to really despise boastful parents?

[UpYourViva]

I have one such friend:

"oh little Jimmy can count to one million"

"He can speak fifteen languages fluently and he's only three"

IMO it's a really horrid quality to have

I don't despise people for being insecure. Which is basically what this is all about.

I think some people really don't know they are doing it. I have a friend like that. I find myself usually not mentioning ds's achievements to avoid the competitive boasting that ensues. I do sit and listen to hers ad nauseum though and find it very very difficult to say what I am really thinking.

Do you think? im pretty insecure myself and yet i dont have boastful tendancies

The thing is..boasting only leads to the other parent feeling put down about their own child, my dd does everything at her own pace and im proud of everything she achieves but would never dream of boating about it to anyone other than dp or my mum

I agree with MollieO, mostly they probobly don't realise they're doing it, being that their DC are probobly the most important things in their lives, they'r eprobobly just proud of them and dont realise how it comes across to others.

wiz, you put that nicely

lmao @ wizbit - sadly your mum is right, maybe she should say it out loud though...

these people dont realise that being able to recite numbers of whatever the parents are bragging about means nothing. The education system means that you have to use many other skills to achieve what is in the curriculum at school.

Besides - MY DC are the smartest, cleverest, funniest, gorgeous children in the world and you should all know that by now!
They were born walking, talking and able to dress themselves.

I remember reading a travel thingie in The Times once when a travel writer and her hubby were packing up and travelling with all the children for a year - apparently the children and especially Horatio (or whatever he was called) needed his horizons stretching as he already knew the names of the 28 states of India and was getting bored . Horatio was 6 or 7........

It's a thin line I think ...

Someone I know loves her dc SO much that she praises them all the time, for hours on end. It can get a little wearisome tbh.

She is not the least insecure so I think in her case it comes from insensitivity combined with massive over-the-top motherly love.

lol i didnt even know india had states
what hope do my DCs have??

Stealth - I meant to send it to Private Eye for their Pseud's Corner but never got round to it. (I didn't know India had states until then either).

I only know one mum who boasts, and she is insecure.
I almost admire her saying aloud how well her DD's doing at this and that. As I (and I think some others around me), are keeping quiet about achievements so as not to sound boastful or make other mum's feel down.
I sometimes wonder if I'm not doing the right thing by my DD, and perhaps she should be hearing me say "well I'm so chuffed with DD, she can swim 100 miles and is grade 8 on the vibraphone" back to the other mum.

OMG i sat next to a dad at a school production who went on and on and on about how his kid was great at this and that...then finished with " x is a genious, a true genious we are waitning for the school to discover it, wont be long now".

He turned to me and asked how my boy is doing, i couldnt help myself, i told him that ds is struggling and finds the whole school system difficult and that the teachers were always calling me in as they are struggling to cope with him.

He was truly gobsmacked and shut the fuck up for about 5 minutes (probably thinking that i am a complete mad woman) But i had listened to him droning on about his boy and his self for about half an hour, it was like the flood gates had been opened when he finally asked me something. till that point i had nodded and smiled and made all the right noises, but had not spoken a word.

I am happy for him that his child is doing well, i jsut felt that he was rubbing my face in it abit as ds truly is struggling.

I wouldn't necessarily say it's despicable as such, just boring and unaware. Unless someone does it deliberately to make another parent or child feel bad, obviously.

Agree it's insecurity. I know one lady with 3 granddaughters who waxes lyrical about her brilliantly clever, musical, talented, pretty GDs. Again and again. And IMO they aren't particularly. Any of those things. But her son is in a wheelchair, and her DIL has to work long hours to keep them all afloat and she herself does a lot for the family to help them cope. I think she just worries and wants to be a positive as possible.

And then there is my godson

It is very difficult to talk to other parents about your children without them thinking that either you don't really care about their achievments, or that you are boasting.

I find that if i am talking about DD to other parents with dc the same age, i will tell them what she is good at, but i will also tell them what we are struggling with.

For example:

My DD is very good at puzzles, playing by herself, very independant and recognises most of the alphabet,

But

She is quite antisocial, likes to do her own thing all the time and gets a bit ocd about certain things which can make it difficult for her to fit in with group activities.

I will not stop being openly proud of my DD's acheivements - why should i?

Avril- thats fantastic but i think you know not talking about parents with disadvantaged children

Im talking about people who cant help but broadcast their childs every achievement without thinking how that may affect anyone else

sorry...should have said im not talking about

My mother used to do this, still does given half the chance.

Consequently, I spent the majority of family gatherings wishing the ground would swallow me up as the rest of the family glared at the apparently perfect child...

It's a very unhealthy thing to do to a child.

Ok i just want to point out that i am in NO way stating that there is a problem with being openly proud of your child's achievements. Im talking about the ridiculous side of it such as "little Jimmy is the cleverest boy i know, he's going to be a genius, i dont know any other child who is as intelligent as little Jimmy" - these are seriously the sorts of comments that come out of my friends mouth

I agree, it's obnoxious.

I never mention how incredibly advanced all three of my children are, or the fact that they are the brightest children in their class. I keep my lips zipped about their extreme musical ability, their delightful singing voices and their athletic skills.

Actually Amber, you're right. I remember that feeling.

It's tricky though no? If I say something negative about, say, DD1 (eg, "she struggles with maths") I feel like I'm being a mean mother, labelling her etc. If I say "But she loves her books and is really enjoying reading by herself", then that can sound as if I'm boasting. So I just don't really join in that sort of discussion unless asked a direct question eg, "How is DD1 coping with the maths curriculum?" - which of course rarely gets asked as who is realy interested in other people's children reading ability, at least at her age (6 years).

However, I would hope there is a middle ground. I've just done something I'm reasonably proud of in my (meagre) career (produced a particular product that is available in the shops) and my mother has refused to recommend it to her friends in case they think she is boasting, which is a shame i think (though I am of course biased!).