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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect nursery to wipe my childs bum?

63 replies

Confuzzeled · 19/03/2010 15:42

DD will be 3 in a couple of weeks. She goes to nursery 2.5 days a week. She moved into the pre-school room a few weeks ago. DD is toilet trained but like most toddlers, can't wipe her bottom properly after she's had a poo.

After she moved to the pre-school room she started coming home with poo stained pants. I've asked them twice to make sure her bottom is clean and they've told me they'll try as the kids can just use the toilet by themselves. Today I picked her up and as soon as we got home I noticed she was smelly. There was a bit of dried poo and it had spread all over her knickers. The fact that it was dry makes me think it had happened this morning and had been like that for hours.

She doesn't poo in her pants but I know she would go for a poo and not wipe properly, this is clearly whats happened again.

Is to much to expect a member of staff to go to the loo with her and wipe her bum if she has a poo?

OP posts:

3l15a8eth · 19/03/2010 15:51

I can see where you are coming from but they need to learn to wipe it them-selfs their teacher won't have time when she at home with you she should be trying to do it herself. If she is smelly really the staff should have investigated and them changed her. But it is tricky they can't investigate every child with wind you end up with a room full of children worried about poohing them-selfs.

lovechoc · 19/03/2010 15:51

that sounds terrible to leave a child like that. it would be wrong to do it to an adult, let alone a child! seems a bit negligent...surely there's a member of staff nearby checking the children in the toilet area to make sure they've managed ok and washed their hands??

soapboxqueen · 19/03/2010 15:52

Is there one to one care at this nursery? If there is then they should know when she's gone. If not then, how are they supposed to know when she's nipped to the loo? Ask her to remove her pants periodically to check?

I suggest it would be more sensible to get your child to ask the person in charge if she can go to the loo or tell them when she has just been. Then they will be aware and will be able to take action.

sarah293 · 19/03/2010 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Confuzzeled · 19/03/2010 16:11

Soapboxqueen I WOULD expect them to know if my child was not in the room, she's not even 3 yet.

If she was only at the place for a couple of hours then it wouldn't be so bad, but 2 days she's there from 9-5. If it happens in the morning she could have it in her pants all day.

OP posts:

soapboxqueen · 19/03/2010 16:21

Do you mean a private nursery or a school nursery? Most school nurseries have toilets coming off the main room so they would not have actually left the room to go to the toilet. Obviously private nurseries are different and if the child has to leave the room e.g. through a door then I would expect a member of staff to know about it.

NormalityBites · 19/03/2010 16:27

Hmm. I have a 3yo DD at nursery, they expect all the kids in the school-room (3+) to be capable of toileting by themselves, just as they expect them to wash their hands before meals and wipe their faces afterward without assistance. In my DDs nursery the loos are very easily accessible with just an open door right next to the main play area, mostly they don't pay much attention to kids going in and using the loos, they just get on with it. I wouldn't expect anyone at dds nursery to be able to tell me if she'd been for a poo or not, I can't really see how they would check. I never know if she's had a poo today or not either! I would say being able to wipe yourself properly is part of using the toilet just like washing your hands afterward - OK they might miss bits on occasion but dried poo all pver her knickers? Might it be worth showing her how to wipe herself over again? And telling her to ask her nursery workers if she needs help? I know my DD wouldn't shut up about it if she had poo in her pants

soapboxqueen · 19/03/2010 16:30

Well said NormalityBites.

gingernutlover · 19/03/2010 16:31

my dd has been at nursery since 11 months and is now 4. We did go through a stage of her not wiping her bum properly at about that age but I simply stopped doing it at home for her and supervised her doing it instead. You just have to teach her to keep wiping with a new (smallish!) peice of paper until she gets a clean one IYKWIM, at a day nursery where the toilets are probably adjoining the room then I would expect free access to the toilets and there wouldnt be someone out there on duty.

YABU to expect them to go with her every time she goes and wipe her bum - she needs to learn to do it herself. However, I would expect them to notice a smelly child and deal with whatever was causing the smell. I teach reception and I would do that as like a previous poster says, they can be 6 before they are totally reliable at it.

coldtits · 19/03/2010 16:32

Some children don't have long enough arms when they are 3.

ds1, despite his disabilities, could do it from a RIDICULOUSLY young age because he has disproportionately long arms.

not fair to punish a child by leaving them smeared with faeces just because they have short arms.

SPBInDisguise · 19/03/2010 16:33

wow my DS is 3 and not even trained yet - and yet it seems that a 3yo is expected to manage all aspects of toilets themselves??

gingernutlover · 19/03/2010 16:35

erm I dont think anyone is punishing the child!

Really, I never knew that about the length of their arms - dd's must have been okay, along with most of her friends. But I still stand by what I say about how at a day nursery they cannot supervise every child going to the toilet. I assume it's like our preschool room where the ratio is 1:8

teaandcakeplease · 19/03/2010 16:36

My pre-school takes the children to the loo and has a great ratio of children to each key worker.

This situation sounds bizarre to me as they really care for the LO's at my place.

But I can't compare to anyone else as this is the only pre-school I've ever used.

teaandcakeplease · 19/03/2010 16:37

My DD cannot reach her rear easily at all. She struggles to reach round.

Although my potty training is still a work in progress.

soapboxqueen · 19/03/2010 16:37

Are people suggesting that schools should employ bottom wipers until year 2?

NormalityBites · 19/03/2010 16:38

Not my rules SPB, just the way it is at my dds nursery in the schoolroom. It is only for kids 3 and up who are toilet trained. I'm sure if my DD needed longer to learn I would have fought against it but she trained at 2 years and wouldn't even let me in the cubicle with her by 2.5 years. Now that can be inconvenient especially in cafes etc where she likes to lock the door behind her

growingtomatoes · 19/03/2010 16:45

YABU does it matter if she has a bit of poo on her bottom? You probably bather her every night anyway. It is good for her to be independent, they proably don't have a member of staff to just wipe bottoms.

Shaz10 · 19/03/2010 17:06

If she's really bad at wiping, ask her to tell a member of staff when she's going and they may check for her.

Original poster

Confuzzeled · 19/03/2010 17:43

Wow, now I feel bad that it's me who's not taught her properly. I thought she was doing pretty well for her age.

I don't bath her every night, normally she doesn't need it.

She does tell a staff member when she goes to the loo, it's a small room, only about 10 kids. She loves going to the loo on her own at home but she usually tells me when she needs a poo so I help her as she can't reach properly (God, what if she's got abnormal arms). She always washes her hands properly too.

I remember my nephew had to have help wiping his bottom till he started school, so I assumed all kids were like this.

She has sensitive skin and gets a spots when she's not wiped properly. I guess I just need to teach her how to do it better.

OP posts:

soapboxqueen · 19/03/2010 17:51

All children are different. If she tells a member of staff that she needs to go to the loo and they are aware of her needs, then there is no excuse for her being in soiled underwear for hours at a time.

Many children are able at 3 to go to the loo, most need help every once in a while. Some are still in nappies...some are still in nappies well after this too but that is rare.

Then you get the ones who run in from the playground with their pants around their ankles shouting 'Miss i'm going for a poo!'

Makes me smile.

Shaz10 · 19/03/2010 18:37

She's probably just so eager to get back to play that she can't be bothered to do it properly! If you told me she was having trouble and she remembered to say when she was going (or I spotted her going in), I would check and give her a hand if necessary.

onebadbaby · 19/03/2010 18:54

We always have a laugh at my daughters "poo patch" as she calls it and she is 4 and 1/2. It is no big deal. YABU

neillybeag · 19/03/2010 18:55

In an environment where vulnerable people congregate sickness and diarrhoea could easily be passed around like wildfire by pooey fingers of preschoolers who are not adequately supervised either wiping or hand washing. If they are left to their own devices whilst wiping then I assume they are left to their own devices to properly clean any poo from their hands. Hands which have probably also just touched taps and spread germs that way too.

I find it quite neglectful that such young children are not supervised more thoroughly in a preschool childcare environment. Staying safe and healthy are big principles of the EYFS.

Nurseries also ask children to be kept at home for 48hrs if they develop and sickness diarrhoea - which is at the parent's expense.

They ought to supervise more carefully. I don't care whether they don't have the staff. It's just logical and in the intersts of protecting everyone else.

RumourOfAHurricane · 19/03/2010 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

msmum007 · 19/03/2010 19:13

Some grown up blokes still can't wipe themselves properly, lol! I'm an ex-nurse!
Seriously, she will soon learn that she needs to wipe herself properly otherwise she'll be uncomfortable. Maybe she needs a few more lessons at home
She'll learn!

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