I want to stop my daughter going to Newquay with her mates

[FairPortal]

My daughter wants to go to Newquay with a group of 13 of her friends post-GCSEs in July. They will be staying in a tent in a campsite for a week without adults. She will be 16 by then. She will be paying with her own money. I would rather she didn't go as I think it is somewhat unsafe. Is there anything I can legitimately do to stop her going?

it would be really difficult for her to call you if she was in trouble or worried if you had fallen out over this.
is there any chance you could have a weekend away in newquay (or nearby) at the same time??? failing that do you live near enough to be able to go and get her if she needs you too.
i think alot of 16 year olds have the maturity to deal with being away with friends, but they also need their safety net

At 16, you are still legally responsible for your children. If you're uncomfortable about it, say no. My parents did. I'm a fair bit older now but I've got over it now

At 18 years old, they are legally independant and can do what they like (and I did!)

op i feel for you

A 16 year old can leave home without parental consent. They can also take a full time job post GCSE and have sex without parental consent.

There are only a few things that you can legally stop them from doing - marrying and joining the army.

It is really about your relationship with your DD, and how you are negotiate that over the next few days. It has to be about cooperation rather than power, as essentially you no longer have any power. I think that is why we put so much effort into teaching our children how to make responsible decisions and how to have respect for us, themselves and others before they get to 16! Maybe you need to discuss it with her and find out what her feelings and expectations are, and then work it out between you.

What Darrell said. If she's set on going away, could you perhaps encourage her to go somewhere else - not sure if this would be any better but I would avoid Newquay like the plague.

I live in Cornwall and agree with Scorps.

I would be doing everything possible to persuade her this trip is not a good idea.

If she won't change her mind then I'd have to make sure contraception and emergency contact numbers etc were readily to hand for both herself and her friends.

I'd also be telling her how important it is that they watch out for each other as well as their selves. Way too much booze and hormones flying about in Newquay during the summer not to be cautious imo.

Tell her it's tacky and grim; maybe that would put her off?

I wouldn't let my under 18 go to Newquay. Bad things happen when massive groups of teenagers get together in that town - lots and lots of underage drinking, accidents and even a couple of poor kids drowned when drunk.

I'm not meaning to freak you out but I would suggest she and her mates go somewhere else. Nothing wrong with 16yos going away by themselves, but not to Newquay.

What kind of 16 year old would defy a clear 'no' from her parents and 'run off' on holiday? If she's likely to do that OP then there's more going on than a holiday! Honestly - at 16 I still asked my parents' permission on big stuff like that!

I think the trip itself sounds fabulous but the location would be the point of contention with me.

When I was 17 I went to Shell Island for the week with a huge group of mates. We had a brilliant time, ate too many pot noodles, got very drunk and had bonfires on the beach. Admittedly there's not much trouble you can get into in a very sleepy part of Wales.

Maybe try to encourage her to look at different places to go?

IMO you're already onto a winner as your daughter trusts you enough and has a good enough relationship with you to ask. Turn her down this time and maybe (probably) she'll obey you. But will she tell about the next trip/night out if she thinks you'll say no again? Or will she just make something up/lie so you haven't got a clue where she is, who she's with or what she's doing. She's trusting you, maybe you need to trust her back.

At least that's what I said to my mum at 16 when she didn't want me to go on an overnight trip to London to meet an older bloke. The compromise was that I'd ring when I'd safely got to London and again in the morning so she knew I was ok.

On top of that my mum was so judgemental and such a layer-down-of-the-rules that a few months later when I becamed pregnant I didnt feel I could tell her as she'd go balistic. As a result I dealt with it all on my own, not something I'd recomend. I'd feel incredibly sad if a child of mine felt like that.

I would let her go as she is 16. I moved out at 17 so in my mind she is old enough to go camping (unless you think she really is not responsible enough for some reason)

As a parent of teenagers I really don't understand why you can't just say no.

There is no way I would want my girls anywhere near Newquay.

I am worried that those of you who think all 16 year olds are biddable are going to be in for a nasty shock.

I fully agree with what others have said - try to persuade her that Newquay will be really vile (vomit everywhere, hostility from the locals, overcrowded with braying gangs of teenagers from all over the rest of the country) and see if you can't get her to go with a smaller group of trusted friends elsewhere.

Once again, I can imagine myself in your position in a few years time OP and I would be seriously worried and unhappy. All sympathy to you.

webwiz agree, mine still listen to the word no!

I would def not let her go. At the very least she's be blind drunk for the most of it and shag a stranger. A teenager died and one was paralysed falling over the cliff drunk last year.

Bribery can still work for 16 year olds. Do you plan to help her with driving lessons etc.? She defies you - you withdraw privelges - works for me!

Hi, around here ALOT of the 16 year olds go away to Newquay every summer after their GCSEs. Last year it was a "right of passage" (their words) for my (at the time) 16 yr old twins. Only one chose to go. I was under no illusion that by all accounts it could turn out pretty messy and I made my thoughts and feelings very much heard. However, I understood that it was important I put more money where my mouth was and showed how much trust and belief I had. It was, for me, a stomach churning and terrifying week. By all accounts all those (that I knew) who went had a mixed time - yes the weather was lousy - some were in tents, others in caravans spread over various sites - some came home early, some didn't want the holiday to end, some got to the end and just felt "well thats that then."

FWIW Newquay is well versed in how to manage this teenage influx and manage it they do.

If you give your permission to go, let her know that, no matter what, you are only at the at end of the phone, and you wont judge. My DC (who did call for advice) told me, (after getting back), because I (we) had been so supportive it had made them feel safe.

Another FWIW, none of the parents of those that went were "happy" with any of them going.

I said NO when asked the same question, and said it for both dd & ds at age 16. IMO neither were mature enough to cope with any number of situations that might have arisen, drugs/sex/alcohol amongst them.

Not surpringly, after the initial flood of excitement (and angst from my two) only 6 out of the orginal 18 strong horde went - most parents took the same stance as we did, and those who stayed behind had a non-newquay party instead.

Is this the UK version of the US "Spring Break" then? I'm amazed I've never heard of this influx on Newquay of post GCSE kids, considering I'm a secondary teacher just up the M5. TBH it sounds - from other poster's experience - foul, but I like Ande's advice but also others who have said to try and encourage her to do something different.

My bro walked the Penine Way with his mate with very little money at 16 and still talks about it (25 years on), my sis went inter-railing at 17 with a mate and had a very mixed time.

It might be worth asking your DD what she wants out of this experience and if she might get a more interesting time doing something very different.

Sod that, Newquay is a vile pit and I would not let dd go.

I think if she wanted to go somewhere else with 1 or 2 friends I would let her do that, but to permit her to go with a mob of 12 girls camping - no.

I would have no problem saying no and not permitting it. Fair enough 16 year olds are old enough to do certain things, but still. I was 16 when I left home, but that was me and my story 20 years ago. bears no relation on what I will allow or not allow a vulnerable teen to do now

I can bet this is where my 14 year old will want to be in two years time, and I know I will feel like the op too. I think I will a) offer something very tempting as an alternative, maybe for dd and a friend; b) go nearby at the same time so she can come to us for food/warmth and we know we are not far should she want us; b) pray for rain and tempests and an early return. it truly is a horrible place at that time of year and I hope actually they would also find it pretty dreary - the poster who said the local force keep it well policed is right. I guess we have to trust our children at some time.