to not want to learn to drive

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

as I am beginning to think I might have too and I really do not want to!

I don't like cars, My parents couldn't drive only one of my 5 siblings can drive. my dh does drive and we own a car.

We barely use our car as dh commutes by train and we don't always ude car at weekend but we live in an area where if we couldn't drive at all life would be difficult. With 3 children aged between 18m and 5 using public transport is challenging but not impossible, the main problem is the lack of buses and direct bus routes to where we would like to go. We have excellent links by train into London.

So the pressure is on me to learn how to drive to ferry the children around when required and to be able to drive to work myself when I want to return to that world. I am scared by the responsibility of driving, have no experience or affinity with cars, have environmental concerns about cars, don't want to increase my carbon footprint. But I am aware that I am no longer a city girl and the bus/train alternative does not cover all the trips I would/ could make in a car.

I am a transport planner (pre-children) and although my field is Public transport I am quite sure that if I want to work outside a city I will need transport and be expected to drive. I have considered lying (my father did 30 years ago when he told his new employers that 'of course' he could drive then he let the company car rot in our garage - a family of mice moved in - while he got to all his meetings by bus!)but dh keeps telling me about all the problems I would solve by being able to drive...

Am I kidding myself that an adult can manage outside a city w/out being able to drive?

Also, I live in a village, the buses are fairly infrequent, but you know what, you survive! You just learn to plan ahead, and chill out.

I hate driving too but HAVE to drive especially now I am pregnant with no4 and have SPD, driving hurts but not as much as walking. I wish we had decent bis services that would accomodate more than 2 prams at a time and not just drive past you.

It's days like today when it is raining and I have the school run to do heavily pregnant with 2 other children I like having the car.

OP - if you don't want to drive then don't do it, it's your choice

fwiw

I got pregnant- unexpectedly- at the same time as an old friend of mine, when we were both quite long in the tooth

we were both told "God, you'll so need to drive" yik yak etc etc.

I dragged my kids everywhere by public transport/walking- she learnt to drive (nearly throttling her driving instructor- but that's a bit off topic)

now our kids are bigger- and so is my friend's arse. I however have the body of Elizabeth Hurley

I resisted learning to drive for years. I always wanted to go to a London uni so I thought I would have no need for a car, and being a very anxious person the thought of driving terrified me. I was also worried about the environmental impact. I now live in London in zone 2 but I have bought a car which I am learning to drive.

Having a car is by no means essential for me but it will make life so much easier and more pleasant. No waiting around at freezing busstops or walking home from the tube station at night and worrying about getting mugged. If you get lost in a car, you're a lot safer than if you're alone on foot in a rough part of London. Yes, you may end up stuck in traffic but at least you're warm. I've done a lot of work on my house and it's been so much easier being able to go to Ikea and throw stuff in the back of the car instead of having to pay a fortune for delivery or get a taxi home.

Plus, rail travel is incredibly expensive. The cost of petrol to get to my parents house which is 100 miles away is 1/3 the cost of a train ticket. I'm so looking forward to being able to walk out of my front door, get into the car and drive somewhere whenever I want instead of having to plan getting to the station with my heavy bags, looking up train times and prices, peak and off peak times, possibly spend the whole journey standing up, then sort out transport from the station at the other end. I hate the thought of there being an emergency at home and me not being able to get there quickly because of the trains.

I started learning on a manual and got nowhere because I got so flustered by having to do so much at one time. I'm now learning on an automatic which has made such a difference and I finally feel confident about driving. OP, perhaps it's worth having a few lessons and then seeing how you feel about things.

It is like so many of the labour saving devices of the 21st century - washing machines, vacuum cleaners, televisions, mobile phones - you could manage perfectly well without any of them and some people do, but as you already have a car sitting on your driveway taxed, insured and ready to go why not learn to use it? At least try - learning to drive may be beyond some people, but you won't know if it's beyond you unless you book a few lessons and give it a go.

I can drive but ever since I was in a car accident I have been scared of driving. DH drove us everywhere but now tht I am pregnant, I have started driving again. It doesnt seem fair for us to go to a wedding and him not drink to drive us home, when Im not drinking anyway.

It's made me realise its only fair on DH for me to drive half the time. Why should he have to drive us on every holiday and outting while I get ferried around? So I think for your DHs sake you should consider it.

You never know - you might surprise yourself & find you really enjoy it.

I have a toddler and can not imagine my life without a car! My lifestyle would be completely different and the quality of my life infinitely poorer.

It would be a struggle for me if I had to carry shopping, a toddler and a pushchair on a bus (not within walking distance of the shops). Obviously there is internet shopping, but this is not flexible when you have just run out of a few things.
A large car makes life so easy when you have a lot of baby/toddler paraphernalia to carry about. Load everything into the car, listen to music, SatNav at hand, a relaxing experience to be had (at least for me).

Also, I love driving. I've owned some really gorgeous cars in the past (now have a proper "Mummy" car) and I would have missed the experience if I could not drive.

I passed my test first time - rode a motorbike before taking up car driving so it was easy. I also like driving.

But when the boys were small (before internet shopping too) I didn't have the daily use of our car since ex-h genuinely needed it to get to school in. Was my life poorer? Actually, no. But I got back into size 10 jeans ten days after the birth of each child. This wasn't so far back in time to be readily dismissed as me being too primitive to know the difference between nowadays and the Dark Ages of Motherhood either. Why, I even had a degree and picture credits!

I think learning to drive is a Good Thing and I think having a go at learning to drive is probably an even more Good Thing. But don't persist with anything so potentially lethal if you absolutely hate it.

If you don't want to learn, don't, unless you start work and find that you just can't manage without driving.
There seems to be a huge social pressure to drive. Neither dh or myself drive, we have had critical comments from a number of people about how much better our life would be if we did. We live in a large town with great public transport links so I really can't see how a car would benefit us except to make us lazy make things more convenient for us.

We live right next to a school, and the number of parents who drive to school and back is really disturbing. Two girls were run over and seriously injured last year, so parents have been asked to park away from the school. None of them seem to, and I've nearly been run over twice in the last year by drivers not paying attention. Both times I was with my kids, and only escaped an accident because I ran out of the way.

If you are worried you might not be a good driver, then don't drive. It would make you feel so bad if you caused an accident, especially if anyone got hurt. It's just not worth it if you don't really, really, have to!

I was 30 when I learnt to drive. I grew up with a woman who couldn't drive, he carted ourslelves round the world on public transport.

I never intended to drive - the whole thought and concept utterly terrified me. I used to cry if I ever had a lesson and then give up for 6 months.

I managed with buses on public transport, had a long commute to work, went everywhere by bus or train. And this was in deepest Devon where public transport provision was dire.

DP was instrumental in getting me to learn to drive as, frankly, he resented being responsible for all the driving responsibility as a family. So after ages trying I finally 'got' it and passed my test.

Now I look back and wish I had done it sooner. Driving has opened up a whole world of freedom and choice. I can go anywhere whenever I want. I don't have to check that there is a bus route. I don't have to plan things like a military campaign.

And waiting as bus stops is the kind of experience I could do without. Yes getting a bus on a sunny day and looking out the window is nice. However 90% of the time it involves waiting in a cloud of someone else's fag smoke in a rainy bus shelter, waiting for a bus which is 40 minutes late, panicking because you are goig to be late for work.

You don't have to be a great driver. I am a dfricking awful driver (I appear all over that crap drivers thread) but what the hell.

I have been driving for 2 years now and it has changed my life for thebetter, immeasurably.

I dont drive and I dont plan to learn in the near future. I had months of lessons when I was 18, months more at 22 and then a YEAR AND A HALF at 24. Every single one of the lessons I had panic attacks, was actually sick and I had to stop the last lot of lessons when the anxiety became so bad that it wasnt just driving anymore even leaving the house made me panic. To be honest I do want to drive just so that I can say I can drive but in reality if I never see the inside of a car again I wouldnt be too bothered. Silly reasons I know but ones i just cant get over and someone having a panic attack, shaking, being sick and generally being totally insane behind the wheel is not a very safe driver in any case!.

I passed my test a year ago aged 33 but because I don't need to drive I haven't. I would now need a few lessons before I drove on my own again.

I am like a lot of people here - the thought driving panics me.

Don't know what I'm trying to say really. If and when I need to drive I will (but I'll probably buy an automatic).

I would say if you can afford all the lessons, the theory and the practical tests and the ongoing costs of owning a car then go for it. Being able to drive not only gives you freedom but it also is convenient.

I don't get people who choose not to learn to drive when there's so much you can do, it opens up so many opportunities for you and your family. Also from a practical POV, there's no way I could do all the stuff I've done with DS over his 3 years of being, without a car. Going on trips where there are no bus routes or trains nearby, would be impossible without having a car.

Yes owning a car is v expensive and can be costly (when they need repaired) but you have to weigh these factors up against all the benefits it brings. IMHO the benefits outweigh the cost implications.

I also have a BIL who's wife doesn't drive because she chooses not to, and she just gets ferried around everywhere. To me it's just laziness and means BIL has to take her everywhere she wants to go with the DC. It also means he can't drink if they are at a function/wedding because he has to drive there and back.

I am glad to be able to drive because DH and myself can share the driving on holiday journeys. I would feel guilty leaving it all to him - why should he have to do it all when I should be doing half of everywhere?

For those of you who panic about learning to drive - don't give up. I passed my test at 30, I started lessons at 17 and was horrendous, and tried it again later in life. I was no a natural driver, I panicked, stalled, messed up gear changes and panicked at every test. I was so close to giving up, after I failed my 4th test I thought 'what am i stressing about?' I booked test number 5 and I passed!! I was still a nervous driver, dreaded going on a motorway and would stress if I had to drive to new places. Now, nearly 4 years later I love love love driving and can not imagine not being able to do it.

I would now consider myself to be a good, safe driver - even dh agrees!

The key was finding a good instructor, and as a frind put it 'don't be one of those twat woman drivers who refuses to drive on a motor way.....'

I am certainly not avoiding driving out of laziness! I am very far from a pampered housefrau bring ferried around by a put-upon husband

If I was I would feel guilty, but when I am carting shopping and kids home, pushing a laden buggy, I do not feel in any way ferried - and I have the defined calf muscles to show for it!

I am taking the kids on hols this Easter while dh stays at home so no ferrying there either.

The thing is, if I did pass my test, I'm not sure that I would feel confident enough to drive my children around anyway. Its all very well saying 'I'm a crap driver', but I don't want to put my or other peoples lives at risk.

My last driving instructor (I have had 5) was confident I could pass my test, and said I was a good driver, but sweating palms, the shakes, throwing up and nearly fainting just doesn't inspire me with much confidence!

Hazeyjane I know you are probably bored of people saying you'll get there but you really will you just have to persevere. I was in the same position as you and finally passed my test last year on the 11th attempt (yes 11-have actually name changed for this as I'm so embarrassed). I'm a good driver but on the day I was just useless and overcome with nerves, the test is also much harder now than it was years ago. I love driving now and the freedom it gives me and my daughter but we still walk as much as we can and take the train sometimes too. Keep going

I don't think you are being precious OP. I failed my driving test nine times. I was terrified of passing, of having that amount of potential to seriously hurt someone through my own stupidity. Like BetaDad said, you adjust your life.

That said, I love being able to drive and enjoy it (I don't have ANY public transport where I live, even getting milk requires 5 mile journey) I think being a able to drive brings out some really bad aspects of some poeople, in the sense of a sense of superiority and exasperation at those who don't. My advice is to ignore them (but pick where you live carefully!)

Oh yes, and I have PILED on the weight since I don't walk everywhere now!

This has been fascinating it is a good illustration of the problems Transport policy makers have in encouraging increased use of public transport through 'soft measures' (basically cheap and cheerful promotions with no real funding or improved infrastructure behind them). Which I was involved in when I wasn't measuring bus stops and going to meetings with lots of beardy men (came with the territory).

I started the thread out of my musing about why I didn't want to drive, and it has ended up inspiring me to want to get back to work in Transport Planning to try and improve the options for people using public transport! So cheers for that!

still don't know if I am going to drive though ...

Bravo for you, Bigmouth.

That's the real problem here, isn't it - crap public transport...

I don't even know that it is even crap public transport - but not wonderful cycle oppertunities without sharing the road with cars that don't really want to nose out over the whilte line and therefore makes it a dangerous prospect to take children on a bike somewhere instead of using a car.

It also would be better if people did share lifts

i have two collegues - bith travel from 12 miles away, one on a bus and the other in a car. The bus oass costs £900 per year

teh car drive probably spends less on fuel but more on wear and tear, tax,insurance and purchase of car. The bus takes 45 minutes - the car takes 40

If they shared they would both be in pocket.

Please though every time you see a bike on the road -think one or two less cars holding me up - it is easier then for you to go all the way over the whilte line with all your wheels to overtake.

With the price of petrol at all time highs -£6.43 per gallon, wonders if the next goverment will start selling petrol by the pint to appear a price reduction Bikes are becoming much more common on the commute to work, the more cyclists that ride to work and school the safer the roads becoem as less cars, and then the less cars the more people that will cycle as they know it will be safer. It really could be a positive thing with the increase in petrol not though for the goverment who could lose revenue if less people left their cars at home and didn't learn to drive.