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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect DH not to go to SA...

35 replies

muddler · 17/03/2010 14:02

I can't say much for fear of outing, but DH's work have asked him to go to SA for the World Cup (to work). Trouble is DC2 is due on 30 July. For me it was a no brainer and he can't but as the day goes on I am feeling uneasily guilty about it - he would be there for the length of time England stay in (no not a player!) so would be at the longest June 11 to July 11 final.
WWYD?
Oh and we had stressful end to first pregnancy and induction a week early, which is probably what is making me a bit nervous about saying go for it.....

OP posts:

belgo · 17/03/2010 14:04

Difficult one. Do you have support from family if he goes away?

Original poster

muddler · 17/03/2010 14:05

Would fly mum over from Ireland I guess...
I know he would love to do it, plum job and chance of a lifetime. And I would hate that he will silently resent not going, even though he is a good dad and husband

OP posts:

Rindercella · 17/03/2010 14:06

Difficult one. I understand why you wouldn't want him to be so far away a month or so before your baby is due (vongratulations btw). However, it will be a fabulous opportunity for him, and I guess one which he is really loath to turn down?

It is of course highly likely that England will only make it as far as the 1/4 finals, so he will probably be home far sooner than 11th July.

What other support do you have around you, just in case?

mumblechum · 17/03/2010 14:07

I wouldn't try to stop him going, even if England got to the final he'd be home almost 3 weeks before you're due.

belgo · 17/03/2010 14:07

I think he should do it. It does sound like a great opportunity.

JackSpratt · 17/03/2010 14:09

If his work have asked him, I take it, its not imperative he goes.

Personally if it was my dh I would want him in the same country as me in the last month or so (especially with a young child to look after.

Am currently pg and dh does work away a lot (Middle East) am getting round the birth thing by emigrating (though that might be a little drastic for you!)

slightlystressed · 17/03/2010 14:11

I would find out what percentage of babies are born before 37 weeks and then decide if you want to risk it.

Was your first DC late or early?

I think there was a thread on here somewhere comparing the arrival of first and second DCs.

bibbitybobbityhat · 17/03/2010 14:12

Maybe he knows my dh? Mine is going early June to early July. I am not pg though! Its difficult to advise you but I think on balance I'd probably want him to go (for his sake) and try and arrange good local support for you .

MrsJohnDeere · 17/03/2010 14:13

My dh got back from SA for ds1's induction (at 38 weeks) with just 24 hours notice, and with time to spare.

YANBU to feel anxious, but it sounds like a great opportunity for him so I would send him with your blessing.

JackSpratt · 17/03/2010 14:14

My 1st took 37 hours.
My 2nd took 2 hrs.
3rd I am being advised on a homebirth as its a 25 min drive to the nearest hospital!

sb6699 · 17/03/2010 14:19

I reckon he will be back a month before you're due, so I probably wouldnt mind him going.

If it was any less than 3 weeks, I would.

If you can round up some support for while he's away (just in case), it is a great opportunity for him - I know my dh would love to go.

LadyBiscuit · 17/03/2010 14:19

I think you should say he can go. It's very unlikely that you will give birth that early(unless your consultant thinks otherwise) and the World Cup only comes around every 4 years. And the flight time from SA isn't long so he could be back within 24 hours if there was some kind of crisis.

He will be massively grateful that you have changed your mind too so he will owe you big time. Always better to be in credit I think

Original poster

muddler · 17/03/2010 14:20

Thanks folks - I think I will say go, on the priviso that me and baby comes first and if something happens he comes home.
I was induced at 39 weeks last time by the way

OP posts:

squeaver · 17/03/2010 14:21

Tbh, I'd let him go. There's so little chance of England being in the final, he'll back before you know it.

I know lots of people who have worked at World Cups and Olympics and, from a career point of view (I'm assuming he's in sports marketing, sponsorship etc), it really is a fantastic opportunity and will stand him in good stead for many many years to come.

doggiesayswoof · 17/03/2010 14:27

I think this is tricky though.

If he says to his employer "I'll go, but I must drop everything and go if something happens at home" then where does that leave the job which presumably still needs to be done if something unexpected happens and he does have to leave early?

Worst case scenario = he has to come home, leaving no one to do his job. If I was his boss I would not be keen to take that risk.

My office sends a lot of people overseas to events and I know how important reliability is. You're always working to minimise the business risks involved.

BUT it is a fantastic opportunity for him and I'm only trying to look at it from a different angle.

I think if it was my DH he would turn it down tbh.

CrankyTwanky · 17/03/2010 14:29

My DH was going to go, which would have been amazing for him, but I'd be left with the 3 children etc. Plus he'd use up his AL.
It is,I think 9 hours on the plane, but with no jet-lag. Best he goes before the birth.

As it happened, his dad,(who was paying) got the heebie-jeebies about it after going a few months ago and seeing the crime. Plus he was attacked by a baboon who broke into his hotel room. We are all a little relieved tbh.

JackSpratt · 17/03/2010 14:36

Apologies

But am snurking at the baboon attack

I am a BAD person.

Original poster

muddler · 17/03/2010 14:37

He said he has been honest with his boss (who went to the Japan world cup when his wife was pg).
He would of course turn it down but I have been making maybe noises so he has his hopes up bless him.
Baboons the least of my worries - we have been to SA loads and he knows it really well - it is the distance that's the problem

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AbsOfCroissant · 17/03/2010 14:44

Well, it's an 11 hour flight (London to Jo'burg) and during the summer there's only 1 hour time difference. I'm no football expert, BUT I think the chances of England making it to the final are rather slim at the moment (with Wayne Bridge refusing to participate, Beckham injured etc. etc.) so he should be back pretty soon-ish.

I would let him go, but demand lots of presents.

doggiesayswoof · 17/03/2010 14:53

Agree it's pretty unlikely England will reach the final.

It is a long way isn't it.

I suppose he also has to think about how it will look if he turns it down. I know in my place it would be a bit of a black mark if you were asked to travel and said no (which is stupid and unfair, I know)

2old4thislark · 17/03/2010 14:54

I would let him go - he should be back before your very own kick-off! If his boss has been in the same situation then he should understand.

Just think of the brownie points you'll have to trade with when he comes back!

diddl · 17/03/2010 16:47

I would just say do you have someone you could leave your child with and a back up birth partner just in case?

IndigoSky · 17/03/2010 16:51

I'd move your mum over for the month and let him go. If you're on time or just a little bit early he will have missed out on a great opportunity for nothing (ykwim).

Can you arrange with his boss that if you do go into labour then he can fly back right away?

Let him go I think.

Original poster

muddler · 17/03/2010 18:13

Good idea about birth partner - I could get my sister over too if England get to the final. Can't believe I am planning birth of my second baby around terry and co!
About to call Mum, if she will come over (and most importantly be chilled and not her usual manic, anxious self) then he is going to be a very lucky man indeed - and I am in some serious credit for the next few years at least!

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StrictlyKatty · 17/03/2010 18:24

I would let him go. My DH is in the army so is away all the time and I just have to get on with it TBH, not all jobs are actually nice enough to give people the choice

There is literally no way England will reach the final so I'd bet he'd be back weeks before the birth.

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