to think the children will hate us if we move to the countryside?

[cranbury]

Two children 3 and 1. We live in a London suburb - great pre-school, good schools lined up. Shops round the corner, buses and train to everywhere. Downside - small garden, difficult to park, very grey and depressing town centre (lots of closed down shops), lots of traffic and noise.

DH wants to switch offices and move to the deepest countryside.

Think that the children will hate it when they are 14+ and I will have to drive them everywhere. Will they?

I live in a beautiful market town 2 mins walk from the high street, 5mins (if that) walk to the excellent local primary, 10-15mins walk to an excellent secondary, and have miles upon miles of stunning countryside all around.

Buses run through the day but stop at 7pm, but the train station is only a 10-15 min walk away. It can get you by the seaside in 12mins, or to london in 80mins. Trains run from 5am - 1am.

I don't drive and manage perfectly well with three dcs under 5. So I know for sure that a stroppy teenager will be able to manage too

Small market towns are the way to go. I would never live in a large town again, let alone a city!

I grew up on a farm in Monmouthshire, with lambs and cattle.All very idylliic until I turned 8 or 9 then boring , boring boring.

No friends my age to play with, extremely long holidys and I couldn't wait for term times.
Very diffficult to take part in after school activities once the bus had left, and to see friends or get any sort of part time job, without relying on parents to chaffeur.

My nephews now live on the same farm and spend more time living on the computer than out in the 'fresh air'

Sister in law has spent years in the car ferrying them around to scouts, swimming rugby etc and only now the youngest is about to take his test.Also don't forget the horrendous cost of insuring a car for the young 'uns.

I moved to suburbia post uni and stayed to bring up the children ,and love the fact that all 4 of mine confidently use the buses, take themselves off swimming, to friends and school etc.

My Mum still wants me to live in the country but I just couldn't bear the thought of always needing to get the car out even to buy a loaf of bread

My parents moved to their tenant farm on the return from their honeymoon and it took until their silver wedding anniversary to be considered locals!

We live in a village in countryside and are in the process of moving somnewhere even more rural. However we are, at the moment, about 8 miles from Milton Keynes, so have the best of both worlds.

My 3 boys and my partner and I do lots of countryside activities. It helps that my DPs best friend is one of the local farmers, so we go quad biking on his land, riding, and shooting. Both the 7 year olds can shoot a shotgun at pigeons with supervision and they have come beating on our pheasant shoot as well.

We also do lots of ferreting (catching rabbits with ferrets) which we supply to the local butcher. We have a jack russell who is a great rabbiter and the (older) boys are really enthusiastic about these activities in their wellies. They have penknives, are very respectful of nature, wildlife (except rabbits, to be fair) and I love the fact that their lives are spent doing stuff in fields and the woods. They have made a "den" recently in the woods and can't wait to camp out there when its a bit warmer.

I am quite glad (as someone who lived in Crouch End for 13 years) that they aren't being ferried from class to class at great expense now, just to have something to do.

Perhaps I will change my mind when they are teenagers and start smashing up the phone box out of boredom, but for now its just great.

my kids love it it took me longer to adjust than it did the kids..

and yes I can look nice though I do own boots yes lol

Much better life in the country, bike riding, camping, walking, better better better.

I grew up in a village and landed up having to live in Milton Keynes when DD was little as village property in that area is so expensive. When DD was 5 we moved to the Forest of Dean and love it here, we can walk out onto the woods from our house and DD disapears off building dens with friends. I think kids can stay kids for longer in the country.

Your children will 'hate' you when they're 14 anyway! It's a teenagers job!
I would hate not to live in the country.I used to think nothing of cycling 10 miles to the nearest town when I was a teen.

Hi cranbury
It is a village nr Lymington called Milford on Sea, opposite Isle of Wight. Could not recommend it enough! Any questions, ask!

Another vote for the country here.

My two love it, fields and freedom are fabulous experiences for a child growing up.

Always make sure you have a pint of milk in the freezer so you never run out and you'll be fine.

I live in a tiny hamlet - nothing here except my 3 neighbours.

It is lovely in the summer and I love the fact my children have a huge field to play on and they are enthralled by the tractors/ponies that pass by our back gate every day.

In the winter though it is hell. Everything is covered in mud and I end up mopping floors for the most of the day. If it snows you're fucked.

You will spend half your life ferrying them around and although you think you will be doing lots of walking you actually use the car more because you cant just pop down the road for a pint of milk - its a 40 minute round trip during the day.

We are moving next week to a market town where the dc's go to school as I feel they are very isolated here (although there are other reasons).

Maybe if I had lived in a small village with a school and a shop, my thoughts would be very different but deepest countryside isnt always the vision you hope it will be.

After the thread definitely want a biggish village with a shop and a playground. Have identified two villages we like in one of the areas we are looking at but need to examine the other area - will look at Milford but DH has got a hatred of commuting thats a stumbling block. He won't drive more than 30mins (40mins at a push) from either office which is a bit restricting. Have pointed out that I will have to drive the school run everyday.

Where is his office Cranbury?

i grew up in a small town in the Forest of Dean at a a time when the bus to Gloucester stopped at 6pm on a Saturday. We survived. lol.

And yes we loved the freedom to be able to disappear into the woods to make dens etc. Used to love staying with my grandparents who lived on the edge of a small village (2 mile walk to the nearest shop) and being introduced to nature by my granddad. And yes we did all the cliche things such as paddling in the local stream and rolling down hill etc.

My parents had to pick us up from Gloucester sometimes in the evening but there were always local events going on.

My dd loves going there to visit and can't wait to get outdoors with her wellies on. She is asking to move to the country which we are considering.

Went through a time in my 20's when I hated the area but now I can appreciate it more. Wouldn't necessarily move back to the Forest but a more rural life is on the cards for us.

Lymington is lovely - we had a couple of great weekends there in the Summer and thought it would be a good place to live. It all depends on you and your dh I think. We came to the realisation that we missed museums, bars, comedy festivals etc and needed to be close to all of that. In someways it was good to try the country living thing we now know exactly what we like and don't like.

Went to Lymington a few years ago for a few days for our honeymoon - thought it was a very nice place. Could happily live there myself.

My parents moved to a tiny hamlet from a city when we were kids of 9 & 11.
I loved it! Although we only had about 10 neighbours, alot of them had kids around our age.
There was a decent sized village a couple of miles away, so we could cycle there for pt work in the holidays and when we got older and wanted to go clubbing etc a parent would drop us into the proper town (Brighton) which was only about half an hour away and we would get a taxi back.

I now live in the decent sized village, not far from where I grew up. Having met my DH, moved to the city, realized how crap it was and moved back before starting a family.

There is a strong community spirit where we live, lots of open counntryside, a good primary (secondary in the next village)and a bit of a bus service.
The big towns are only 30 - 45 mins away if we need them.
Yes it's muddy, but friendly and safe. I think the kids have more freedom here than they would in a town and there'll aways be someone around who knows who they are, so can't get away with much

I've never lived in the depths of the countryside, always been a city girl.

I have lived in market towns in Derbyshire for awhile (moved jobs) and it was horrible horrible horrible. Lived in Buxton for a few weeks and honestly the crime there and the petty aggression was the worst I've ever seen (have lived most of my life in London and now in inner-city Manchester). At night the local pubs/bars are full of drunks. The kids are so bored, they do drugs (I was in a shared house and unbeknown to be the other tenant was a druggie and loads of his druggie friends came over every night to get stoned), they are violent. The town centre is a no go area at night. My husband got physically assaulted (now been living in inner city Manc for 7yrs and never had that happened)for no reason. We also have experience of being in small town in Kent too, and the same story basically. DH grew up in a small town in Kent and he hated it. Can't go into town centre at night...local youth aggressive and threatning.

So personally cities are for me.....and I live near gang land manchester! There is so much for DS to do here. If we want to see the countryside we will just go there for the day.

Plus I don't want to have to do all that driving around in the country. Not very green and will eventually ruin the countryside for future generations.

choceyes - It's interesting to read your post next to mine. Our experiences seem to be in real contrast.
Do you think it's the middle sized places that don't work?

Although I'm happy in a village, I know things like drug taking etc can be just as bad in some rural areas.
A small town can be the worst of both worlds it seems? Not the excitement and facilites of a city, nor the space and close community of a village. A bit of a limbo?

They are 3 and 1, I think you and DH get the deciding votes.

Think the countryside is great until you are about 11. I grew up in a village and all my school friends (myself included) now live in cities/small towns. I still remember the stultifying dullness of saturday afternoons in January in a village. Totally dead.

Also the primary school, although it looked idyllic, was rubbish too. People think its marvellous when the village school is tiny but the reality is that you have 3 other girls in your year so they are by default your friends. If one of them is troubled at home and is consequently a bully (as happened to my sister) you have to put up with being tormented for 7 years as there are no other friendship groups to join. We live at the edge of a beautiful city you can walk to shops/cafes/school or into town. The sense of community thing is not limited to the countryside either. I cant leave my house without bumping into a friend.

cranbury, yes not wanting to commute is a bit of stumbling block! It is v tiring for my DH as at the moment he is going to London most days. It was Paris for a while - easier than London as a flight from Southampton but of course he had to stay a couple of nights. Because we are out of the commuter belt he always gets seat on train and works all the way. A lot of people do it every day from here. And a lot of people commute for more than an hour within London?

But he says it is absolutely worth it every weekend because he feels like he's on holiday. But then we can walk to beach so he can surf and windsurf. Ditto if he works from home. I rarely have to drive more than 4 miles in one go, unless I choose to go further afield.

WRT drugs, etc - I think teenagers are teenagers and if they want to do drugs then they are going to find a way no matter where they live!

obviously there are some drawbacks to growing up in middle of nowhere - if you aren't given enough to do by puberty you can end up mating with your siblings (am from Norfolk) or worse

but on whole do not see what is not to like, all the fun things in life are easier and cheaper (like riding), it is completely acceptable to drive a mud coated 4x4, everything is green and restful on the eye, it is nice and dark at night time and you can see lots of stars, you are closer to nature/wildlife, crime rate is negligible, gardens tend to be bigger? is more fun to hurtle round bendy country lanes at scary speeds than sit in traffic jams for weeks on end, you meet odd interesting people who may or may not be products of consanguineous relationships, it is normal to vote Conservative

I live in a suburb of Southampton itself which is of course handy for airport, 2 motorways and trains. We have real countryside and seaside within 10miles, loads of country parks and city parks, plus all the benefits of city life - like public transport and choice of schools. And fast food.

Have you thought of Romsey or Winchester?

teenagers will hate you anyway. live where you want.

must say though that although i really enjoyed living in the country when i was younger, moving to a town when i was 16 was like being let out of prison. so i'm not exactly a neutral poster here.