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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

as the wife of the NRP, to hate the CSA

87 replies

CoolTumble · 22/03/2010 11:11

We pay on time every month. DH has done since his ex cheated on him when dsd was 2, through a private agreement.

I meet dh 2 years later and 8 years later,when I fell pregnant she went straight to the CSA and because dh was doing a little bit of overtime to buy things for new baby it pushed our payments up. Even when dh stopped doing the overtime, they wouldn't reduce it even though he could prove he was no longer doing overtime. Had to go through a tribunal to reduce the payments to the correct amount.

Now I'm pregnant again and she has gone to the CSA again and our payments have increased again based on a once off bonus dh recieved before christmas, that has never happened before and never will. The increase hs also been backdated to last year which means we are in arrears, dispite paying every month. The CSA want the money straight away and will not let us pay it over a period of time. So we cannot afford to go on the very cheap haven holiday we have booked in may as we will have no spending money. This would have been dd's first holiday and I'm so upset I could cry.

And even when dc2 is born, our payments will not be reduced by a fair amount as my second child is only entitled to 5% of dh's wages which I think is disgusting.

Hate the CSA

OP posts:
Veritythebrave · 22/03/2010 11:16

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littlemoominmamma · 22/03/2010 11:51

If your husband is struggling to pay for the children he has WHY are you having more children?

I don't think it is fair to blame the CSA or your step daughter, you cannot expect taxpayers to bring up your children.

You have chosen to have another child even though it sounds like you cannot afford it, so I think you have to take the responsibility for your lost holiday etc.

Lulumaam · 22/03/2010 11:55

your DH is supposed to support his DCs and if he has more money in the pot, they should feel the benefit of it too

i do hear your issues.. having to go to a tribunal etc..

but you knew he had DCs and you have chosen to have DCs with him knowing htat he had children to support already

lots of people are doing without and struggling in the aftermath of the credit crunch and recession, things are going to be bad for a lot of people for a long while yet

it's a shame oyu can;t go on your hols though

is there anyway you can work a few hours to put some money aside.. overtime if you are working or something like ironing or dogwalking etc etc if you can? and then you can have your holiday

tartyhighheels · 22/03/2010 12:00

i would agree with littlemoominmamma - tough shit - if you cannot afford don't have any more - i would love to see you opinion if you were on the other end of this.... the only reason the payments have incresed is becuase his income has - it really is as simple as that.

You knew about this when you met him - your 5% for your child is also in the context of your partner supporting your home, paying bills etc - so a lot more than 5% whereas the mother of the other children has a fixed amount no matter how much her expenses increase. Second children of the nrp are only entitled to 5% too - the first 15% - 20% for two

Stop moaning or stop having more babies.

TheSugarPlumFairy · 22/03/2010 12:05

i think you need to get some advice on the arrears issue. They cant demand a lump sum payment just like that. So long as you have made a reasonable offer to settle the arrears over a period of time it is difficult to see on what grounds they could refuse it.

I suggest you talk to Families Need Fathers. THey will have loads of helpful advice to you.

Basically the CSA will take the mickey every time unless you refuse to let them. Never agree anything with them over the phone, correspond only in writing and send any corro to them via registered post.

How often do you have overnights with your SD? You know you are entitled to a reduction for overnights so long as they are more than 52 nights a year.

SouthMum · 22/03/2010 12:05

How come she knows about the overtime, bonus etc?

ScreaminEagle · 22/03/2010 12:07

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LaurieFairyCake · 22/03/2010 12:07

Your dh is entirely in the wrong - he should have paid the extra percentage due to the overtime and the bonus - she is entitled to it.

Can you earn more to improve your family circumstances?

KwanYin · 22/03/2010 12:08

Oh come on guys, you're being really hard on CoolTumble. The CSA have cocked up their assessment and it isn't based on what their true income leve is. I bet CoolTumble wouldn't have a problem with paying as long as it was a fair assessment.

Veritythebrave · 22/03/2010 12:08

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ScreaminEagle · 22/03/2010 12:12

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VinegarTitsOnaDiet · 22/03/2010 12:16

CSA are about as useful as a hat full of arseholes

I think the fact that she had an affair is irrelevent

LaurieFairyCake · 22/03/2010 12:17

It doesn't say that she re-married so her child could easily be supported solely by her.

And the Op's children has 2 parents who can work.

it could be either scenario as the OP hasn't stated.

weegiemum · 22/03/2010 12:19

The fact that she cheated on him is irrelevant.

His child is entitled to the increase in his salary, even if it is temporary.

But do get advice about tribunals etc.

You don't sound very happy about him having another child, tbh.

KwanYin · 22/03/2010 12:19

The dsd also has 2 parents who can work.

TheLadyEvenstar · 22/03/2010 12:19

My ex has had his payments to me reduced to £15 per week because he lives with his g'f and her 4 kids. Actually they split up before xmas but they agreed if anyone called for him she was to say he was still living there.

RumourOfAHurricane · 22/03/2010 12:25

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Original poster
CoolTumble · 22/03/2010 12:26

I only mentioned the fact she had cheated so it was clear DH hadn't walked out on his child.

Ex is with a partner but doensn't live with him so she claim maximum tax credits etc as a lone parent. I know this to be true as dsd told us and ex told MIL.

DSD is lovely and a fantastic sister to dd. I just hate the CSA who are unfair.

We are not bad people. We pay fairly, on time, we have loads of contact with dsd,she has spent every christmas with us since we moved in together, we pay towards uniform and school trips on top of CSA. We used to hve set days to ahve her, but now she is older and wants to see her friends and a boyfriend, she now has flexibilty to text and say when she wants to come round.

She has only her own room here, which she helped to decorate. I plan to put my two in together while they are younger so she can keep her room so she knows she has stabilty here.

OP posts:
littlemoominmamma · 22/03/2010 12:28

Eagle - are you really saying that they have NO responsibility for this little girl if her mother has a partner??? He is her dad ffs!! he brought her into this world she is his daughter, you cannot just walk away from paying for your children.

As it is where on earth in OP does it say that mum has re - married or even has a partner?? You just made that up.

Many men make a large proportion of their salarys from bonus's and they are rightly taken into account by the CSA.

Having a baby is very expensive, and yet we are not hearing the baby being blamed for their lack of money and lack of a holiday - just the step-daughter. (for me that says it all really)

RumourOfAHurricane · 22/03/2010 12:31

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KwanYin · 22/03/2010 12:32

She hasn't blamed the dsd at all. Sounds like she loves her very much and they pay for loads of things for her - on top of the CSA. This isn't a dad who wants to wriggle out of responsibility, or a step-mum who is resentful of her step-child's existence or any money spent on her.

She just wants the CSA to do a fair assessment, and they haven't.

I'm wondering if I'm reading the same thread as everyone else.

ScreaminEagle · 22/03/2010 12:32

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tartyhighheels · 22/03/2010 12:33

This also has nothing to do with the mother and how the relationship broke up - as much as it galls absent parents, children cost what they cost and just becuase the money goes into the bank account of the mother still means it's money for the children. Above all, the children did not ask for their parents marriage to break down, whether their mother or father caused it the net result is the same so the childrne should be entitiled to their percentage - why should the op's other children benefit from a bonus and not the other children? I just don't see it.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2010 12:34

I agree with littlemoomin. This is a lot of the reason I never went out with men who had kids when I was single and childfree, tbh. I'd have been too selfish.

Effilump · 22/03/2010 12:35

YANBU, The CSA are a set of useless tossers, my oh, had to pay double for a year thanks to their maladministration, which they admitted to, after his ex got the CSA involved after previously having a private arrangement, which she cancelled when she found out we were having a baby, they put us into debt, are still cocking his payments up now, yet my ex owes me thousands, which the CSA strangely cant get (to much trouble as he wont co operate with them)
They do target the fathers who co operate, and play by the book, and actually want to do the right thing by their children.