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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make the kids pay towards stuff they want?

81 replies

Enchilada81 · 09/03/2010 11:44

Last weekend I told the kids I'd take them to McDonalds as a treat. They didn't show much enthusiasm which was unusual and DD and DS (13 and 11) told me "Happy Meals" are babyish and they're sick of having to have them. Apparantly "all their mates" get proper meals. I thought it over and came up with the idea that if they want anything else, they have to put something towards it themselves. So for instance I'll give them the £2 which a happy meal would have cost and if they want a Big Mac meal they can put the rest towards it themselves. Is this mean?

Another thing is the trampoline cover is knackered and its too dangerous for them to play on. Therefore, before the weather gets much nicer, we're planning on getting them a new one.

The prices we've seen are around £25.

Is it unreasonable to ask the kids to put £5 each of their pocket money towards getting a new one?

OP posts:
JaneS · 09/03/2010 11:46

Only unreasonable if they don't want a new trampoline. They might have decided that's babyish too and they want something else. It's a bit unreasonable to decide what their money should go towards isn't it?

RealityKindaLingers · 09/03/2010 11:46

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snice · 09/03/2010 11:49

Totally unreasonable - my DD is 8 and a Happy Meal isn't enough to eat.

coldtits · 09/03/2010 11:50

Yes it's mean. If you are offering to take them out for a meal, they need an age appropriate meal, not a snack aimed at children aged 3 - 9.

They have the same calorific requirements as adult men at this age. Either feed them properly and don't be so tight, or take them home and feed them there, and don't offer them inappropriate 'meals' as a replacement for dinner.

No, you cannot make them pay towards the trampoline cover, they do not have an adult earning capacity, and should not be expected to fund household items. Either replace it or don't. Don't make them pay for it if they didn't break it.

lornski · 09/03/2010 11:50

i have always made my kids chip in if they wanted something out of the ordinary - for example their trampoline...
happy meals aside (i do think yabu there) if it is an item which is outwith christmas birthdays or outwith your budget then making them chip in means they have a vested interest in keeping it good.
trampoline was £170 - as a single parent i said i couldnt afford it but would match whatever they could save - they did chores and saved pocket money and eventually trampoline was purchased and they BOTH took good care of it and it last for ages.
it does them good to have a sense of how much things cost...... but not happy meals.....

GypsyMoth · 09/03/2010 11:51

4 nuggets isnt it reality??

yes,i think a bit mean too....my lot have bigger meals now,the 7 year old included.

however,I am happy with a happy meal myself!

MissAnneElk · 09/03/2010 11:53

A happy meal is too small. If money is tight then go less frequently. If they have deliberately damaged the trampoline cover I could understand you asking them for a contribution, but if it's just worn out YABU.

Children do need to learn the value of money but it's not essential to make them miserable in the process.

gorionine · 09/03/2010 11:55

A bit U

I agree that it is sometimes good to encourage children to save money for overly expensive things they really want but do not necessarely need IYSWIM.

I think expecting them to pay for something that has been used a lot rather than just brocken out of spite is a bit too much.

I have no idea if a Happy meal is enough or not for a 11yo and a 13yo but if they are still hungry after it it is your job to provide more food for them and no, they should not pay for it with their own money.

tatt · 09/03/2010 11:56

my teenage daughter chooses to have a happy meal if we go to McDonalds, my son doesn't. Wouldn't take them to McDonalds as a treat at that age age, though, would be looking at different sorts of treat.

As a general principle I agree with asking children to contribute as it tests how much they really want something. But a new cover for the trampoline isn't the sort of thing I'd ask for contributions on. I tell them I'll give them x pounds towards a new laptop/phone/mp3/trainers if they pay the rest because I don't see why I should pay for the latest fashionable model but I do fund the cost of the basic item.

ChippingIn · 09/03/2010 11:57

YABU - Happy Meals are for small children -not 11 & 13 year olds!! It's your job to feed them - so if you don't want to pay for them to eat a reasonable sized meal for their age when you go out, don't take them out!

YABU to expect them to contribute to replacing parts on the trampoline. If you genuinely can't afford to do it and they really want it sooner than you can save up to do it, then give them the option, but you are BU to insist and if you have sufficient money to do it without causing you any hardship then you are being VU.

Shodan · 09/03/2010 11:57

YABU to expect them to chip in (oh, arf at unintentional food-related pun) for reasonable size meals for their age and also for trampoline cover if it's worn due to reasonable wear and tear.

But if they broke the cover because of being rough or something then no, YANBU.

Also if it's something as lornski details.

Buda · 09/03/2010 12:08

Agree with everyone else about the Happy Meal thing. Esp as you said YOU decided to take them there as a treat! My DS is 8 and has outgrown Happy Meals.

And I think you are being a bit mean about the trampoline to tbh. If they damaged it then that is different obv but if it is just wear and tear than it is unfair to expect them to pay for it.

TrillianAstra · 09/03/2010 12:08

All of you saying a happy meal is too small - I think it depends on if this is your main meal of the day or lunch/smaller meal.

A cheeseburger/chips/coke happy meal is 630 calories. A Big Mac (which is by no means the biggest burger), medium chips, medium coke meal is 990 cals, which is probably more than you would want to eat for lunch.

Have fun.

frogetyfrog · 09/03/2010 12:10

I think yabu and I am normally all for children chipping in. But not for food (albeit out) or maintenance of anything (including their toys). I would make them contribute towards designer clothes (I would offer what I think they need e.g basic pair of decent trainers) and they chip in to upgrade if they so wish. Or they save up for own laptop as its extra when we already have family computer in house. But not to fix the broken laptop or get their own meal out. Sorry that is imo bu.

TrillianAstra · 09/03/2010 12:10

Although if you have one of those bottomless pit teenage boys you might like to try a 'big tasty with bacon', large chips, and large chocolate milkshake for 1875 calories.

RealityKindaLingers · 09/03/2010 12:10

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ChippingIn · 09/03/2010 12:12

Trillian - regardless of the amount of calories in it, I would not subject children of that age to a Happy Meal!!

If they just need a lighter snack there are other ways to order something smaller than your other option - also, lots of kids this age are burning loads of calories off, so it might not even be an issue.

AuntieMaggie · 09/03/2010 12:14

I have memories of having to eat happy meals til I was 16 when we were out with my father and stepmother and no it's not enough!

Agree that YABU in regards to food but not for material things.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 09/03/2010 12:15

I think if you are talking about food then YABU - if you are talking about recreational things that they want to play with / music that they want to listen to then YANBU

NOT telling you how to parent teenagers but can you agree a revised more grown up treat list for when they have been great kids - then they can pick a treat from the agreed list?

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/03/2010 12:16

Mean.

Kids that age are always hungry imo. My dd would still be hungry after a happy meal.

I think it would be unreasonable ands very mean to make your children of this age to pay for food fgs. I assume that you don;t have a happy meal yourself. And in what world is MDs a treat? It is something I buy when I can't be arsed to cook.

Also it is unreasonable to expect your children to pay for maintenance for sometyhing which they already have. If my dd broke something from being careless, or lost it, then I would ask her to contribute a token amount in order for her to learn a lesson. However if something broke in the normal wear and tear of life, I would pay for it myself.

Buda · 09/03/2010 12:16

DS has grown out of the Happy Meal because he is not into the toy anymore so it is a waste and I object to the waste of extra packaging. He will usually still have a cheeseburger, small fries and a small drink. If very hungry he will eat another cheeseburger. Not often though.

seeker · 09/03/2010 12:18

It's not the number of calories - you can't even think of calories in any food at McDonalds or you would never go there again!

My 9 year old would still be starving after a happy meal but is still young enough for the toy! So on the odd occasions we go there we get a happy meal and I eat it - enough for a junk food fix for me - and he has something else.

If I offered my teen a Happy meal she would think I had gone bonkers.

Ingles2 · 09/03/2010 12:22

this has got to be a wind up.....
Can't believe that anyone would think that kids should pay for own food on a "treat"

goldenticket · 09/03/2010 12:24

Ooh this is what I hate about MN. OP asks a question - cue lots of snippy "MD isn't a treat " type posts. That wasn't the question the OP asked.

OP, YABU about the Happy Meal, it's not enough for that age of child IMO. Trampoline cover should be bought by you if it's been looked after but has just worn out, as others have said.

GOML, surely a MD's is therefore a treat for you, isn't it?

StrictlyKatty · 09/03/2010 12:25

OMG OP thinks a Happy Meal is enough for a teenager

You ask to take them then ask them to pay WTF?!