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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I want to stop my daughter going to Newquay with her mates

73 replies

FairPortal · 12/03/2010 17:31

My daughter wants to go to Newquay with a group of 13 of her friends post-GCSEs in July. They will be staying in a tent in a campsite for a week without adults. She will be 16 by then. She will be paying with her own money. I would rather she didn't go as I think it is somewhat unsafe. Is there anything I can legitimately do to stop her going?

OP posts:

sungirltan · 12/03/2010 21:54

say no and see what happens.

i went to run to the sun in newquay a few years back. i was totally disgusted by the drunken yob culture there and i think i was 26 at the time. it was rank rank rank and i remember remarking often how many underage kids there were in the bars and clubs so be under no illusion that she will be doing age appropriate things

Hunibee · 12/03/2010 22:09

Been there and done it now.

My 18 year old went last year after A levels. Stayed in a camping site for three days, had a good time, got bored, got wet, ate too much, had some beers, discovered that some of his friends were a pain to live with, came home and now has it out of his system.

For me 16 would be too young. At 18, I just about coped, but the two years of sixth form is a huge leap in maturity and I felt he was in a better position to take care of himself.

He has no desire to go back!

ravenAK · 12/03/2010 22:18

Well, you can't actually physically prevent her.

I don't think I'd try - it just makes it more attractive-sounding. I might talk up the general rankness & naffness, the pressure to take crap drugs, the likelihood of pervy older blokes, the local cops jumping all over under age boozing, the likelihood of spending all week in a sweaty tent in the rain bickering with her mates...

Actually, I did Reading Festival in '86 & all of the above applied! We had a great time

Seriously, I'd sit her down, tell her that it's ultimately her decision but that whilst you trust her you'd be worried sick about her getting into dodgy situations through no real fault of her own, you think it'll be a bit rubbish anyway, & you will in no shape or form be funding it.

If you know her mates' parents, tell them all this too!

Then shamelessly bribe her, if it's affordable? Book a family holiday somewhere in hailing distance of halfway decent clubs, let her bring a mate, & agree that there will within reason be a relaxed vibe re: boozing & curfew...?

MorrisZapp · 12/03/2010 22:31

Tough one. Was never an issue in my day as nobody had the money to go anywhere beyond the local bus shelter never mind to Cornwall for a jolly.

Somebody mentioned that you can't stop her as legally she's 16, allowed to marry etc. This doesn't wash for me. If she's 16 then presumably you no longer have to legally feed, house and clothe her but I bet you do so, as well as providing all sorts of extras.

You pay the bills in your house, you're the boss.

Personally I don't think that stopping a 16 year old from going on what is essentially a booze and sex trip counts as the kind of draconian parenting that will bite you in the ass later. Surely it can't be standard for 16 year olds to be allowed to take these trips?

ravenAK · 12/03/2010 22:40

But would you want to go to the nuclear option of 'You can't go, & if you do, don't bother coming back?'

Otherwise, the feeding/housing/clothing argument doesn't work.

My parents categorically forbade me to go festivalling when I was 16. I paid for the tickets & spends from my Saturday job, borrowed a tent - there really wasn't much they could've done to stop me, beyond changing the locks on my return - same with OP's dd.

You can refuse to actually fund it, & IMO should if you disapprove.

noddyholder · 12/03/2010 22:41

I am dreading this talk/argument have heard whispers coming from ds and friends and really think they are too young

MorrisZapp · 12/03/2010 22:44

Have chatted to DP. We both think at 16 your mum can still say no stuff like this.

I have 16 year old nephews and I'm certain that while they'd sulk for days if denied a trip like this, they wouldn't defy it and just go.

You can't stop them at 18 but 16 is a different thing.

Megletwantsittobesummer · 12/03/2010 22:58

I wouldn't be happy about it. I've been to Newquay as a drinking adult and it's pretty full on. It will be carnage if a load of 16yo girls head off down there.

I'd rather pack them off to a festival TBH. 3 days in a field with yucky beer and some bands might be the lesser of two evils. As crazy as festivals are I think they might be better for teenagers.

brimfull · 12/03/2010 23:04

my dd's going this yr
she's 18 though
mind you she didn't ask my permission

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 12/03/2010 23:11

In my neck of the woods, all go to Newquay post GCSE's. As other poster said, local authority is very used to "looking after" the teenagers that flock there - that said, teenagers will want to go wild and can be hard to contain.

Personally, I would try to offer something more attractive, stop her if you think that you can do that successfully, else let her go and be supportive if you think that it will be hard to "make her" not go

spiderpig8 · 13/03/2010 09:27

No I wouldn't let mine do that at 16.can you speak to any of the other mums? I am sure they are all feeling the same way and it might be easier to make a concerted stand.

GetOrfMoiLand · 13/03/2010 12:48

MorrisZapp speaks a lot of sense - agree with her every word in this.

Think you have a problem if you can't say no to a 16 year old.

AnyFucker · 13/03/2010 12:51

I wouldn't allow it

And would take a very dim view of a child who defied me to do it anyway

Remotew · 13/03/2010 13:00

If you don't want her to go then tell her no. See what her reaction is. DD is going to a caravan site on the coast post GCSE's which coincides with a friends 16th. 4 girls and 2 boys but the lead name on the booking is an adult who will take them, maybe stay the first night but the plan is to leave them. It's a family site so they will need to behave. Have a feeling DD is invited because she is so mature and sensible. My only reservations about the trip is for the lead person and what would happen if it get wild but I think they will all realise this.

I am having a battle atm with DD over all this post GCSE, sweet 16 parties etc. Told her that the caravan holiday is a start but to forget going abroad with a group until she is 18. For one thing it's expensive and 18 is different to 16 and not to rush into anything. It's hard to book at 16, they cannot get served etc.

Also drawing the line at a big 16th party, she can have a nice small birthday do. Coming of age is 18 after all and then there is the leavers do with all the expense of the dress, hair, tickets etc.

ben5 · 13/03/2010 13:08

i would book a campsite to. that way you are there but not on her toes if she wants to chat with friends. you to can have a holiday. newquay is a lovely place to visit

AKMD · 13/03/2010 13:16

If you don't want her to go (and I think parents who let their children go to a known troublespot for a drink, drugs and sex holiday are patently irresponsible and I'm 22 so not ancient and old-fashioned either) then say no. So what if she does sulk? She is a child, you are her parent. If she defies you, I'm sure you can think of some suitable consequences. At her age, I would have wanted to go too and would have sulked and tantrumed for days if my mum had said no (which she would have done) but I wouldn't have dared go anyway. My parents would have been quite capable of driving down and dragging me off home again but quite apart from that, I had enough respect for them to abide by their decisions.

If you really want to offer a sweetener, how about discussing a suitable alternative with the other parents involved and get something you all agree on?

pippop1 · 13/03/2010 17:25

Whatever the alternative is offer to pay for it! She needs an excuse to tell her friends in order to pull out.

At 18 my son went to the Edinburgh festival (saw comedy) in August. Stayed in a Youth Hostel with friends and had a fab time. Lots of places won't let under 18s in though so maybe not a good idea for your DD. He wanted to go to some Greek island with mates and I wasn't keen.

lowenergylightbulb · 13/03/2010 17:44

Find out where they are booked and tell her that you think it's such a fab idea that you've booked a family holiday to the same site

TBH, I'd let her go. She's 16, not 6, and is offering to fund it herself.

I'd lay odds on her having a really grim time and being back after 2 or 3 days.

Sure, there's risk - but a 16 year old could drink themselves senseless, shag strangers and do silly/dangerous stuff without leaving their street.

MrsC2010 · 13/03/2010 17:49

Wow to people who didn't ask their parents permission at 16! I asked for permission (and had it denied on occassions) up until I left home...if I lived under their roof it was only fair I lived by their rules. But then I didn't move out until 18 odd.

YANBU OP, I would not have been allowed to at 16 and I don't think I would let ours go as I know what it would be like. It's be like letting 13 16 yr olds go to Cowes Week alone...a recipe for disaster!

Newquay is known for certain activities sadly, if it was a week camping elsewhere that isn't known as a party capital then maybe it would be different.

compo · 13/03/2010 17:51

I would offer an even better alternative

like you paying for her and her best mate to do something fab, not sure what though

calamari · 13/03/2010 18:00

No. Dn't let her go. I've seen what it's like in newquay. Binge-drinking isn't the word to describe it...neither is power-sh*gging.
No place for an unaccompanied 16-year-old, unless you want her to bring back souvenirs such as STD, pregnancy, drug overdose or liver damage.
Of course, she might be a perfectly sensible girl...do you know any of the group she is going with? Are they trustworthy?
But on the whole, I'd say: no way. Not to Newquay of all plaes.

hazlac · 13/03/2010 18:07

my 3 16 year olds went last year with about 60 others from their year, in seperate accomodation with their own group of friends, yes there was alcohol but there is alcohol easily available in our town. We insisted they pay for it all themselves including the deposits which were horrendous, it did make them very aware of how much they all stood to loose if anything got out of hand. I was so worried before they went but realised that they were capable of getting in as much trouble here if they chose to, as in any other town.As far as I know it all went brilliantly, but I know everyone agreed that what went on in Newquay stayed in Newquay.I think I actually needed them to do this in order for me see them as young adults rather than my children still, they all came back safe and sound and have made some wonderful new friends.

alibubbles · 14/03/2010 15:09

I didn't let my daughter go, I don't regret it, nor did she when she found out what had happened to some of the girls. ( Public/private school kids are the worst - mine were both, so not tarring the brush!)

There used to be a campsite that caters specifically for under 18's, no alcohol allowed, not sure if it is still open.

Last year two 16 year olds died in Newquay

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