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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the children will hate us if we move to the countryside?

99 replies

cranbury · 29/03/2010 11:25

Two children 3 and 1. We live in a London suburb - great pre-school, good schools lined up. Shops round the corner, buses and train to everywhere. Downside - small garden, difficult to park, very grey and depressing town centre (lots of closed down shops), lots of traffic and noise.

DH wants to switch offices and move to the deepest countryside.

Think that the children will hate it when they are 14+ and I will have to drive them everywhere. Will they?

OP posts:
AvengingGerbil · 29/03/2010 11:25

Yes.

Rubyrubyruby · 29/03/2010 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryAnnSingleton · 29/03/2010 11:30

compromise and pick a country market town,which is what we did,moving 5 years ago from W London - love it here and ds who is 12 does too.

lal123 · 29/03/2010 11:31

well its a long time til they're 14! I grew up in the countryside and loved it - all that freedom!

LisaD1 · 29/03/2010 11:31

That's the same reason we haven't moved to the countryside, even though we live a life well suited to the country (we have horses and would LOVE to have them at home).

I think living in the country is a lovely, lovely idea but worry that it would limit the children's opportunites as they grew up and that they would end up resenting us.

So the big smoke is where we stay for at least another 16 years!!

picmaestress · 29/03/2010 11:33

It depends if you're willing to drive them to parties and stuff. Have you lived in the country before? It's a very different life. You spend a lot of time in cars...

SuSylvester · 29/03/2010 11:33

god youll spend your life in a car
not trotting through feilds walton style

bibbitybobbityhat · 29/03/2010 11:33

More importantly, will you hate it when you are doing all the driving? You are considering your dh's feelings, your dc's feelings - what about yours?

People have very romantic views about living in the countryside. It can be miserable if you are just not tempramentally suited to it.

MissAnneElk · 29/03/2010 11:34

What exactly do you mean by the 'deepest countryside'? We moved to a large village when our DDs were preschool age from a London suburb. DD1 is now 16. She has lots of interests and friends. There is a bus service into town from here although it's very irregular and expensive and finishes about 6pm! I do spend a lot of my time being the taxi driver.

She does have an occasional moan about lack of facilities here - although I've asked her what it is she thinks is lacking and she doesn't know...

castille · 29/03/2010 11:35

Well yes they will when they want some independence if there is no reliable public transport.

Why the deepest countryside? Why not just a large village/small town not too far from the action?

SuSylvester · 29/03/2010 11:35

i dont knwo WHY peopel like to live in tiny villages with kids.
we live on a housing " development"
nto what i would choose myself but the kids open the front door on a sat and say " See you at tea time" and scoot off on their bikes to call on their mates

weegiemum · 29/03/2010 11:37

We moved from the deepest darkest countryside to the city!!

Great move for us and our kids.

We still go back to where we used to live and like it for periods of up to 6 weeks (we kept our house there). But that is long enough. The opportunities we have here (Beavers, Cubs, Guides, Music, Sports teams, school etc) are much better and they like the leisure opportunities such as swimming (not 13 miles to the nearest swimming pool etc ...)

MitchyInge · 29/03/2010 11:37

it's really just a few years between wanting to be ferried about a lot at unsociable times and then driving themselves around

other parents pitch in and take turns, and some rural areas even have < gasp > TAXIS

you could pick somewhere within cycling distance of bus or rail services, or compromise on a large-ish village?

OrmRenewed · 29/03/2010 11:37

How remote are we talking? They will love it for at least 10 years I would say. The problems might start after that but surely you could move again to a town if need be?

ATM DS#1 would leave home if we moved out. He is a totally urban child - loves his skateboard and gets twitchy out of sight of concrete DD loves horses and would give anything to live surrounded by fields. I think DS2 feels the same as DD.

DH however would leave me

CMOTdibbler · 29/03/2010 11:38

Move to a small town, not remote countryside and you'll be fine. We live in a tiny town, and it has loads of facilities, and public transport links (although not very late running), but is in the countryside, and I'm in open fields within 100m of the house.

I grew up in a slightly bigger, but very similar kind of town, and it didn't limit my opportunities at all - and my mum refused to be a taxi driver beyond what was strictly necessary

SuSylvester · 29/03/2010 11:38

yes at pool after chool you see harangued looking mums with 3 kids trying to do homework with one while the other swims as it takes too bloody long to go home and get changed after school to then return to pool.

12 mile or so round trip

mrsruffallo · 29/03/2010 11:39

My children love the countryside and love the idea of living there.
Personally, I'd rather have days out there and stay in London so that they can have the best of both worlds.
However, I may regret posting this when they reach secondary school age and I can't get them in anywhere half decent

stealthsquiggle · 29/03/2010 11:39

Well I survived being a teenager in the middle of nowhere and my DC are going to have to do the same . If they grow up with it they won't know any different - and yes you will have to drive them around somewhat, but judging by such teenagers as I know round here they are pretty good at fitting themselves around other people and arranging shared lifts/ using buses where available.

Will you hate it, though? Personally living in idyllic countryside sometimes usually makes up for having to drive everywhere, but it sounds like you may well not feel that way.

Original poster
cranbury · 29/03/2010 11:39

We have considered a village nearish a large town but DH's commute would be too long. The choice we would have is a small city (but few advantages over what we have) or a smallish village, there are only one or two large villages in the area.

OP posts:
castille · 29/03/2010 11:43

That was me last year, Su, if you replace swimming with dancing.

And we only live a few km from city centre.

No way would I move any further out than this. We have a great bus service so 12yo DD1 is entirely independent and DD2 will be next year.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/03/2010 11:45

How long would DH's commute be to be too long? There are four people's needs and preferences to consider in this move, not just one (his). If he wants to move, maybe he has to compromise too, not just you and the DC.

Eve4Walle · 29/03/2010 11:48

We live in the countryside. DCs are now 6 and 2, and we do have to drive everywhere. But this is small price to pay for living where we do - lush countryside all around, friendly neighbours, animals in the fields and pigs behind our house and being able to keep lots of hens (which the kids help to feed and care for).

They see all their friends as much as we would elsewhere, the local school which DD attends (next village along - and the county provide a mini-bus to take children from the outlying villages there and back) received an outstanding grade in it's Ofsted report last year and is in the Times top 50 primary/junior schools in the UK.

Yes, I do worry about what will happen when they want more independence later on but am happy to drive them wherever when the times comes. In a way, I'll be able to keep tabs on them a bit more than if we lived in a city or town. There isn't any public transport where we live, so we just have to get on with it.

I say go for it. I have never regretted moving here, and we lived in a large town before we came.

Bramshott · 29/03/2010 11:50

We live in the deepest countryside and love it - so much space for the kids to roam! I am however, resigned to being a taxi driver as they get older, and wish we were on a bus route!

SuSylvester · 29/03/2010 11:50

a winter muddy gloomy countryside doesnt do it for me
the glorious countryside is abotu a month a year

you can never look nice - always in bloody raincoast adn boots

Tiredmumno1 · 29/03/2010 11:52

We moved to lets say a quieter place after living in londons suburbs and actually its us that hate it not the kids. And the schools and education system is terrible compared to london. So make sure you do your homework about the area before moving, you dont want to regret it.