To wish my colleague wouldn't do this.

[swanandduck]

I work part time for a publishing company and there are six of us on my team. Two of us have young children and the other Mum is constantly saying she can't do this and she can't do that because she has kids. I remember, before I had dc, how annoyed I used to get when working mums assumed I had no life outside work and should always be available to provide early morning or late evening cover, travel miles to a meeting or cover the Christmas/New Year holiday. I therefore am paranoid about not doing this to my colleagues now and making sure I pull my weight as much as possible and remember to thank people if they do oblige in some way. This colleague really treats people without children as people without lives and just assumes they will fit in with her circumstances all the time. I'm starting to feel a growing resentment in the team and once or twice pointed remarks have been made about 'working mothers'. I feel I'm being tarred with the same brush as her. AIBU to wish she'd stop doing this and be a bit more considerate and professional?

it sounds like your colleague has got her work/life balance just right. She has children and is working - good for her. Why should she work early or late shifts at the expense of spedning time with her child(ren)? Finding irregular childcare facilities is very difficult in my experience, unless you have a willing and helpful family network close by.

Don't worry about being tarred with the same brush, maybe you should show her some support?

spending

Does your workplace have a rota for taking leave etc? She needs to know she does not have a monopoloy on the hours she wants to do. If there is no official 'application for time away from work' system, your team needs to sit down and negotiate something so nobody feels put out. In emergencies and illness, it would be churlish to deny her time off but in general everyone should be entitled to have an early evening to go see a movie premiere or to attend the Oscars, for example.

andlipstick
The problem is that other people want a life/balance too and, because of her attitude, they end up spending more time at work so that she can spend less. Hardly fair.

work/life balance.

andlipsticktoo - but if this is at the expense of colleagues work/life balance then that might be perceived as a bit , y'know, selfish.

Does this woman have set hours/job description? It is reasonable to expect her to do the job she was employed to do, but not reasonable to expect her to do extra things if she doesn't want to. I would be more concerned about the working mother comments - the time may come when these people want some consideration regarding something going on in their own lives. Besides, it is rude and not all people have the luxury of choice.

YANBU- I know someone who does this too. She constantly says- ah, but I have children!

It's on the tip of my tongue sometimes to say, "What do you think those 3 little beings are that belong to me- guinea pigs?"

Well, for instance Saslou, the office opens for the days between Christmas and New Year and a skeleton staff is meant to be around. For the four years I have worked there she has never taken a turn and other people have had to sometimes do it two years in a row ( I did it two years ago and will offer again this year).

In a team of six you should be able to negotiate this between yourselves - in a team that size I'd expect give and take to be the way to go - if she is consistently taking advantage then you as a team need to call her on it. If you don't feel able too then you need to talk to your line manager.

Essentially, the rest of you need to start saying 'no' too.

What was she like before dc? Did she work for the same company? What were the expectations of her when she returned?
She is expressing what she needs, surely it is up to her boss(es) to decide whether it is reasonable. Maybe the office is understaffed?

swanandduck - what happens if no one volunteers? I suspect that either a reward of some kind will be offered, which will reduce resentment, or someone will decide that a skeleton staff isn't actually that important after all.

My colleagues probably say the same about me. I do my hours in the office, no more and no less. I am always available (24/7) on my crackberry if people need me but I will not do more than my contracted hours physically in the office. If I do then I have to arrange additional childcare, for which I pay. Holidays are divided up so no one has all Christmas etc off every year.

Most days I work through my lunch. I don't do what many of my (married with sahws) colleagues do and go out for two or three hour lunches. I also do more work than them.

I think it is reasonable that she takes her turn at working between Christmas and New Year.

She is expected to work a set number of hours, attend her share of meetings and basically do her share of coming in early or staying until 5.30 (we are on flexi time). I honestly don't think you can just 'express what you need' like that.

It is the colleague's attitude that she has first refusal EVERY time something needs doing. Perhaps, if she was genuinely appreciative of the team's efforts and they are aware of her gratefulness, such a situation will not arise.

Motherhood and work is a hard balance to achieve but think of all the understanding bosses and workmates all over the country. Surely, it is a mismatch of what is expected of each other from both sides of the fence.

Does your line manager think it's fine as it is? I'm surprised he/she isn't enforcing some kind of rota/taking turns system if late/early morning cover is required and particularly for between Christmas and New Year.

So if it is flexi time and she is working her set number of hours..... what's the problem?

I see your point about the Christmas holiday thing, but really that's it!

I suppose if people really put their foot down and complained to our Director he'd do something about it. What annoys me though is the negative impression she's giving of working mothers. There's a couple of other people like her in the company as well and I think their behaviour sticks in people's minds and they just think 'bloody working mums'. I know I did sometimes before I had my dd and ds.

EVERYONE should pull their weight, and take their turn, regardless of circumstances. At the end of the day, you are there to do a job for which you get paid. A person has every right to request flexibility, but sometimes it's just not feasible nor fair on others. It is not a god given right.

One thing intriuiging me MollieO - how do you know you do more work than them?

Honestly, sometimes I just think it's a part-time v. full-time workers thing. Part timers just don't get the respect they deserve - like they're not pulling their weight or something!
It's ridiculous!

lipstick

Even on flexi, someone has to be there from nine and someone has to be there until 5.30. Most people prefer to come in early, take a short lunch and leave at 4. But the rest of us accept we can't do this every day and there's an informal 'what time are you leaving?' 'I'll stay late. You did it last Friday' kind of thing. But she grabs her stuff at 4 and runs, won't go to meetings that might run until 5 and so on and so on. She also refused to go to a weekend conference and the only other person on the team au fait with the subject matter had to go even though they were just back from sick leave after major surgery and were still taking medication that was making them very tired. It's all that kind of stuff. She knows the job requires give and take and isn't just a 'clock in at nine, clock out at four' type post.

lorelilee we all have access to each others emails, the office is open plan so we all hear each other's phone calls. Very easy to identify volume of work actually done. Also physically I am in the office more (eg today I'm the only one here at the moment even though they are only supposed to take one hour for lunch and went out at 12.15pm).

So presumably she is always in early and has a short lunch?