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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want to stop my daughter going to Newquay with her mates

73 replies

FairPortal · 12/03/2010 17:31

My daughter wants to go to Newquay with a group of 13 of her friends post-GCSEs in July. They will be staying in a tent in a campsite for a week without adults. She will be 16 by then. She will be paying with her own money. I would rather she didn't go as I think it is somewhat unsafe. Is there anything I can legitimately do to stop her going?

OP posts:
claricebeansmum · 12/03/2010 17:32

Why will it be unsafe?

MaureenMLove · 12/03/2010 17:33

No, but they'll be lucky to find a campsite willing to take them!

There was a programme on TV not so long ago, about the sudden increase of post GCSE students, heading for Cornwall and they are trying to discourage them now.

wannaBe · 12/03/2010 17:34

yes, you can say "you're not going."

I wouldn't be comfortable with that either tbh, almost certain to be an alcohol-fuelled stay (they are all under age) and poss drugs too. No no no no no I would just say no.

mumonthenet · 12/03/2010 17:37

It might be safe - it might not be safe. At 16 they are too young to handle the unexpected, imho.

Talk to some of the other mums of her friends, I'll bet you'll find other parents who have the same concerns that you do.

DarrellRivers · 12/03/2010 17:37

There were large problems with under-aged teenagers drinking themselves into oblivion last summer in Newquay and the environs, gathering in large anti-social groups, with some accidental deaths, I think as well
I don't blame you
I would discourage her, perhaps by suggesting you rent somewhere nearby

GermanMum101 · 12/03/2010 17:39

I would let her go. She is 16!
At that age I had gone to London (from Germany) with only one other friend and with 17 I took my first nanny position for two children in Spain. As long as you taught her about responsibility, including contraception and how to deal with alcohol, she should be fine. She is almost an adult. And the trip will be so much fun for her and I believe she deserves it after GCSE's.

cory · 12/03/2010 17:41

tbh I think going abroad as a nanny might actually be safer than travelling with a bunch of friends to a place like Newquay which is going to be full of youngsters pushing drugs and drinking themselves stupid

in many ways, I think teens are safer on their own than in groups of other teens

bibbitybobbityhat · 12/03/2010 17:42

Oh its such a problem for these Cornish towns. Started off with the public school kids descending on them and now everyone follows like sheep. I feel sorry for you, and for the residents. Don't know there is much you can do about it as presumably you cannot lock her up in the house.

catinthehat2 · 12/03/2010 17:42

I'm assuming her alcohol capacity is AOK?

Contraception sorted? Or is she not bothering?

All girls or a mixture? I'm sure all 13 are totally sensible and mature in every way.

DarrellRivers · 12/03/2010 17:43

I agree in some respects with you Germanmum, but this is such a large group, I wonder whether they will be able to look out for each other in the same way I suspect you and your friend did.

catinthehat2 · 12/03/2010 17:43
wannaBe · 12/03/2010 17:45

I really don't get this idea that there's nothing you can do. There is, you just say no. At sixteen there's no way I or my sister would have been off camping drinking and doing drugs with my mates in some campsight full of drunken teens. Yes we might have sulked about it, but that doesn't mean that our parents couldn't say no.

Is it any wonder that teens have no respect for adults when the attitude seems to be that they can do what they want and no-one has the right to stop them?

PurpleHeffalump · 12/03/2010 17:45

They will be unsafe because they will be: drunk 24/7; meeting new 'friends' - i.e. complete strangers who will be much older than them; offered drugs every day (not saying that she would take them and in no way thinking of their safety at all.

How do I know? Because I went to Newquay when I was 16 (although it was a year later than your DD - after year 12 - I am an August birthday). I would have been so annoyed if my mum had stopped me from going (a few of my friends' parents didn't let them). However, I don't think I'd allow my child to go. I'm sure that my parents would have told everyone that I was mature and sensible enough to go. What they don't know is that: we got soooooo completely drunk every day; I slept with a complete stranger (went back to his caravan alone on our site); one girl ended up in hospital one night due to an injury caused by her being so drunk and we generally just did whatever we wanted - with no real regard to safely.

If you let her go, be under no illusion - this holiday will be about drinking and pulling.

We had an amazing holiday and still talk about it with great fondness now. It was amazing - in a drunken 16/17 year old way!

GeekOfTheWeek · 12/03/2010 17:47

Not sure if you can stop her. Can't 16 year olds legally move out of the parental home? (I could be wrong!)

Would she be reasonable if you told her how much this is worrying you?

bibbitybobbityhat · 12/03/2010 17:48

Of course she can say "don't go". But the dd could just run away and do it. As I said, she can't physically keep her under lock and key.

PurpleHeffalump · 12/03/2010 17:48

Oh - and they will be able to find a campsite to take them if they look hard enough and maybe bend a few truths.

Batteryhuman · 12/03/2010 17:48

Its a very popular post GCSE trip around here. Have to say most come home disappointed by the experience. Cold, wet weather hasn't helped the last couple of years and the kids were intimidated by the amount of drunkeness and aggression. That said no one came to any harm.

My DS decided not to go last year and went to visit family abroad instead.

spudmasher · 12/03/2010 17:48

I used to work at the infamous Mariner's pub in Rock during my late teens...behind the bar, to fund my degree.
OMG...it was bad then! Shagging on the beach, vomit. We called the ambulance twice in one evening high season. Could not work out how they got so drunk as not much seemed to be sold from behind the bar!! They must have got it elsewhere.
Is it a rite of passage? When people die, like they did this summer in Newquay, I think not. How would she react if you said no FairPortal?

pointydog · 12/03/2010 17:48

13 16 yr olds in a tent? Doesn't sound good

GermanMum101 · 12/03/2010 17:49

Darrel, that is true. Maybe the group is too big? I am not sure. I just wanted to say that at that age I was old enough to go abroad.
I did not know however that it is such a party town during that time, thanks for pointing that out cory. That does change it a bit as I would expect that, if everyone is drinking, she will too. Or she won't. It all depends on her to be honest. I was always with a bunch of huge drinkers, camping at the seaside etc but didn't drink so my mum knew not to worry.
Does she know her limits? Could you suggest she goes somewhere else with her friends?
How far is that from your home?

PurpleHeffalump · 12/03/2010 17:50

What about booking a family holiday for the same time. Obviously if DD 'ran away' and went to Newquay anyway there isn't much that you can do. But to be honest, if this was the case, then I think you've got much more major issues than her just going to Newquay!

DarrellRivers · 12/03/2010 17:52

PH, I know I would end up doing something like that

Scorps · 12/03/2010 17:54

I am 25 and live near there. I avoid it like the plague. Everyone is very drunk, there's alot of violence around in the summer, I wouldn't recommend it and I don't go out there.

BecauseImWorthIt · 12/03/2010 17:57

No. I wouldn't let her go. I wouldn't let mine go if they asked (DS1 is 18 now, and didn't ask. DS2 will be doing his GCSEs next year, so we'll see if he asks!).

And I would totally expect that if I say 'no', that they do what they're told!

At this age they are too young (quite apart from the fact that most of what they will probably be wnating to do will be illegal!) and the potential for trouble is huge.

MillyR · 12/03/2010 17:57

I would be horrified if my DS was 16 and asking my permission as to where he went for the Summer. I left home at 17. There is no way I would have asked my parent's permission at 16.