to really despise boastful parents?

[UpYourViva]

I have one such friend:

"oh little Jimmy can count to one million"

"He can speak fifteen languages fluently and he's only three"

IMO it's a really horrid quality to have

There is a clear distinction between pride and boastfulness - even the most socially inept should be able to recognise that.

Boastfuness in both adults and children is not pleasant to be around, and while it may not affect our lives one jot, it does put us off wanting to be around those who do it.

My NCT groups occassionally circulate emails where we update each other on our little ones' achievements. However our babies are all just 12-14 months, so their achievements are purely developmental; not the result of a budding Einstein, or superior parenting skills. This doesn't seem to resonate with most of them, though.

I think the thing I most dislike (despise is a strong word, and I honestly don't think the OP meant it literally!) about boasting is the inherent assumption that the boaster's child is better than the boastee's.

The main thing that stops me from boasting (aside from not wanting to be totally sidelined as a complete and utter bore) is the belief that whatever I come out with will be spectacularly trumped and I'll be made to look completely foolish, though this doesn't stop many...

Oh, little Tarquin has negotiated peace in the Middle East? Well, Henrietta discovered a cure for AIDS 5 months ago!

5Dollar you hit the nail on the head!

Id just like to say im not literally saying i despise people who boast but rather i despise boastfulness in itself, perhaps i should have worded it better.

Pitch i have already stated many times in this thread that pride is completely different than boasting! i am immensly proud of all my dds achievements and when it's an approappriate time to talk about my proudness...i will, if i was to just constantly go on and on about my child being the best in everything despite the other persons interest then i feel it's boasting

If "boastfulness" is due to insecurity, then despising people who do it is due to jealousy.

One person's "proud and excited about their child's achievements" is another person's boasting.

But who says boastfulness is due to insecurity? it's not a fact is it, im insecure but i dont boast

And i did just say that i meant i despise boastfulness itself not actually the people who do it

Like I say, the most boasty people I know are v successful and brimming with positive self-confidence.

it is not a personality type that i like, but it does seem to lead to success. I often wonder whether passing on the ideals of being modest and not bragging will actually hinder my children in later life rather than help them. OTOH the people I have known like that have not been nice to be around. it's all "look at meeeeeeeeeee aren't I great!" and this extends to the children. Both encouraging them to behave like this as it is "confident", and when speaking of them.

You can be perfectly successful without having everyone around you want to stab you with a fish knife and then have nothing more to do with you, though.

There is a middle ground between boastful and reticent. And as lots of people have pointed out, it's being rightfully proud of your kids without tipping over the edge into one-upmanship and superiority.

I think such people are fun to take the mick out of, especially when there's clearly some exaggeration. A friend once announced thar her DD was talking in sentences at 7 months. A mutual friend - who was pregnant at the time - added that her foetus was developing quite a vocabulary, too...

I wish I knew some boastful parents, honestly, I only know parents who sigh that their Yr-6 child is in extra remedial tuition and why the F didn't the school teach said child to read by now?

I would love to smirk at some chronic boasters, that would amuse me no end.

dd1 is very academically able and if it crops up in conversation I will say that but I've never been one to go on that she is bright and gifted blah blah blah how they achieve at school and in other things is only one measure of how they are as a person. I always harp on that I want my dc to be happy in life and loving towards others. I'm not achievement driven so don't feel the need to boast about them? I am very proud when they are particularly kind/unselfish/loving that type of thing.

I know what you mean, CarGirl - I am always super proud of how lovely dd is with her brother. But perhaps others read that as you boasting about how much better your daughter is than theirs? Ie their child isnt kind etc.

~I will have to watch out that I don't come across boastful of my (fabulous) kids... I can honestly say that I think all kids are pretty fab and thought I was not shy of giving compliments for other children's achievements (social or academic) as well as my own - but I will take care...

parent boasting makes me bite my tongue alot.

a friend recently boasted she weaned both her dds at 3 months claiming 'theres no harm in that you know' if i hadn't bitten my tongue so hard i would have come out with 'no, nothing except that dd2 is allergic to everything and has some serious health problems resulting in numerous hospital apps!' (said in a cross voice if i had the guts to say it)

as soon as i hear 'oh dc is soooo advanced' i just think oh fuck off...would you love them any less if they were behind??

Why is it so wrong to be proud of a child's achievements?

Solo, I can't believe your friend asked you not to take your ds2 on a playdate with her son, as though being less than brilliant were contagious!

I'm not jealous of people who go on about their child's achievements, but it does show a thoughtlessness. I feel the same thoughtlessness from people who go on about daddy this daddy that, tell daddy, show daddy blah blah in front of my children. I know my children won't care if some mad woman says the word Daddy 45 times in under a minute, but why would she do that in front of small children who effectively don't have a Daddy. Shows a thoughtlessness that wouldn't be a characteristic you'd look for in a friend.

Its that God awful Christmas round robin letter that get me..When i become prime Minister, which wont be long now, it will be illegal to send them.

Gosh it is a hard one tbh I am struggling too think of any boastful parents in my experience. I enjoy hearing about childrens acheivements and of course lots of comparing goes on but I find myself more guilty of doing the opposite and whenever my children are complimented I will say something negative they do out of embarrassment! Which is awful and I am trying hard not to do that!

I am proud of my children, but I don't go on about them though I was so proud of dd for writing something (I love nanny) in a card with very little help from me that I told another friend about it and immediately felt awkward and hoped she didn't think I was boasting. So if anything I think the Brits have a tendency to denegrate rather than celebrate, which isn't necessarily a good thing either.

But blatent, unprompted boasting can be awful as well it is a tricky line to tread the one between proud parent and pushy loud mouth!

If I'm proud of my children I tell them rather than boast to other people. I see little point of being proud of them achieving something that is easy for them though? I'm proud of achievement when they've worked for it or for something they've tried hard at, swallowed selfishness for etc.

Why would anyone else be interested?

I tend to share the funny or insanely stupid or naughty things they've done with friends so we can giggle/commiserate together!

Starlight My eldest was using 12 word + sentences at 18 months, thankfully my younger children are much more normal

My youngest said 'no more' today and 'more more' when he meant 'yes, more!' - I was proud as anything and have shared it with people who probably dont really care . He is 19mths, so is not advanced, but I thought it was cute. Should I not 'boast'?

You share it because it's cute though (which it is) you weren't claiming he was so wonderfully linguistically advanced and using that as an example.

It's people who drone on how their children are the best at everything, put them in for all the entry exams because they are so brilliant etc etc etc etc

I think it is quite funny -just let them run on and enjoy it!

I much prefer to hear people taking pride in their children than putting them down.

Also, when you have a child with special needs, it can be quite refreshing and just nice to have something positive to say about your child.

It's not so much the boasting that I hate, it's the fact that some parents think that their little darling is so wonderful and they are so proud that they feel the need to tell you everything that little Johnny does!

It's soooo boring and tedious having to smile and nod when you are told for the trillionth time that little Johnny did another poo on the toilet. Then you have to listen to the story again when other people join you in conversation. Grrr!