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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to hate the term 'babywearing'?

90 replies

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 20/03/2010 09:06

You aren't 'wearing' the baby, you are carrying it. It's a sensible and practical way to get from a-b, or to keep the baby quiet/out of trouble while you are relaxing doing housework.

It is not a way of life, or even really a parenting choice, at least it shouldn't be, and if it is, you are overthinking things.

The reason that women in developing countries 'wear' their babies more is that they are far busier than we tend to be, housework takes longer when you don't have mod cons and safety measures like stairgates are not available also they don't get cebeebies

I think there are too many parents who take a method of doing something and turn it into a 'position', when it really isn't.

OP posts:
wahwah · 21/03/2010 20:03

Am not keen on term, but as DS was such hard work I carried him, breastfed him and co-slept with him for years. Dd ended up with similar treatment and both were home birthed. This suited us and I am not really an 'Earth Mother' type- I like dresses, heelsand jackets for work fgs!

However, I don't care if people describe themselves this way, it's a bit irritating, but at least they're not the types who told me I should let newborn ds cry it out or 'make a rod for your own back'. I know who annoyed me more.

Takver · 22/03/2010 10:17

Personally, I found carrying a baby who screamed when put down for about 3 months VERY wearing - perhaps this is the origin of the term?

bronze · 22/03/2010 10:20

or maybe its the friction between two objects (mum and baby) that causes wear

OrmRenewed · 22/03/2010 10:21

Well in that case shouldn't it be called 'parent-wearing' ?

bronze · 22/03/2010 10:23

it must be the baby who wears down though because I definitely haven't got smaller

OrmRenewed · 22/03/2010 10:25

But the baby gets bigger so maybe you are in relative terms

MrsVik · 22/03/2010 10:33

I always assumed that the term was a mis-translation from the German 'tragen' which means both carry and wear. Aren't many of the slings available manufactured in Germany? I figured they used the word 'wear' in the manual instead of properly translating it to carry!

I don't like the term either - I agree about it making the baby seem like an accessory.

runnybottom · 22/03/2010 10:48

FFS, why do you care?

I am so sick of people on here accusing others of being smug or pious or self satisfied, and putting them into types or boxes just because of a phrase or a term they use. Can't you see that you are the ones conforming to stereotype here, making huge assumptions about people with no basis, merely to snigger and sneer?

Its just another term. Terms are useful, babywearing is used to denote a particular style of carrying a baby, usually much more extensively than just as a simple mode of transport. What on earth difference does it make to you? You don't like the term, don't use it.

What you are doing here is sneering at those who you have judged to be a particular way, knowing nothing about them and purely to make yourselves feel superior to someone else.
Its really quite pathetic.

SoupDragon · 22/03/2010 10:54

You could equally argue you aren't wearing your clothes, you're carrying them efficiently.

Babywearing isn't as wnakey as baby led weaning.

Takver · 22/03/2010 10:59

[write out 100 times "Takver, it is wrong to be frivolous"]

I think some of these terms can be unhelpful and divisive, though. For example, I know one couple who never even went to visit a housing co-op when they were searching for accommodation, because the co-op referred to 'supporting attachment parenting'.

Having met people who claimed to 'attachment parent', and who defined this as 'never, ever, being out of the sight of your child for the first 7 years' they didn't feel that they could cope with this. Needless to say (and I know parents at the co-op concerned) this is not AT ALL what they meant!

LeQueen · 22/03/2010 11:31

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dorisbonkers · 22/03/2010 12:24

Can I ask why it is self-aggrandising? If you've simply said you wear your baby? I don't personally use the phrase but babywearing is more than transportation and the odd bit of calming down. Also, I've made a deliberate choice NOT to buy a pram. I don't happen to like prams (although I don't consider them to be prison). It's not a philosophy, but all the same it is more than the odd trip out with a babybjorn. Why is it so wrong that other people might want to describe that action. After all it can add up to many (wo)man hours in and outside the he home.

My husband looks after my baby three days a week and 'lugs' her everywhere in an ergo. He's used the term babywearing to other dads at his dad playgroup (he heard it from me) and I'd hate for people to be sniggering behind his back for being a self-aggrandising twatty git. He's about as far from hippy as it's possible to get. But then again, men are a little easier on each other.

I'm afraid that unless that person using the word has then gone on to say something horrendously smug and self-satisfied (which can and does happen) then I think we should all hold back from immediately labelling a person who has uttered anything beginning with 'child-led' as an earth mother. I carry my baby, she sleeps in our bed and she still bfeeds. If I've ever mentioned it, I'm not trying to outdo others, appear as smug, define our whole life in those terms.

I do hate the tickers though. Seems divisive, intimates that you'll only see eye-to-eye with other 'cloth-diapered moms'.

And yes, I do agree that there is more to life with a baby than transportation and feeding, and I guess some blogs or forums create a rather fervid atmosphere of extreme AP parenting, where people almost try to outdo each other.

I am disappointed that people are so quick to judge people. My friends keep commenting on 'why I'm STILL carrying her' or 'why I'm still feeding her on demand' (and in PUBLIC shock horror), which is a shame, as I never mention it myself and don't ever go into my reasons because I don't want to come across as smug. I don't have any evidence that what I do will reap any rewards, but I have deep personal reasons and a temperamental inclination to look after my kid the way I do.

I don't think people who do controlled crying are heartless bastards, or people who puree foods are pusillanimous or ignorant, or that watching cbeebies will render your child developmentally delayed. I just think they are parents doing what needs to be done, in the style they want to do it.
So why can't some people extend the same courtesy to me? I am not an earth mother (whatever they are), or smug (I've had my moments in my life but wouldn't categorise myself as a smug person), or a hippy (do they exist?) or any ONE thing. I'm more complicated than that, and I have self-doubts, I make mistakes, and deep down I haven't got a clue what I am doing!

You just can't win, can you.

you · 22/03/2010 12:29

Oh I agree. Entirely.

I don't own a pram and exclusively babywear and HATE the term.

DarrellRivers · 22/03/2010 12:33

Fast forward some years and all of this will seem a lot less worrying
Each to their own etc etc
[and exits probably pouring oil on the troubled waters]

LeQueen · 22/03/2010 13:07

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runnybottom · 22/03/2010 13:10

oh do fuck off with discrete, that ones been done to death and its bloody insulting.

LeQueen · 22/03/2010 13:12

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OrmRenewed · 22/03/2010 13:14

Does baby-wearing make you short-tempered then?

LeQueen · 22/03/2010 13:18

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LeQueen · 22/03/2010 13:21

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AvrilHeytch · 22/03/2010 13:24

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LeQueen · 22/03/2010 13:28

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BitOfFun · 22/03/2010 13:30

I thought you were being pulled up for your spelling there...

AvrilHeytch · 22/03/2010 13:40

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LeQueen · 22/03/2010 13:45

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