To find this a bit out of order?

[maqsv]

From a family member:

Dearest Friends and Family,

As you may know, G and I are about 3-6 weeks away from welcoming a new family member into our homes. We have had many offers to visit and help out and we appreciate that dearly; we will need all the help we can get! Also, I know many of you will want to just visit and see the new baby. G and I want to gently explain our needs so you understand. First, please understand our living situation; we live in a 2 bedroom, one bath home. Our home is also our office; we both work at home and currently work up to 40 hours a week and will need time away from guests to remain focused. Therefore, we will not be able to have visitors stay in our home for the first 3-6 months. However, we want each of you to feel welcome to visit S and meet the new family member so we have created clear roles we are comfortable with for you to freely fit yourself into:

1. Visitors

These guests should mostly be interested in visiting the new baby and family and will not do a bunch of house work for the us. Please stay in a local hotel you are comfortable with. We are happy to give you a few local suggestions or please check with expedia.com and stay near __ if you want to be close by our home. Our daily home visiting hours will be 12pm-5pm.

1. House Guests

These guests should be visiting in the first 3 months and their main concern should be on maintaining the flow of our home as it was prior to baby chaos. For example meal planning, grocery shopping, meal preparation, laundry, cleaning, dishes, small office tasks for G_, doggie walks, doggie feeding, cleaning up poo, running earns for G_ and baby and lastly there may be some baby time while mommy sleeps- feeding, changing, soothing, etc. These guests will need to stay in our home, sleep in the guest room/office and commit to being available for a minimum of 3 days at a time. Please we can only have one house guest at a time; we may be able to accommodate for a husband/wife team if both members of the party are willing to be active helpers and we have time to create sleeping arrangements. We have many weeks open in May and June for these dear family members. We would like ample time to plan, so if you are interested, please contact M__ or G_ right away.

We sincerely look forward to seeing you and hold no judgment at all whether you choose to be a ?visitor? or a ?house guest?.

Lots of Love,

M, G_ and new baby

Basic Needs of Mommy and Daddy while they learn how to parent:
? Meal planning
? grocery shopping
? meal preparation
? Laundry
? cleaning
? dishes
? General household organization
? Collect the mail, open it, set aside bills for M to pay, file invoices/paperwork
? Small office tasks for G like scanning, printing, filing
? Doggie stuff: daily walks, once a day feeding, clean up poop regularly, give lots of love- this may be hard on him
? Run earns for G and baby
? Calm baby while mommy sleeps- feeding, changing, soothing, etc.

My favourite quote:

"we may be able to accommodate for a husband/wife team if both members of the party are willing to be active helpers"

That and the need to "commit" to a minimum of three days.

Do the house guests have to sign a contract in advance?

I love this bit:
"their main concern should be on maintaining the flow of our home as it was prior to baby chaos."
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Aye right.

Are they having quads at least?

Although I did get a bit anal about it all when I had DS2, but when DS1 was born so many people came so quickly DH and I hardly had any time with our PFB. IL's actually came for the coming home from hospital bit. So I lay down the law so I could have a little 'babymoon' . Bless her for thinking she will have any semblance of control in her life in about a months time.

That letter/email gives the impression that they will have hoards of people wanting to visit or stay with them to see the new baby. Is that the case? Do they have many many friends and family who live far away and will want to stay? I think people would be unreasonable to expect to stay in a 2 bed house with a couple with a new baby and if people are expecting that i can quite see why they would want to hold people at arms length. I wouldn't have people to stay in our 2 bed house after I'd had a baby. I wouldn't send that letter. I'd just say no!
Sounds like they have had a bad experience previously or else that they have had loads of people saying they want to descend on them and stay once they have the baby. Not surprised they are trying to warn people off if so.

lol

I'm sorry but this is the funniest thing I have read all day. I like how they have factored in the sensitivity needs of the dog. If you want to be a house guest, do you need to send a CV, will they be reference checking? My only requirement when DD was born was that people had to be prepared to see me topless or nude. And to say straight faced that I looked amazing in either of those two states.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

hmmmm

I can understand their reasoning, but they are tactless to say the very least! I did find it hard with people visiting, not knowing how to ask guests to leave/make me a cuppa etc, but come on!!!

I do try not to judge but can't help thinking control freak!!! boy are they in for a shock when baby arrives!

is this a joke?

Sounds as if there are family members they have in mind. Family who have been house guests who needed their every whim catered to. So they decided to head it off at the pass this time, but obviously didn't want to upset these ex-houseguests by making it personal, so sent it out to everyone.

I must admit, I was laughing about halfway through. I presume it is meant to be tongue-in-cheek rather than deadly serious.

could it be a cunning plan to ensure that people actually stay away?

OMG of course it's a joke.

Sorry but is anybody here taking it at face value?

Really?

Really really?

Sounds like something David Brent from The Office would come up with... Do they work in management, OP?

It is not, as far as I am aware, a joke. If it is it is ajoke on me too. Can't say much more, feel a bit naughty posting it here tbh.

Blimey.

I suppose next it'll be a 'presents' list, for well-wishers to choose from? Would be awful to get the wrong colour baby clothes, or two of the same toy.

My families reaction if I emailed them something like this would be painful. Literally, painful.

What exactly will the two of them be doing while Aunty Joan opens their mail and arranges it on a silver tray while meal planning and providing therapy for the dog?

Holy cow! How strange!
Surely this is a joke....!
Why not play along and send a letter back stating that "it would be great to see you and new baby" but you can only make Starbucks at 1:13pm on the first thursday of every month - oh and that you have a decaf skinny latte with one shot of vanilla...

I think they vastly overestimate their appeal.

It reminds me of this Thanksgiving letter.

From: Marney
As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB?Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family

1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don?t feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don?t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family

1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family

1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d?ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family

1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel ? please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family

1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)

1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Looking forward to the 28th!!

Marney

Thank you. Had a really crappy day and that's cheered me up!

come on, can't you all see the glaring omission? They forgot that everyone will of course have to be CRB checked

I cant believe this is real,if they were like that I cant believe anyone would want to visit at all !

I am sure it is an attempt to avoid any visitors/house guests. I can't imagine anyone would want to visit after receiving that and i sure that is what they are after. Either that or an unpaid skivvy!
I can see this backfiring on them though. Who will do all the chores and see to the dog if it works and no-one comes!

If that is real, I feel very, very sorry for the poor baby. Imagine being reared by a pair of up themselves nutters like that.