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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to want to wash DP's daughters laundry .

99 replies

MCDL · 20/03/2010 20:51

AIBU to have a problem doing DP's daughters laundry. She is 18 and in her last year of private boarding school. She lives with her mother at the weekends, the washing machine has been broken 1 month plus now. We have a 4 year old dd who DP's daughter continues to want to have nothing to do with. They have never met. Has she no shame to send her laundry out to me with her DAD ... ? Or has DP no shame to bring it to me. ? Very confused ....

OP posts:
maryz · 20/03/2010 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nighbynight · 20/03/2010 22:28

I would (with dh's agreement) phone her and invite her for the weekend, to come over and do her washing on your machine, making it sound as though you are offering something really nice.

Agree, using you as her laundry service, and refusing to meet her younger sister, is brattish behaviour, I wouldnt tolerate it from my own dds (neither would do it!) so why should I tolerate it from a dsd?

purplehighheels · 20/03/2010 22:33

She can have her clothes sent to the school laundry, and the house matrons in most boarding schools have a washing machine in the boarding houses.

Me thinks she is being a lazy moo!!

Original poster
MCDL · 20/03/2010 22:38

No she is treating her dad like an ass.. She is hurt and punishing him since he left. Although he has ( we have ) ! continued to pay school fees. With a struggle this year. Would have hoped by now, she would have come around a little ... But thanks guys, glad i made my stand. Wont be doing her laundry. If he wants to, well that is up to him ...

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 20/03/2010 22:42

She sounds lazy and stroppy, I grant you. But I feel a bit sorry for her if she's hurting about her dad leaving. How sad.

DebiNewberry · 20/03/2010 22:59

But why shouldn't he continue to pay school fees? I would have thought that was a given. He left his wife not his daughter.

Lovesdogsandcats · 20/03/2010 23:04

Kids FAR youunger then her have to deal with their dad leaving. Mine included..and they dont turn out like her.

Well done on the no more washing policy.

Original poster
MCDL · 20/03/2010 23:05

Maintenance was for school fees. They were not getting paid. They are paid now by DP and I ....

OP posts:
maristella · 20/03/2010 23:06

hmm...
if she has been welcomed as a part of your family home, and refused then she has refused the facilities also.
it is possible to promote the relationship between dh and dsd, without supporting silly behaviour iyswim. maybe your dh needs support in saying no when she takes the piss?

Veritythebrave · 20/03/2010 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NonnoMum · 20/03/2010 23:14

I think she wants to do her washing at your house as she wants to somehow HAVE to come and collect it so that she break the impasse and meet your dd.

But then, I'm an optimist...

Just do it as well as possible (iron it beautifully too) and then no-one can complain about you ever in the future.

Get some of that lovely smelly ironing water.

It won't kill you and might end happily, if not tomorrow, then one day

(Her wedding in 15 years, "Yes, I was really angry and mixed up but you were always kind to me - you even washed my knick knacks, who says all step mothers are evil?)

Original poster
MCDL · 20/03/2010 23:17

Maintenance was 200/wk to cover school fees. It has not been spent on daughter. School fees paid now and whatever she needs given directly to her. Maintenance stopped ...

OP posts:
Veritythebrave · 20/03/2010 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eurostar · 20/03/2010 23:24

Agree with NonnoMum. Poor girl sounds stuck in between arguments about break ups and money.

Tortington · 20/03/2010 23:38

no laundrette near boarding school?

how much does that cost in the post then?

i would say - "you are more than welcome to use youe washer yourself"

that would be my lot.

Quattrocento · 20/03/2010 23:43

"Maintenance was 200/wk to cover school fees."

Really? I thought most boarding schools were charging in the region of £500+ a week.

Original poster
MCDL · 20/03/2010 23:48

Fees approx 8k per year ... It is monday to friday. Boarders do not stay at the weekends ...

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 20/03/2010 23:52

£500 a week . Blimey. Who could afford that?

DuelingFanjo · 20/03/2010 23:54

erm, get him to do it!

jennyslinger · 20/03/2010 23:59

tell DP she is welcome to use to washing machine if she gets her own washing liquid and buys you a couple of decent bottles of wine.... otherwise off to the laundrette.

18yo is an adult. You are a complete mug for even doing it once.

Quattrocento · 20/03/2010 23:59

You know, £8k a year for weekly boarding doesn't sound plausible either, given that the average day school is charging between £10k and £12k a year ... Presumably some form of scholarship or sponsorship involved.

Original poster
MCDL · 21/03/2010 00:07

No form of sponsership or scholarship. We are irish. This school is a girls protestant boarding school ... Our day secondary schools here are free.

OP posts:
KimiGaveUpStarbucks4Lent · 21/03/2010 00:21

Do not do her washing.

serinBrightside · 21/03/2010 01:27

Do her washing,

and do it graciously.

She is not much more than a child and it must be hard to watch your father with a new family, whatever the circumstances.

For everyones sake you need to take the lead on this and try to make friends.

Tortington · 21/03/2010 01:39

bollocks at 18 she can do her own washing