Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

as the wife of the NRP, to hate the CSA

87 replies

CoolTumble · 22/03/2010 11:11

We pay on time every month. DH has done since his ex cheated on him when dsd was 2, through a private agreement.

I meet dh 2 years later and 8 years later,when I fell pregnant she went straight to the CSA and because dh was doing a little bit of overtime to buy things for new baby it pushed our payments up. Even when dh stopped doing the overtime, they wouldn't reduce it even though he could prove he was no longer doing overtime. Had to go through a tribunal to reduce the payments to the correct amount.

Now I'm pregnant again and she has gone to the CSA again and our payments have increased again based on a once off bonus dh recieved before christmas, that has never happened before and never will. The increase hs also been backdated to last year which means we are in arrears, dispite paying every month. The CSA want the money straight away and will not let us pay it over a period of time. So we cannot afford to go on the very cheap haven holiday we have booked in may as we will have no spending money. This would have been dd's first holiday and I'm so upset I could cry.

And even when dc2 is born, our payments will not be reduced by a fair amount as my second child is only entitled to 5% of dh's wages which I think is disgusting.

Hate the CSA

OP posts:
ToccataAndFudge · 22/03/2010 18:07

yes and we all keep those little leaflets that they send with CSA/Benefits letters and remember to check them at regular intervals don't we, and we never omit to check we've done what we were supposed to do with other fucked up government departments.

ToccataAndFudge · 22/03/2010 18:08

overtime yes could have been an oversight, not sure I would have thought to inform anyone of a on off bonus

ScreaminEagle · 22/03/2010 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

posieparker · 22/03/2010 18:35

I'm guessing they went to the CSA to get payments reduced based upon addition dependants....

ToccataAndFudge · 22/03/2010 18:37

she says quite clearly in her op that her DH worked overtime to buy baby bits, but then stopped doing the overtime, the payments had increased while he was doing overtime (which is fair), but then once their income had gone back to "normal" on the birth of their child they had to fight to get the payments reduced back to what they should have been.

littlemoominmamma · 22/03/2010 19:06

Eagle - The OP makes it clear it was the EX WIFE who informed the CSA of the bonus.

If THEY HAD informed the CSA of a one off bonus then they would not be in this mess.

As far as the overtime, his payments were reduced anyway.

Im not sure why you seem adamant that the husbands Ex-wife went to the CSA to tell them op was pregnant and could they reduce her payments please???

ToccataAndFudge · 22/03/2010 19:11

"If THEY HAD informed the CSA of a one off bonus then they would not be in this mess.

As far as the overtime, his payments were reduced anyway."

I think they probably would be in this mess, given the cock-ups I've seen CSA make with me as RP.

His payments were reduced but they had to go to a tribunal to do it!

You are also asuming that prior to the OP falling pregnant that the ex was already using the CSA......there is no mention of whether it was a private arrangement or through the CSA

And tbh - if I got a one off bonus of - oh I don't know lets just say 2k (as we don't know how much it was) and they calculated my payments as this being a regular extra 2k a onth I can't say i'd be particularly happy about it.........

posieparker · 22/03/2010 19:21

Perhaps her DH should work overtime more often, afterall he has three children to look after....

Ewe · 22/03/2010 19:23

"And tbh - if I got a one off bonus of - oh I don't know lets just say 2k (as we don't know how much it was) and they calculated my payments as this being a regular extra 2k a onth I can't say i'd be particularly happy about it........."

I am fairly sure it doesn't work like this though, don't they calculate based on a P60 like all other govt deparments. So a 2k bonus may take his annual earnings up to 32k so they base the monthly payments on 32k, not 30k iyswim?

Perhaps next time your DP gets a bonus he could volunteer 15% to your DSD or a savings account for her?

ToccataAndFudge · 22/03/2010 19:26

perhaps the CSA could just stop being such idiots and calculate things fairly for everyone concerned and perhaps spend a little more of their resources chasing the thousands of NRP who don't pay a sodding penny

LadyLapsang · 22/03/2010 19:51

I'm unclear whether your complaint is that the CSA has based a regular increase on a one off bonus so it is wrongly calculated or whether the increased payment is rightly calculated on his bonus but he thought he would get away with hiding it from his ex DW. If it is the later then he should pay,he received the bonus as a lump sum therefore he should have passed a fair proportion over as a lump sum, why should his ex DW get it in dribs and drabs, you didn't.

Your DP has 2 DCs and will soon have another; they are all his children and deserve a fair deal financially but the difference is that you and he chose to have your DCs in the knowledge that he would have a lifelong obligation to his first little girl. All families have to decide how many children they can support and that includes parents who have a child with a previous partner.

Original poster
CoolTumble · 22/03/2010 20:04

We didn't phone the CSA to inform them dh was doing overtime as they wasn't involved in our private arrangment. The ex was recieving 15% plus we top it up with an extras she asks for so when dh did a little bit of overtime to pay for expensive things like the cot, carseat etc we didn't think it was issue as dsd was already getting more than 15% of dh's wages.

We didn't inform them of the bonus as we simply didn't think of it. Everybody benefited from the bonus, dsd included as she spent chrsitmas with us.

We are not dishonest, just wish the system was fair.

Oh and btw, dh cannot do overtime now as we work shifts around each other and connot afford childcare.

Can people stop implying we do not want to pay

OP posts:
Original poster
CoolTumble · 22/03/2010 20:05

Lady its the first not the latter

OP posts:
posieparker · 22/03/2010 20:22

It's grating though, the 15% thing. My DH gives practically all his wages this household. If your DH earns £40,000 that's only £6000 a year which is nothing to house, feed, clothe, entertain a child. I can understand that you are annoyed that money that was meant for your child is now distributed amongst all of your DH's responsibilities but if you were his other daughter and your father earned a bonus wouldn't you have a few items that you required?

I think you are always going to get flamed complaining about contributions a man has to make to his children.

JeMeSouviens · 22/03/2010 20:28

Posie, rightly you should double it, equal contribution from both parents, so it'd be $12k a year for the non-resident child.

Either way, the CSA is a menace, we have a private arrangement with DH's xW, and we stay well clear of them.

Original poster
CoolTumble · 22/03/2010 20:32

But dsd did get items from the bonus money, I have already made that clear.

OP posts:
Original poster
CoolTumble · 22/03/2010 20:33

And it's the more the rubbish system I am complaining about, not the fact that we contribute to dsd's upbringing

OP posts:
Tanga · 22/03/2010 21:02

Cannot wait to see this comment used on anyone else other than a step mum...

"you cannot expect taxpayers to bring up your children."

So everyone on Mumsnet who claims benefits to bring up their kids shouldn't have had kids, right?

By some of the logic used on this thread, the child in this case should not get any 'extra' treats/christmas presents whilst at Dad's because that money should be given to the CSA. And if we're starting to do calculations about the cost of children, why is that only ever applied one way? If an NRP gets 1/7 reduction in payments if they have their DC's one night a week, does that seriously pay for all the things the child needs at Dad's? You can't go into Ikea for a bed and say - actually I'm only going to pay for 1/7 of the cost of this bed as it's only going to be used one night a week.

The CSA is just as wide open to abuse by malicious RP's as it is useless at getting maintenance out of deadbeat dads - my DH's ex claimed he was the father of both her children (despite the fact that her older child was born years before they met) and also denied that we had overnights with DSS for nearly two years - and the CSA refused to adjust our payments despite us having a court order. And she is on benefits, so wasn't actually financially getting anything out of it but spite.

Also - just in terms of interesting discussion - fewer female NRP's pay maintenance than male ones.

sammyhoney · 22/03/2010 21:06

"Also - just in terms of interesting discussion - fewer female NRP's pay maintenance than male ones".

That is so true. It took the CSA 14 months to get money out of DH ex. She should have been paying £480 per month but voluntary paid £100. Her reason on the low amount was because she felt she didn't have to pay for the kids because she gave birth to them mwahhhhh.

MorrisZapp · 22/03/2010 21:25

Exactly Tanga. Not to mention 'why are you having more kids if you can't afford them', another total taboo thing to say on any other thread.

First rule of MN: You do not question anybody's decision when, why and how many kids they want. No matter what.

If they want 5 kids and live in a two bed council flat, love is all that matters. Apparently.

Moros · 22/03/2010 21:39

A friend of mine has used NACSA for advice and help with the CSA. They seem to know the CSA/CMEC's rules and systems better than many CMEC staff do.

NACSA charges £50 a year. My friend got in touch with them because his ex was saying that he hadn't paid her any money for two years even though he had and the CSA was ignoring his proof. I can't remember the details but NACSA pointed him at the specific rules that said what proof was to be accepted which he then quoted back to the CSA and eventually they backed down.

Devendra · 22/03/2010 21:54

I would second getting NACSA involved. They were brilliant.

mumof2children · 22/03/2010 23:18

on cash value my df daughter ( no contact as the mother stopped it and we can't afford court fee) get more money than our children,

df pays £150 every month to csa, yet we never see her and don't even know what she looks like.

gobsmackedetal · 23/03/2010 05:40

but, if I understand correctly CSA are expecting OP to pay for a bonus that they only received ONCE, however they have increased the amount as if they have been receiving it every month all year, is that right?

How is this fair?

CSA is rubbish! They do nothing find deadbeat parents and enforce their responsibilities on them, however they're very good at financially paralysing willing and caring NRPs without checking every individual situation, they only try to check their boxes!

gobsmackedetal · 23/03/2010 06:50

and if you think ex is doing it all to spite you, please put a fight up.
Make sure your payments get adjusted according to REAL income (and remember that YOUR personal income cannot be taken into account) and the fact that you are to soon have 2 children, therefore it should be 15% of 80% of DH's income.
Dsd doesn't have to suffer, if you think that this amount is not enough you can always buy her stuff/ pay for things on top of it. But you shouldn't have to give CSA a penny on top of this. And yes, go to NACSA, complain-complain-complain until you're out of breath, write to your MP if you have to (it's a good time to be heard just before the elections). You are being unfairly overcharged and everyone -including dsd- is suffering because of it.