To wish my colleague wouldn't do this.

[swanandduck]

I work part time for a publishing company and there are six of us on my team. Two of us have young children and the other Mum is constantly saying she can't do this and she can't do that because she has kids. I remember, before I had dc, how annoyed I used to get when working mums assumed I had no life outside work and should always be available to provide early morning or late evening cover, travel miles to a meeting or cover the Christmas/New Year holiday. I therefore am paranoid about not doing this to my colleagues now and making sure I pull my weight as much as possible and remember to thank people if they do oblige in some way. This colleague really treats people without children as people without lives and just assumes they will fit in with her circumstances all the time. I'm starting to feel a growing resentment in the team and once or twice pointed remarks have been made about 'working mothers'. I feel I'm being tarred with the same brush as her. AIBU to wish she'd stop doing this and be a bit more considerate and professional?

The flexi is 'contingent on the needs of the work'. In other words, the office can't be deserted at 4 every evening.

I can see why that would piss you off. Every one should be expected to pull their weight and everyones time away from work should be equally valued. Why would a childless person be expected to prioritise her wanting to be home at a certain time over him wanting to catch a certain train? She should be doing the same give and take as everyone else.

But she is part time - what are her contracted hours? Bring it up with her if she is taking the piss, or talk to her superiors. They may not see the problem.

I can certainly see why that would annoy you

I do woinder though if anyine has asked why she won;t do christmas etc- if she just wanted to be with them, that would be very different from say she's a single mum and the nursery closes down with no family near and although she ahs tried she cannot locate childcare.

It still may not be quite POK but I know if it were me I would feel less resentful.

So that's what I would do: sit her down, say look I am trying to fir this around the kids, I know you are too, can we come to soema arrnagement?

You may even get to know some things about her you didnt before- for example it was only when DH's team leader threatened everyone with random shifts that Dh finally agve in and explained the boy's SN to him.

And even if it doesn't work and you need to go higher it will look a lot better if you ahve tried to resolve it.

Although absolutely every time a colleague saiud 'WOHM's in a certain way i;d be saying 'what, all of us?'

(Not that I am atm but have been IYKWIM)

I never said she was part time. She is employed on a full time basis. I am part time but still do my share of staying late. I also came in one Saturday when we were under severe pressure and it was 'all hands on deck'.

Sorry, that was to lipstick.

I know what you mean Clarrissimo, but this mum is married (to a teacher so he is around late afternoons and during hols) and her children are fine (she's alway telling us about their achievements, but that's another story).

If I were her (or in this situation) I would attempt a compromise. I would talk to my co-workers and agree on a day of the week (or a day every two weeks? not sure how often people are expected to stay late) when I would be available to stay late, then do that.

I say this because my main issue (were I working, which I'm not atm!) would be that I would need to know in advance when I am able to leave early and when I can't. I think discussing it on the day isn't the easiest for someone who is trying to get to the nursery to pick up the children, or whatever.

Regardless, YANBU.

MollieO So you think you work harder than the others because you are the only one in the office at the moment , but you are on Mumsnet and not actually working

As far as OP is concerned I think you have a fair point but perhaps your collegaue is suffering maternal guilt for working and not being a SAHM, so maybe a quiet word with her might help...the best advice I ever got when I was complaining about someone I worked with was the comment" and what did they say when you discussed it with them" and i realised I never hsd

Although the Christmas and new year thing does sound a bit off, it still doesn't sound like she's actually doing anything wrong, unless she's breaking her contract and not doing her hours.

If you could be a fly following her after 4pm, maybe you'd see her having a rather hectic evening most nights picking up kids etc, you may even after watching her find it harder to suggest she should be sat at her desk for an extra hour.

Of course I can understand it is bloody irritating, I know as for all but the last 2 months of my life I've been the one without children as an 'excuse', but lets face it, most right minded people will care more about their own family's needs than their workplace's needs..

"never had"!

Cakewench - that is what I would do too, in that situation.

I know what you mean Cea, but no one had to point out to me - or the majority of wohms - that we had to be fair and realise other people have lives and responsibilities outside of work. Other people take the attitude that 5.30 is a normal leaving time and if they get to leave at 4 or 4.30 then that's brilliant. I think taking the attitude that 4 is your 'entitled' time to go and you are doing everyone a favour if you stay later and need lots of advance notice is unfair on the team. Also, flexi time is not supposed to mean that you refuse to attend meetings that go on after 4 and make someone else go instead.

I think the OP is getting a hard time here. Most jobs require give and take, and respect for an accomodation of your colleagues, and it sounds as though this person is not engaging in any of this, constantly citing "I have children you know" as if she is the only person in the workplace who has them. Unless she has some special contract which stipulates that she can leave at the same time every day, she should be mucking in with everyone else within reason.

You know teachersarely do leave ewarly, mamy work until 7 or take their workload home there.

I wouldn't take that as a given that he's helpful either: available does not agreeable make! aND IF SHE IS EULOGISING ABOUT SOME PERFECT LIFE- i'D GUES SOMETHING IS UP TBH.

seRIOUSLY THOUGH LAY IT OUT- SATTE THAT YOU UNDERSTAND SHE HAS KIDS, SO DO YOU AND YOU ARE MISISNG PUT SO YOU NEED TO GET TOGETHER AND ARRANGE A COMPROMISE.

bUT SOME PEOPLE DO FEEL THAT TAKING THE SLOW DOWN IN PROMOTION, BENEFITS ETC THAT ACCOMPANIES PART TIME IS ALLEVIATED BY A SORT OF UNOFFICIAL WORK TO RULE. nOW, WHEN i WORKED pt i LIKED BEING ABLE TO ACCEPT OR DECLINE OVERTIME AS WISHED ON THE BASIS OF WHAT ELSE WAS GOING ON- BUT DID DO WHAT i COULD.

Oh sorry just noticed caps- ds4 fell asleep on keyboard!

(And I just npoticed part time- I meant flexitime bugger)

Hey just oignore me, I need sleeep lol

Clarissimo

She doesn't work part time. She is full time and gets the same pay as other full time staff. I work part time.

Sorry Clarissimo our posts crossed.
All admin staff are on flexi time so it doesn't affect promotion.

Maybe she should request her own flexible working pattern if she particularly needs to get in at a certain time and leave at a certain time and then management can consider it.

Just read my post - so that actually wouldn't be flexi-time then if she needed particular times to accommodate nursery, etc.

I meant apply for flexible working, as in when I applied to work for 3 days rather than 5, you know what I mean!

Maybe she thinks she is doing everyone a favour by always being the one who is in early and having shorter lunch. I do think the smartest move would be to actually talk to her about it. If you have already discussed it with her and she is still refusing to be more flexible, then yanbu to be annoyed.

And just because her dh is a teacher it does not mean he is available from end of school hours! I used to be a ps teacher and was usually at school til 5.30/6pm!

CEA - I'm with you all the way. There are so many people that give it 'I was here till 7pm last night' and you just want to scream -'THAT'S BECAUSE YOU SPENT THE 'WORKING' DAY ON THE BLIMMIN INTERNET'. IMO, people are too quick these days to scream that they 'do all the work' when, in most cases they have no idea what everyone else actually does.

Yes, yanbu. The childless women in my office (looong time ago) felt the same way, a lot of nights and weekends for them to make up for us not being able too.

I could understand it, but couldn't see a way round it tbh. I always tried not to take the piss though. Lets the side down a bit.

Difficult one.

Regarding Christmas I don't think that having kids excuses you from working Christmas/new year, everyone would like the time off so it should be split. If it was me I would suggest a rota system ie eveyone has to work either Christmas Eve/Boxing day/New Years day or whtaever and try and sort it out fairly, whilst maintaining that you ALL work at least one of those days.
You cannot accept a job where the hours do not fit!
On the other hand I don't like people who stay after work time trying to earn brownie points from the boss.I need to get home but I don't work flexitime.

I think she should take her turn working between xmas

Maybe she dosn't have flexible childcare. I don't and have been told that if xxx in my office can do all hours with kids I shouild be able to do that too - now xxx has a fab mother, she drops her childeen there every morning and mother does the school run, collects from school, feed and homeworks and XXx picks them up when she has finished. Sge also has them all school hols BUT I don't have that luxury.