to not want to learn to drive

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

as I am beginning to think I might have too and I really do not want to!

I don't like cars, My parents couldn't drive only one of my 5 siblings can drive. my dh does drive and we own a car.

We barely use our car as dh commutes by train and we don't always ude car at weekend but we live in an area where if we couldn't drive at all life would be difficult. With 3 children aged between 18m and 5 using public transport is challenging but not impossible, the main problem is the lack of buses and direct bus routes to where we would like to go. We have excellent links by train into London.

So the pressure is on me to learn how to drive to ferry the children around when required and to be able to drive to work myself when I want to return to that world. I am scared by the responsibility of driving, have no experience or affinity with cars, have environmental concerns about cars, don't want to increase my carbon footprint. But I am aware that I am no longer a city girl and the bus/train alternative does not cover all the trips I would/ could make in a car.

I am a transport planner (pre-children) and although my field is Public transport I am quite sure that if I want to work outside a city I will need transport and be expected to drive. I have considered lying (my father did 30 years ago when he told his new employers that 'of course' he could drive then he let the company car rot in our garage - a family of mice moved in - while he got to all his meetings by bus!)but dh keeps telling me about all the problems I would solve by being able to drive...

Am I kidding myself that an adult can manage outside a city w/out being able to drive?

Bigmouth - I am really glad you feel inspired. You sound like the kind of person we need.

A few years ago I went to a shocking meeting at the DTI on funding academic research into reducing carbon emissions. There were lots of the top transport research academics there. They were told very firmly that there would not be a single penny for any research into reducing CO2 emissions from transport!

I am no beardy environmentalist - but just shows how much local and central Govt thinking about transport policy is completely skewed towards car use. I have absolutely nothing against car users at all, just against the presumption that everyone has to drive.

Well exactly ivy, Cycling needs to be supported and promoted, liftshare schemes and car clubs created to enable people to make use if cars when required w/out having to own them.

The first thing you learn when studying transport planning is that in the UK the cost of driving has been kept artificially low whilst public transport becomes more expensive (despite what the AA/ RAC lobby may say). Even when petrol costs are taken into account. If drivers were made to pay the real costs of road maintenance, traffic management and enforcement and road schemes etc. Then driving would become less attractive and if public transport was financially supported by the Govt it would be more attactive. The clean and well run bus and train services seen in Switzerland and Japan for eg. Are only poss through heavy public investment .... And here endeth the lesson sorry got carried away there

Thanks abetadad - Hopefully, there is an employer out there who agrees with you and can offer me a job, with family friendly hours and no requirement to drive...

Perhaps though it has always been in goverments favour to promote car use - through petrol revenue and the car inustry, which was of course goverment owned originaly and would have been against there won interests to promote public transport when it could have dented their own business British leyland.

in Los Angeles I do beleive it was 5 large car companies that brought the plans for the underground system planned - then they tore the plans into tiny peices - you need to drive in LA and this is of course a great interest of the 5 ca giants - I don't know if this story is an urban myth but was told to me by an american 20 years ago when I asked why there was no underground in LA.

Put in that context a decision not to learn to drive is a positive political action against y'know, like, the Man ...!

I managed fine without learning to drive until DC2 was at pre-school when it became a necessity as I could not physically get from pre-school after collecting him, to collect DC1 from infant school, without relying on friends for a lift every day. At that point it occurred to me that the only reason I had managed for so long, was that I had people I could call upon in an emergency, like when DC1 had a bad fall and broke a bone, or I had a call to collect one of them from school/pre-school as they had been sick. I was lucky, I was able to call upon my family or friends who did drive to help out. But, I recognised that I needed to be able to do it myself. I also realised that DH had driven me pretty much anywhere I wanted to go for the previous 15 years or so, meaning he could never have a drink when we went out, always had to do all the holiday driving etc. And actually, I thought, with hindsight, that was pretty unfair on him. So I learnt to drive. Now, I can take a fair share of the driving duties as well as being the one to offer lifts to my non driving friends and family. And I live somewhere with good public transport, I can't begin to imagine the difficulties if we didn't! Particularly the year DH was taken poorly on holiday and I had to drive us all home. He could never have managed it and I dread to think how we would have coped if I hadn't been able to do it, as we could not have afforded to stay anywhere until he recovered, even if anywhere would have had us!

I think you should at least give it a go.

So far the only times we have been stranded is when the car has broken down, the point is that I do not structure my life around other people driving me everywhere, and I have made sure there are routes to where I need to go and that way we don't have problems.

Dh is not a drinker and doesn't like going out so I am not preventing him from social drinking. I go out on my own and tend to walk, train or taxi to and from my destination

It is working in a field which requires travelling to site meetings etc that does concern me as not all villages in our county are well connected and having two parents commuting to London is not something I want for our kids.

I hear you, I am 26 and can't drive. i have had around 25 lessons but I HATE driving, it scares the bejesus out of me. So I am putting off taking my test i have promised DH that I will do it this summer though

Yep, OK but you are limiting your job chances and your freedom.

In an emergency would you not prefer to pop kids in car and get to gp or hospital fast?

DS has two parties to go to tomorrow and I'm making food for one of them - I'd have to put ds (4 years) in the buggy and struggle with him and prepared food in the rain - no ta! It would also mean I couldn't get him o the second party without a taxi (expensive and a nice carbon footprint there too).

Take lessons - see how you go.

I HATE driving by the way and I'm ashamed to admit that not only can I not park, but also have never ever been able to get the petrol cap off(!) or change oil. I've been driving for 23 years.

giveitago, but using taxis when you need to works out a lot cheaper than running a car if you don't need a car every day. I'd say having a lot of party food is an excuse for a taxi, but how often does that happen?

Hi, I'm glad I'm not the only one out there with a similar feeling of intense dislike towards cars. We've been living in remote countryside for 7 yrs now with no car, this yr because we have a baby and 3 yr old we really feel the pressure to learn to drive. It's hard to face, how do you learn in the countryside? A lot of drivers here (we're in Ireland) speed really badly, we even had to give up walking to the beach because of boy racers.

Sometimes I think we should just move to a city with good transport (I'm from the city, dh is from here but prefers the city). I too think about our carbon footprint and am nervous in cars even as a passenger (only since moving here!).

Hang on Bigmouth. I agree that public transport is underfunded relative to many developed economies. But I don't think it is true that the motorist is subsidised. I thought that the motorists were net contributors overall, when you factor in the taxes on fuel as well as the vehicle fund licence. Massive net contributors in fact.

That's impressive, seashore. Keep resisting the pressure for as long as you want to.

I hate cars. They're noisy and dirty and dangerous and there are way too many of them around at any one time.

Thanks vesela, maybe we will keep resisting, it's amazing though how being behind the wheel of a car brings out the worst in people. Here, not everyone, but enough, (say 4 out of 10) can see a family, baby in pushchair, toddler, and they thinks it's perfectly normal to go by at a 100.

YANBU- driving is one of the biggest polluters on the planet and I'm pretty sure the main cause of global warming if you believe that it exists.

Quattro I will have to look up references (not now) but I am quite sure that the cost of driving has not increased in line with inflation or in line with the real cost of maintainingvthe infrastructure required. Whereas the cost of using public transport has increased above inflation levels (Londoners benefit from increased subsidy as bus/ tube services are managed by TfL).

My mother is a nervous driver. She learnt to drive once she had children and has never looked back.

My MIL is the least likely person to drive. But she does and now she is the main driver in the house because FIL is much older.

If you already have a car and can afford lessons, it is IMO precious to deny yourself and your large family the options that being able to drive brings.

I think being able to drive is a very useful skill to have, whether you use it every day or not.

I could never be without a car because I'm an impatient control freak . In fact I couldn't even share a car with DH as I like to be able to do my own thing!

I think not learning to drive depends on your organisation and patience. My parents didn't have a car until I was 10, but my mum was very disorganised. As a result it was a nightmare. We were always racing to the bus stop, and I spent most of my childhood journeys sprinting ahead, red with embarrassment as I asked the bus driver to wait whilst my (partially disabled) mother caught up.

My mum learnt to drive when I was 10 and it was a godsend. My dad always swore he would never learn (bit of a phobia) but had to when he was 60 due to my mums ill health. It just shows that you can never say never.

Well you lot are going to piss yerselves as guess what I won in the pre-school fundraising auction??? A bloody driving lesson! I bid a tenner, confident I was going to be out bid but I wasn't... So we shall see how that goes. I have to say I was lightheaded from a marathon fairy cake baking session the night before for their cake stall. I also bid for and won a wine making kit.

[ blush]

Hey, that's great! Best of luck with it,

I'm guessing soon enough we'll wind up having to learn too here.