to find it incredibly irritating when in certain circles school fees are talked about as if they are a necessity, not a choice?

[emkana]

Like Emma Thomson currently on the Women programme on BBC 4, or very often in the "Style" section of the Sunday Times.

My dd goes to an independent school and my ds will start in September. We chose to send them because the schools are right for them. Yes, we are lucky enough to be able to afford it and that is with me still being a sahm.

I didn't choose to send them because I am a snob, I have no desire for them or us to meet the 'right' people, I'm doing it for them.

I have had no end of comments from so called friends who have taken to interrogating my dd as to what she is doing at school. What is she doing in maths/reading levels. I have had horrible comments about her uniform being old-fashioned, that she'll turn into a weirdo because she goes to a single sex school and that she'll probably start talking in a different accent. Some of these people could afford to send their dc to private school but choose not to, which of course is their perogative.

However I don't see why I have to take these comments on the chin all the time. I don't make nasty comments about their dc's schools, I don't crow about my dd's achievements or boast about her school. I'm just overjoyed that she's happy and settled in her school.

I have no great desire for her to go to a top university I just want her to realise that she does have opportunities in life and that hopefully she can achieve them. At the moment she wants to be a doctor during the week and a lifeguard during the weekend. What's wrong with that?

Ducking now, as preparing to be flamed!

It's not wrong, it's human nature. Mrs Middleton, Mrs Bennett...

(Isn't it loverly that the younger members of the royal family are choosing mates from the middle classes?)

I think that parents who chose their kids school mainly because of 'social networking' would probably be classified wrong'uns in my book

Follygirl

It is natural that people will be jealous of you. It's natural that you do whatever you think is best for your child.

me too, Grimma.

And that Grimmer, is why you have languished at the bottom of the social ladder.

WTF is that comment based on, Tripoli?

I think there are so many different sorts of private school now that a blanket statement about them all doesn't work.

Ds' school is a small, boho sort of place, with exactly the same kind of parents as in his state school, but I chose it for the care and compassion and their outstanding Ofsted in personal development of the pupils. Finally he can be seen as a person, not just the silent child who makes life easier in a big class and so gets utterly ignored.

It is not the same as the sausage factories for exams that also exist. Or the posh preps that are all about "people like us" and keeping the great unwashed at bay.

Yep, I don't think I know any of the nobility or leading parliamentarians.

I prefer the odd FRS and Nobel prize winner, fortunately.

I remember throughout my university and early working career, occasionally being asked what school
I attended and being utterly confused because I was sure the Eton old-boy asking me had never heard of 'bog-standard comp in south London.'

later I learned to mutter ' oh just a normal school, you won't have heard of it.'

for weathier sections of society a state school education means you will probably appear on the Jeremy Kyle show sooner or later.

Eton old-boys have lovely manners though

I had a boyfriend from Eton when I was 14.

yes, lovely manners.

But of course, only the thick ones go to public schools, all the really smart children are in the state sector.
Pity the parents who are dumb enough to pay for education when such superb and free alternative is provided by the state.
I mean, really, they all must be DM reading, pitchfork carrying ignoramuses who should be ridiculed at every opportunity, why, fools and their money and all that.
And just think how stupid their children are, spoonfeed Latin and expensive booze and drugs, paaahhh...

Oh they do lovely teas at Eton as well.

DS1 played rugby matches there. The teas were always lovely. He actually wanted to go there but changed his mind when he knew it would be boarding.
Also I think I hampered his chances by leaving with a handbag full of Rocky Road. In fairness it was a very posh handbag.

And don't forget the teachers, RM, all the rubbish ones are in the independent sector

smallorange, I once went for an interview at an ultra-posh recruitment agency. I realised I wasn't 'their sort of person' when I saw the box on the application form asking what school my father went to

pag I just caught a glimpse, on my list of threads I'm on, of "lovely teas at Eton" and I feel compelled to tell you that you have ignited a wholly innappropriate (for 1pm) craving for a huge scone with strawberry jam and clotted cream. or maybe, at a push, a slab of coffee cake. no what, pray, am I meant to do with that?

Stealth; which comment? The advice to G was a joke. The one about going to Marlboro for social connections is just something I know.

What Rollmop said

Of course, Litchick.... Teachers, don't you dare to call them teachers, what, no proper teaching credentials, only some pathetic PhD or somesuch, keep yer children away I tell ya!

Not sure if it's true now, but everyone at Eton used to follow Eastenders rabidly.

Surely for the pure comedy value. Just imagine the impersonations and accents and all that. Good giggle that would be.
Like 'car crash trash'....

Hmm, the poll is here but there is nothing about education... I'm sure I remember reading it somewhere... Perhaps someone from Towers can confirm if they have ever actually asked this...

hm, think it could be an MN urban myth then....

Completely agree OP!

I REALLY wish someone would explain why sending your children to private school is detrimental to the state system. Its a 'fact' bandied around by mn and the media as if it were a given, but it doesn't stack up...

Surely you ARE saving approx £5k per head per child by not taking up a place from the government.

Surely the 7% in private are still made up of the normal ability groups..SEN, dim, average and bright.

So putting them back in the state sector won't magically transfer ability to the others through osmosis?

and the fact is private school mums can be just as helpful, nice or unhelpful, unsupportive and ignorant as their counterpart state school mums, hence they don't confer any magical abilty to improve the state schools either.

So bringing 7 % back into the state fold just costs the state millions of pounds it can ill afford.
What am I missing here??????