To find this a bit out of order?

[maqsv]

From a family member:

Dearest Friends and Family,

As you may know, G and I are about 3-6 weeks away from welcoming a new family member into our homes. We have had many offers to visit and help out and we appreciate that dearly; we will need all the help we can get! Also, I know many of you will want to just visit and see the new baby. G and I want to gently explain our needs so you understand. First, please understand our living situation; we live in a 2 bedroom, one bath home. Our home is also our office; we both work at home and currently work up to 40 hours a week and will need time away from guests to remain focused. Therefore, we will not be able to have visitors stay in our home for the first 3-6 months. However, we want each of you to feel welcome to visit S and meet the new family member so we have created clear roles we are comfortable with for you to freely fit yourself into:

1. Visitors

These guests should mostly be interested in visiting the new baby and family and will not do a bunch of house work for the us. Please stay in a local hotel you are comfortable with. We are happy to give you a few local suggestions or please check with expedia.com and stay near __ if you want to be close by our home. Our daily home visiting hours will be 12pm-5pm.

1. House Guests

These guests should be visiting in the first 3 months and their main concern should be on maintaining the flow of our home as it was prior to baby chaos. For example meal planning, grocery shopping, meal preparation, laundry, cleaning, dishes, small office tasks for G_, doggie walks, doggie feeding, cleaning up poo, running earns for G_ and baby and lastly there may be some baby time while mommy sleeps- feeding, changing, soothing, etc. These guests will need to stay in our home, sleep in the guest room/office and commit to being available for a minimum of 3 days at a time. Please we can only have one house guest at a time; we may be able to accommodate for a husband/wife team if both members of the party are willing to be active helpers and we have time to create sleeping arrangements. We have many weeks open in May and June for these dear family members. We would like ample time to plan, so if you are interested, please contact M__ or G_ right away.

We sincerely look forward to seeing you and hold no judgment at all whether you choose to be a ?visitor? or a ?house guest?.

Lots of Love,

M, G_ and new baby

Basic Needs of Mommy and Daddy while they learn how to parent:
? Meal planning
? grocery shopping
? meal preparation
? Laundry
? cleaning
? dishes
? General household organization
? Collect the mail, open it, set aside bills for M to pay, file invoices/paperwork
? Small office tasks for G like scanning, printing, filing
? Doggie stuff: daily walks, once a day feeding, clean up poop regularly, give lots of love- this may be hard on him
? Run earns for G and baby
? Calm baby while mommy sleeps- feeding, changing, soothing, etc.

blimey. its either a joke or that couple are quite paranoid that they wont cope with the baby/people wanting to see the baby.

i'm dissapointed though that the letter didn't include blue sky thinking, guesstimates, thinking outside the obx and or any other management crap!

Bigcar.... tee hee - just fell off my chair laughing and dribbled a bit!

Love the thanksgiving letter. Did anyone actually attend that thanksgiving?!

hahahaha this is so funny

ROTFLMAO
someone lives in La-La land.

no, YANBU at all

how in god's name do they think they are going to cope with a child at all if they think they need an army of visitors?

FGS most of us just get on with it.

I think the letter is great - someone has clearly read mumsnetters rants about all the twats who foist themselves on new families (bil staying 2 days after caeserean, mil asking when 'dinner is ready' day baby comes home) and sit around and do fuck all/expect to be waited on hand and foot.

omg
they are so going to get a shock when the baby breaks the rules

Ok I can't stand it any more. I am quite prepared to risk a flaming.

How in the name of arse can any sentient, aware human being who has spent more then ten minutes of their lives online think that this (admittedly very amusing and well written) email is genuine?

How?

I'm losing the will to live here. Am I the lone voice?

Please will just one person say that they too can spot a wind up from fifty paces. I can't log off and go home until my faith in humanity is restored.

One person.

I suspect that they will not find themselves overwhelmed with either house guests or visitors once folk have read that through.

well, tis probably a wind up

but a funny one nontheless

They sound like a right pair - presumably they have a lot of friends and family to assume in the first place that they are going to be inundated with visitors just gagging to see them and their new baby.

These guys have some degree of OCD, definitely. Or they have found the perfect way to alienate everybody they know so they'll never visit again, ever. And how precious they are - '...while mommy and daddy learn how to parent' - yuk!

Love it! They are clearly bonkers!

OK - a bit anal and controlling (well a lot really) but I can sort of see they have a point - they just have not expressed it very well.

How about:

If you just want visit to have a cuddle with the new baby - that would be lovely, but please stay in a hotel near us so you don't create more work for 2 new, stressed out still trying to work to earn a living parents. Welcome to visit in afternoons - let us know when so we don't have 6 aunts all turning up on the same day - we want you to have time with us and new baby.

If you are willing to muck in (help with cooking / washing / dog walking) we'd love to have you to stay - but please bear in mimd we have a small 2 bed house so we can only have a maximum of 2 of you at any time - book your slots now!!

We know you will understand we are a bit nervous about the changes our baby will bring to our lives - but very excited - so please bear with us over the next few months while try to work out the best way of doing this!

Same idea - different way of communicating - and yes I know some of you will still find this U but I have some sympathy.

Oh - and remember her hormones will be all over the place while she is writting this.

I really hope it's a wind up, but sadly I know a couple just like this. They sent out a missive telling us exactly when we'd be welcome and how to behave during our brief and tolerated visit when their pfb was born.
They are forever ringing (unsolicited) and telling us all the dates they cannot see us, then letting us have a date about 9 months in advance when they could squeeze us in - and I can't stand them, would love nothing better than to never see them again! They're old uni friends of DH but even he finds them bizarre these days...

Do they realise that their new baby won't care on jot for their ideas, schedules or their need for quiet time.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall when they have to deal with a human being who doesn't take orders whether verbally or in letter form.

Absolutely hysterical

ps I would pay good money for them to show up on this thread

I'd stay well away

don't care if it's a joke, it's cheered me right up

and the thanksgiving letter! ROFL that one is surely more likely to be a joke. really. is there really someone called Bobble?

and what's EVOO?

Extra Virgin Olive Oil= EVOO

Its american, the email, therefore wind up or genuine, who can tell.

Are they American?