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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect nursery to wipe my childs bum?

63 replies

Confuzzeled · 19/03/2010 15:42

DD will be 3 in a couple of weeks. She goes to nursery 2.5 days a week. She moved into the pre-school room a few weeks ago. DD is toilet trained but like most toddlers, can't wipe her bottom properly after she's had a poo.

After she moved to the pre-school room she started coming home with poo stained pants. I've asked them twice to make sure her bottom is clean and they've told me they'll try as the kids can just use the toilet by themselves. Today I picked her up and as soon as we got home I noticed she was smelly. There was a bit of dried poo and it had spread all over her knickers. The fact that it was dry makes me think it had happened this morning and had been like that for hours.

She doesn't poo in her pants but I know she would go for a poo and not wipe properly, this is clearly whats happened again.

Is to much to expect a member of staff to go to the loo with her and wipe her bum if she has a poo?

OP posts:
activate · 19/03/2010 19:20

teach her how to wipe properly

most 3 year olds can wipe properly if you teach them properly

pigletmania · 19/03/2010 19:21

YANBU at all, this would not be acceptable for an adult and should not be accpetable for a young pre schooler. The nursery should have certain standards of care, the children are only young and some are not even toilet trained yet, or some just so are still learning and not able to manage by themselves, they are only little give them a chance!

My dd is just 3 and is not yet:-0. I will be putting her in training pants in a couple of months time as i am fed up of nappies. The pre school where she goes is ever so good, if a child is not able to go by themselves (and yes there are some they are only little) there is enough staff there to help them as they should at that age. Yes if they are older than they should be expected to go on their own and to manage their toileting themselves.

pigletmania · 19/03/2010 19:23

Confuzzleds lo is not yet 3 still only little, not 3.5 goint onto 4 btw.

pigletmania · 19/03/2010 19:29

By the sounds of some of you here my only just 3 year old not yet toilet trained is very backwards as she SHOULD be able to manage toileting all by herself by now. Whatever happened to individual differences in little ones. I have tried and failed 3 times to toilet train my dd as she is mentally and physically not yet ready. She is showing some signs so will put her into training pants in a couple of months time, she has just started at a new pre school and the teachers said for me not to start yet and to let her get used to her new setting.

pigletmania · 19/03/2010 19:30

I feel so rubbish reading some of your posts. My dd may be 3 but developmentally she is a bit younger.

Greensleeves · 19/03/2010 19:34

It doesn't matter whether or not we feel she should or shouldn't be able to wipe her own bottom at nearly three

the fact is she can't - so she needs help, she is entitled to be cared for in accordance with her needs - she will get sore as well as smelly if this is not done

I wouldn't leave an animal covered in shit frankly, I'm unnerved by posts saying "it's normal"

Cathpot · 19/03/2010 19:46

There is NO WAY I would want my just turned 3 year old trying to wipe her own pooey bum, seriously it would be carnage, and she is a physically able child.

It is a tricky business and I am still slightly traumatised by the poo that missed my face by a whisker and hit the shower door when I was trying to teach my older child at 4 years old. She has only just got the hang of it properly and reliably at 5- for the first term of school I was putting clean pants in a bag on her peg in case she didnt manage. She is a whirlysplat poo type of child.

I would say the nursery at the very least could ask the children to try and wipe their bum and then check how they had done for them. Early childcare involves dealing with poo there are no two ways about it. If I have 3 or 4 year old kids round to play at home and they go for a poo I ask if they want help and if they do, I wipe for them.

coldtits · 19/03/2010 19:49

Picture this.

Social worker walks into a house to find a three year old covered in shit.

"What's going on" the SW asks the mother.

"He should be able to do it himself. He's three and fully toilet trained. he has a bath tonight anyway"

Now then, what do we think the social worker would think of this situation? Would this be acceptable?

kittycat37 · 19/03/2010 19:52

YANBU - my nursery would definitely wipe my DD bum and she is the same age as yours.

KERALA1 · 19/03/2010 19:55

YANBU second what Greensleeves said. I have sensible 3 yr old 4 in summer she has been potty trained day and night since she was 2.5 and she can't properly wipe herself yet, neither can many of her little friends, all older than OPs dd.

Surely ensuring this is done properly is required to meet the childs basic needs on the same level as making sure they dont go hungry or thirsty?

activate · 19/03/2010 19:56

why can't they wipe properly though - it's part of potty training - if they're reliably potty traind then they are capable of reliable wiping if you teach them how

am ocnfused has never been an issue here

coldtits · 19/03/2010 19:59

Some
Children
Do
Not
Have
The
Same
Abilities
As
other
Children

coldtits · 19/03/2010 20:01

I have never, in my 7 years of parenting, had an issue with fussy eating, whining, or learing to read.

Clearly the other parents having these issues are making it all up.

Greensleeves · 19/03/2010 20:13
gobsmackedetal · 19/03/2010 20:34

this is so weird. I have never before heard of three year old expected to wipe their own bms at nursery.

At DD's nursery they are supervised when in the toilet whether they like it or not. And yes, when they poo their bums get wiped by the nursery workers.

Am I weird to think this normal?

activate · 19/03/2010 20:43

Maybe
Some
Parents
Do
Not
Focus
On
The
Same
Lessons
As
other
Parents

Greensleeves · 19/03/2010 20:44

Anyone
Who
Thinks
Bum-wiping
Is
A
Key
Priority
In
The
Life
Of
A
Toddler
Is
A
Joyless
Anally
Retentive
Oddball

notnowbernard · 19/03/2010 20:51

NOt sure what happened at dd1's nursery but she could also wipe efficiently at young age so never came home with messy pants

DD2 can wipe but 'refuses' to after a poo but she never comes home with messy pants either (different nursery) so I assume they help her

How could anyone knowingly let a child leave themselves covered in poo?

hellymelly · 19/03/2010 20:52

My dd is getting close to three and I still wipe her after a poo.she finds it hard to reach properly and i want her to be clean and comfortable.My older DD can wipe herself (,she is just five),but she likes me to either do it or to check that she is clean as she gets worried about it so I do still happily help.None of my friends children could wipe properly at nearly three and I would be upset if my dd was left poo-coated for a whole day! It could make her really sore,or give her a horrible tummy upset if she was pulling at her pants etc.Mine isn't at nursery so I have no idea what they do but i would expect most children of that age to need a little bit of help!

pigletmania · 19/03/2010 20:54

Wonder what you all would think of my not quite ready untoilet trained dd just 3 then! Is it my bad parenting! Is it my lack of focus! DD wiping her own bum noway!

KERALA1 · 19/03/2010 21:03

Would not think anything pigletmania they are all different. Mine toilet trained early but walked really really late - there is always something to worry about

GoldenSnitch · 19/03/2010 21:06

DS turned 3 on Wednesday. He's been potty trained for about 6 months now but I've always wiped for him, his little arms don't seem long enough to reach.

He starts pre-school after the Easter hols. Do I need to do a wiping crash course to stop hm coming home covered in poo!?!

pigletmania · 19/03/2010 21:09

I would love for anything for her go to recognise when she needs a wee or poo, take herself to the toilet and manage herself, but she is so far from that at the moment. DD has just started at a lovely new pre school nursery full time so I am hoping that by being with other boys and girls will encourage her, and will force her out of nappies in a couple of months time. Fingers crossed, this will be the 4th time

NeedCoffee · 19/03/2010 21:11

YANBU-I wouldn't expect a child under about 5 to be able to completely go herself and wipe, what if she has diarrohea and it goes everywhere? They should supervise toilet visits, especially if there are only 10 kids.
DD1 used to bend over with her bum in the air shouting to come check her bum!
Have a word with the nursery again and tell them she is coming home covered sometimes and it is making her very sore.

taegsmum · 19/03/2010 21:32

my LO is not even 2 yet so i haven't experienced him going to a nursery but i was a little worried about this as i have heard from friends that they dont help them wipe at the one near me where my LO will possibly be going and that their LO's used to come home dirty...i was totally shocked at how this could be acceptable

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