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AIBU?

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Original poster

for getting really p****ed off with my MIL acting as if my DS is a clone of her DS

55 replies

girlafraid · 15/03/2010 14:24

I guess they all do this, don't they? DS is a clone of my DH apparently and their side of the family, nothing he does can possibly have anything to do with me and he looks nothing like me at all blah blah.

I get myself involved in rather undignified moments whenever she says anything pointing out that I did have something to do with him too. We had a quite frankly ridiculous discussion recently where she suggested that DNA is not always passed on 50/50. I kid you not.

Should I be gracious and let her talk, after all she is a mad old bag dear old lady?
Or continue to seethe with irritation every time I'm forced to spend time with her

OP posts:
doesntplaywellwithothers · 15/03/2010 14:27

She's crazy...smile and nod, and change the subject!!

belgo · 15/03/2010 14:27

Turn it around. Anything even vaguely negative about your ds eg. poor sleeper, bad eater, tell her it's because he takes after his dad.

GibbonInARibbon · 15/03/2010 14:28

lol Belgo

SparklyGothKat · 15/03/2010 14:29

I get this all the time, DS1 was the double of DH, and DS2 is the double again (DS1 and DD2 are 10 years apart but do look very very similar). Ds2 doesn't sleep well, so 'oh he takes after his dad, he didn't sleep till he was 18 months' Ds2 is 30 months old now.

Drives me made as I can see my brother in my sons, but of course they look idential to DH, even though I have seen pics and I don't think they do...

thumbwitch · 15/03/2010 14:30

Yep, I got this too - did annoy me quite a lot for a while but I do what Belgo suggested!

AshleyFanjo · 15/03/2010 14:31

Oh God! I have exactly the same issue.

I swear she thinks I was simply the host of her cloned DS.

Among many other things, the other day she asked me if he was more like her DS1 or her DS2? WTF! I have 3 brothers of my own plus an entire family. My DS is a person in his own right and not a clone of her offspring!

More annoyingly DH is starting to join in. Any little thing DS does that any baby would do he responds with "oh he gets that from me, I used to do that"

Lemonmeringue · 15/03/2010 14:33

I get annoyed that everything good about my girls apparently comes direct from mother-in-law, not even filtered through their father.

Fingers in ears, etc.

Original poster
girlafraid · 15/03/2010 14:33

ROFL @ Belgo although even annoying things DH did as a child were apparently utterly endearing

I love DH to bits but his mother makes me go off him when she starts up like that!

OP posts:
Onestonetogo · 15/03/2010 14:34

how annoying. Ask her where you can find the medical literature that says that DNA is not passed on 50/50. Silly woman! YANBU

SparklyGothKat · 15/03/2010 14:34

Ds2 is a little turd, he is always on the go,and is very cheeky (I do adore him though ) but MIL just say 'oh just like his dad was'

lolapoppins · 15/03/2010 14:40

My dad harps on about ds like that. Everything he does is just like what my dad/me/his brother/his dad did.

I really feel for dh when he goes on and on as dh has no contact with his family (through choice, they were barking)so has no idea really of what he was like as a small child to compare ds to.

I wouldn't be too pissed off at your MIL. I can see myself being a little like that if ds ever has a child. He is my only child and I love him so much I can imagine myself comparing his kids to how lovely he is.

swanandduck · 15/03/2010 14:52

My MIL will often say 'oh his dad used to do that' or 'I've an old photo of his father and he looked just like that'. Likewise, my mother will say 'He reminds me so much of your brother at that age'. Or 'you used to love doing that as well'. People just comment on things that remind them of their own children when young.

Jux · 15/03/2010 16:09

Oh yes, I had nothing to do with dd....

starkadder · 15/03/2010 19:20

Me too, I'm another incubator of miracle 100% DNA from husband's family child

pixiemamma · 15/03/2010 19:22

lol - I thought this was just my MIL, am reassured. It is very annoying though.

kittycat37 · 15/03/2010 19:26

God I thought it was only me that had this problem!! YANBU - when my MIL starts with all that rubbish I say 'actually she's far more like my Mum/sister/brother/Dad/myself in that respect' because the alternative is that I start silently seething and having evil thoughts about MIL-tracide.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 15/03/2010 19:28

I too had nothing to do with my DC's. Although she doesnt always claim they look like her son either- they are usually like some really distant relative of hers.

For example DS has brown hair and brown eyes whilst all their immediate family are lighter with blue eyes. However soemthing like DH's grandmothers sisters cousin had brown hair when she was young and therefore that is where it comes from.

Nothing to do with my brown hair and eyes then

They also often look at DS really closely and say 'Its so so strange to see brown eyes on a child' as if it is some freaky trait. Quite.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 15/03/2010 19:29

It would annoy me too, if DS really weren't SO like his father... DH denies it because DS can be troubling at times... I then... On the other hand MIL says that DD looks like my gran, and many people say she looks like me (poor thing), and yet I think they both look very alike... that might be because DH and I could pass for brother and sister (we aren't !!!!!!!!), and he looked a lot like my DN as a child). When your MIL is referring to genetics she is more likely referring to character traits... that said, some medical conditions are only 25% inheritable... I was told my condition might be less than that because I have it so mildly (by a dr!!!)... his was later corrected by a dr after the genetic links were found and it is 50/50... Fortunately they took DH's 50% there!!

mumof2point5 · 15/03/2010 19:30

hey, could be worse - my mil has suggested that DC look nothing like her DS!!!!!
they are the image of him btw!!

scaredoflove · 15/03/2010 19:32

Actually, children can be more like one parent than the other

Out of my 4 (now all mid teen to late teen) the youngest two are a mix of character and looks of both me and my exh. The eldest two however, DD1 is my ex in all ways and has nothing of me and DD2 is me in all ways and has nothing of him

I have a white friend who is married to a man with mixed heritage (half jamaican) She has one child that is very black, darker than her husband but who looks like her, one that is blonde/brown eyed but facially looks like her dad and one that is blonde, blue eyed and looks nothing like either of them

I wouldn't worry about it, it isn't a big deal. I am looking forward to seeing what my offspring make in the way of children. It's interesting how genes come through differently for every child.

I have nieces/nephews and great neices/nephews and we can spot all manner of characteristics/looks from other family members

Let your MIL get enjoyment from your child looking like hers - even if you can't see it. It isn't the end of the world

Ladyanonymous · 15/03/2010 19:41

I have three children by two different fathers, two of them are sons and both the respective Grandmothers (and ex's Step-mum )of each of my sons is exactly like this, although annoyingly any traits which are percieved to be "negative" are met with "Well....he doesn't get that from our side.."

I read somewhere that its their instinctive way of "claiming" the child as their own as they only have our word for it ..although DS2's Grandmother did ask his father "Are you sure its yours" before he was born looking like his fucking double (he is mixed heritage and I am very very blonde)

shonaspurtle · 15/03/2010 19:43

Oh dear. My mum does this - not denying SILs parentage to that extent, but she's always pointing out things that my nephew and neice do that my brother or I did, or something about their looks that is like me or my brother when we were that age. She's probably the talk of SIL's family .

She does it with ds as well and he's the absolute image of dh (which even she admits). As there's no MIL to compete with she has it all her own way there.

I suppose it's just because they love them so much and they didn't know what you were like when you were a baby. Just something to say 90% of the time, like many of these irritating things.

pinky23 · 15/03/2010 19:47

Why do extended family seem to cause so many problems? I had this with my ex MIL she was horrendous used to go into the sleeping babys room and wake him up! and say inane things like oh "I cant tell them apart" meaning how like her son my son was.

Revenge is sweet though he looks just like me know has my eyes,nose and chubby cheeks! oh one thing she said that was true you really couldnt tell the baby and my ex apart! know what I mean!.

Ladyanonymous · 15/03/2010 19:50

Oh yes....and the icing on the cake was when DS2's Grandmother took him out for the day without me and proudly told me on her return that she was mistaken for his mother in the park by another lady and didn't correct her and often used to pick him up he he was a baby saying "come to Mummy".

Hence DS2 sees her on his dads time these days

chiccadee · 15/03/2010 20:51

Ah, but does anyone else brush DSs (very slightly) curly hair straight before visiting MIL to avoid the endless comparisons with DH at the same age???

I know, I'm an evil DIL. I should be locked up for denying an old lady her simple pleasures.

So, no, YANBU in my opinion although I think belgo's response is classier than mine.

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