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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the children will hate us if we move to the countryside?

99 replies

cranbury · 29/03/2010 11:25

Two children 3 and 1. We live in a London suburb - great pre-school, good schools lined up. Shops round the corner, buses and train to everywhere. Downside - small garden, difficult to park, very grey and depressing town centre (lots of closed down shops), lots of traffic and noise.

DH wants to switch offices and move to the deepest countryside.

Think that the children will hate it when they are 14+ and I will have to drive them everywhere. Will they?

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 29/03/2010 11:53

is true about never looking nice, in my case anyway, but luckily east anglia as a whole is utterly untouched by fashion

castlesintheair · 29/03/2010 12:01

It is an idyllic thought but, yes, your DC will hate you when they are teenagers esp pre-driving test..

2old4thislark · 29/03/2010 12:02

here's a happy medium to be found just beyond the London suburbs. Budget allowing, of course.

I personally would base a search, even though your children are little, around a good secondary school. Howard of Effingham in Surrey school has a good reputation ( my frinds daughter went there) and Bookham, Fetcham, Leatherhead etc are a very good balance of country and village/town.

Thamesmead in Shepperton is a very good Secondary and Shepperton has the best of both worlds IMO!

JackRabbitBauer · 29/03/2010 12:04

We moved from a town to the countryside when we were 2 to 10 yrs and moved to a city when we were 9 to 17 yrs because it was difficuly with my older sisters and us all being at different schools/stage sof independance.
We did love being in the country as children though and if we were anywhere a little more lifely than a tiny hamlet with 10 houses we might have stayed!
I second the country market town type place, quiet, but not too quiet!

Fennel · 29/03/2010 12:08

There is so much between urban grit and deepest countryside. we moved from a big city and now live in a little village (which my dds love), but it's walkable into the nearby city, so the teenagers disappear that way.

we actually drive the dc less than when we lived in a city, and we use the car far less as distances are smaller. in Manchester we got stuck needing 2 cars for tedious commutes, here we just cycle and walk to work/school.

Just choose your bit of countryside with a view to teenagers' needs.

OrmRenewed · 29/03/2010 12:08

I hate living in a town in terms of my suroundings. I don't want cars, shops, dustbins and other people. I want fields and trees and open skies - regardless of the weather and the mud. But there is a downside of course but from my POV not enough of one to stop me wanting to move.

But as it isn't a one-person family it's not that simple. Of course.

GooseyLoosey · 29/03/2010 12:09

We live in a large village. There is dancing and beavers and football, tennis and acting and cricket.

Yes, we do have to go a long way to do somethings, but I can drive 15 miles in 20-25 minutes so we can get to a lot quicker than the people I know in London can get to things a mile away.

There are great advantages to living in the countryside. There is a fab sense of community in the village I live in. People say hello to me and my children whenever we go out. If you pick where you live, you can have local access to quite a lot and still have the advantages of living in the country.

Original poster
cranbury · 29/03/2010 12:28

We currently live in a great area for schools - so far haven't found anywhere commutable for DH that has just as good schools, especially for DS.

I have no idea whether I would like living in the countryside thats what scares me. Difficult to pick and choose the village/location exactly as hardly any properties on the market in our price range.

So much easier to stay put! But the greyness and unfriendliness of where I live is depressing.

OP posts:
MinnieMalone · 29/03/2010 12:33

Which suburb do you live in?@cranbury (just give me a clue if you don't want to disclose). I ask because not all London suburbs are grey or unfriendly. Ours isn't. It's quite far out, but on the tube and got a community vibe.

Does it have to be 'either/ir'. London to the deepest countryside is a big move.

MrsC2010 · 29/03/2010 12:36

I think there is middle ground between deepest isolation and inner-city. Pick a largish village or town with good bus links etc. There are different selling points to the countryside, it isn't all bad by any means. I grew up in a small fishing village and the husband grew up in deepest countryside, neither of us resented that fact. If anything we had more freedom than our school friends in town as we had the run of the fields, beaches etc and we didn't need to be as cosseted.

fluffles · 29/03/2010 12:43

you're children are pre-school at the moment, are you really going to base your decision on what they might want when they are 14+?

i personally am considering spending some time in the scottish highlands when the children are small, returning to the central belt for secondary school... is this not an option for you? how many people stay in the same job/house for over ten years anyway these days?

fluffles · 29/03/2010 12:44

arrghhh nightmare your not you're

parachutes · 29/03/2010 12:45

Don't do it. I did and I HATE IT.

Original poster
cranbury · 29/03/2010 12:52

parachutes why do you hate it

OP posts:
jennifersofia · 29/03/2010 12:55

If you are going to, I would definitely advise to move now while dc are little. We are considering a move, but finding a place in a good primary for children in 3 different year groups is tricky (also trauma of taking them away from set friends).

LittleSilver · 29/03/2010 12:58

Maybe. We moved to deepest countryside ( 2miles from ROAD) when Dds 1,3 and newborn. Wouldn't want it any other way. Kids love it.

Original poster
cranbury · 29/03/2010 13:13

DH is a very specific job, only company in the UK he could really work for, been there 15 years probably be there until he retires.
We both come from families that moved when we were tiny and then settled in the same house for the rest of our childhood so I suppose we invisage the same. Stamp duty makes us very reluctant to move alot.

OP posts:
parachutes · 29/03/2010 13:15

Hi Cranbury, if I'm honest I think our current health stuation makes its more difficult. We cannot get out that easily as ds has been ill for a while and the result is that I feel more isolated out here.

However, it's now been 2.5 years and I still miss walking to the shops, general hustle & bustle outside the house etc. I think I may have to admit that I am not cut out for the country
I know I will get laughed at but I'm also very very sick of all the bloody mud!

I know-now-that we were very spoilt before as we had all the amenities we could possibly want on our doorstep. I just didn't factor in the extra travelling involved for each activity (but again the health issue makes this more difficult for us and I wasn't aware, at the time of moving, that it would be such an issue.)
I am not blind to some of the benefits: ds has more freedom to just walk out the front door and play.

I completely understand your concern re "will they hate us when they're older" as I've actually said the same thing to dh. He thinks it's just because I want to move (possibly!)

In hindsight I think I would have preferred to move to a larger village/smaller town where the countryside is somewhere we drive to rather than live in.

DebiNewberry · 29/03/2010 13:19

Yes. And you will always be in the car driving them around, might be ok for small but ugh when teens.

GetOrfMoiLand · 29/03/2010 13:19

God no. It is bad enough being diary secretary/chauffeur/skivvy to 14 year old dd and I live in a city. At least when I can't ferry her everywhere I can stick her on the bus.

DP wants to move to a tiny hamlet in the Forest of Dean. He can sod right off.

There can be few things worse than living in the middle of nowhere. Kids need to have easy access to their mates.

I grew up near Exmoor. It was as boring as can be. Country childhoods not that thrilling - you can quickly get bored of cow pat fights.

Small marker town would be a good compromise OP.

DebiNewberry · 29/03/2010 13:20

I would think about moving within london first. Plenty is not grey and depressing.

flameproofsuit · 29/03/2010 13:23

Yes, they'll hate it.

My parents moved us to a small rural village at the ages of 13 and 15. Having previously lived in a small town with good bus links, all friends lived in walking distance, could walk to school etc.

It was hell.

My Mum did indeed spend her entire life driving us places - my nearest friend lived four miles away, most lived around 10 miles away. She could never have a drink if she went out on a Friday night because she had to pick us up from the pub when we were 6th form age.

That's all there was for us to do at 6th form age btw, go to the pub, and every single person in it on a Friday or Saturday night was 6th form age. I didn't turn 18 til I left 6th form so was never legal to be drinking in there but that's what we did.

It was awful.

Would neve inflict it on my kids.

elastamum · 29/03/2010 13:27

Its not as bad as all that! We moved from large posh commuter city in SE to rural Derbyshire, then H upped and left and moved back to SE. I love it here, the kids 9, 11 have their freedom, woods, fields, a treehouse, quadbikes, and a stream to play in. DS2 spend a whole afternoon last week in the treehouse at the bottom of our field having a great time with 2 friends and a couple of packets of snacks. Yesterday, I spend an afternoon pulling their buggy out of the mud they were stuck in with my 4X4 OK I drive them about a bit, but we are only 3 miles from school and most of their activities are there. Have been trying to sell the house as it is very big and expensive to run but my kids dont want to move back!! The question is DO YOU want to live in the sticks. My ex didnt, he now lives in a new house not unlike the one we sold.

ProfYaffle · 29/03/2010 13:32

Agree with what's been said before, it doesn't have to be London or middle of nowhere.

We live in a small country market town, pubs and shops etc within walking distance, train line to nearest city (20 mins) and London (90 mins) but still rural and lovely lifestyle, especially if living on the edge of town so closer to open countryside.

flameproofsuit · 29/03/2010 13:37

Elasatamum your kids aren't teengaers yet though which is the age the OP is worried about.