into a corner and I know that I'm going to end up spending £50 I don't have!

YANBU.

Whose hen night is this?! Just tell them what you want and brook no arguments. "It's lovely of you to help organise etc, etc, but this is what I want, please make it happen". They can go on a night out by themselves if that's what they want, they can't simply hijack your hen night to do it.

Why don't you just book it all yourself and then tell everyone what the plan is?

Thanks everyone, good to know I'm not just being an ungrateful cow!

Good idea ilovedoughnuts! tbh I can picture in my head the party I want (a bit controlling maybe, but I'm very visual ) but I think the girls want to add an element of surprise! When I mentioned a few months back about a fancy dress party, one of my bridesmaids told me that I "don't get to pick the theme, because I'm the bride" wtf??

Maybe I'll compromise and take them all for a few drinks the night before (incidentally, the actual hen night!)

A lovely big boozy lunch in a nice relaxed venue with all the female relatives and friends you want there sounds good to me.

One of my best friends got really cross with me over this. She insisted it was a "right of passage". I stuck to my guns and there was no "right of passage"..

god no
i hate mine

I let my 2 bridesmaids plan my hen night. It was fucking awful. They didn't give a toss about me and I've always looked back on it with anger.

We stayed in a b & b about an hour away from where we live, I wanted to travel up after lunch when my sister finished work. Bridesmaid 1 said just let her get the train. I said no and waited. Plan was to all go for a meal first when we were there. I got there mid afternoon and they all said they had been and eaten and we weren't going for a meal. I had recently been diagnosed with M.E. and was struggling to do big nights out. They didn't let me finish a single drink before leaving each bar (M.E. makes you alcohol intolerant and you have to be careful drinking, they knew this). Then I had to go back to the b & b at midnight as I was so tired, so called chief bridesmaid turned around and said "well we want to stay out, we are not coming back with you" and let me go off in a strange town on my own (I had lost my sister at this point). Some random woman walked me back as she said I should be out walking around on my own.

Next morning we had breakfast and all they did was go on about what a great night it had been.

They are not my friends anymore.

Do what you want to do and insist on it, it is YOUR night, not theirs. You will regret it if you don't.

And another school friend (who I barely see from one year to the next) has announced she is having a hen weekend in Amsterdam. Flights only £100 then cost of accommodation etc. Do I want to go? Like hell I do. Now she is insisting I have to go to the other hen weekend she is going to have in her home town (incidently the town I went to for mine).

Not a chance. I have decided I bloody hate hen 'weekends'.

You're an adult, just do what you want.

Coldhands, that's awful! I'm not surprised you were angry.

OP, of course YANBU. It's your night, you should do what you want. I will be getting married once we can afford it (and once I've had me baby and lost the chubby look), and there is no way in hell I am having a hen night in its current 'traditional' incarnation.

I will organise it myself, and go to a pub with a few friends for a drink or two and a natter. The thought of going on a godawful pub crawl or ending up in (cringe) L-plates makes me want to hurl. Thankfully I don't have many friends (heh, it's not often I say that!) so I don't have to worry about offending anyone. They know me and what I'm like. With any luck so do your friends, and they won't pressure you into feeling you have to bend to their wishes.

My friend is getting married this year and we all got excited and all decided that we were going to go to Europe somewhere for a long weekend or book a cottage somewhere in the UK for a long weekend and give her a real good send off.

However the bride had other ideas and after much listening to her we are all going to spend the weekend at her home, booking some pamper treatments and having a takeaway with music and chatting. She says that is her perfect idea of a send off into her married life and so as much as our ideas appealed to us it is her day and her way.

So we are all going to her house.

You do what you want - it is your day so have it your way.

I just back from a Hen Weekend and EVERYTHING was done to suit the Hen (as it should be....)

Tell you bridemaids to pack up their ideas and give you what you want!

ps The weekend was brill

My hen night consisted of a pre theater meal in an italian restaurant and then a comedy club with a handful of friends and some female relatives - about twelve in total. I was so determined about not wanting L-plates etc that no-one even admitted in the comedy club that it was a hen night.
Ideal for me and I'd be surprised if anyone spend more than about £50 including a taxi home.
Insist on what you want to do or at least be clear about what you really don't want to do. I'm sure they can find an excuse for the sort of night out they want another time.

Pamper treatments! Sounds like my ideal hen night. Or a Spa weekend would be fabulous. I wish I could have another one now.