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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make the kids pay towards stuff they want?

81 replies

Enchilada81 · 09/03/2010 11:44

Last weekend I told the kids I'd take them to McDonalds as a treat. They didn't show much enthusiasm which was unusual and DD and DS (13 and 11) told me "Happy Meals" are babyish and they're sick of having to have them. Apparantly "all their mates" get proper meals. I thought it over and came up with the idea that if they want anything else, they have to put something towards it themselves. So for instance I'll give them the £2 which a happy meal would have cost and if they want a Big Mac meal they can put the rest towards it themselves. Is this mean?

Another thing is the trampoline cover is knackered and its too dangerous for them to play on. Therefore, before the weather gets much nicer, we're planning on getting them a new one.

The prices we've seen are around £25.

Is it unreasonable to ask the kids to put £5 each of their pocket money towards getting a new one?

OP posts:
ScreaminEagle · 09/03/2010 12:28

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StrictlyKatty · 09/03/2010 12:30

Oh and seriously, the Happy Meal is party about the toy. They are designed for small children, aged 8 max I think. I don't really imagine a 13 year old wants the plastic toy so clearly making them have Happy Meals is odd

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/03/2010 12:31

I still think of MacDs as a treat tbh. I never ate a Macdonalds until I was 16. Deprived childhood!

I really really want a quarterpounder and fries now.

alicet · 09/03/2010 12:31

I agree with goldenticket. Both that YABU (although in principle I agree with this to teach children the value of money but not for basic upgrading for wear and tear or food) and that there are a lot of unneccessary posts about MD

When I was this age MD was a treat because it was going out for the sort of food I really liked but didn't often get!

RealityKindaLingers · 09/03/2010 12:32

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RealityKindaLingers · 09/03/2010 12:33

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seeker · 09/03/2010 12:34

We have a system where we pay for basic kit - the "tools of the trade" of being a child, if you see what I mean. The if they want extras they save up for them.

For example, we pay for ds's guitar strings and his lessons and offered to pay for a basic strap when he neede one. He chose an expensive strap and paid the difference with his own money. We pay for the basic things he needs for his guinea pigs, but when he decided they needed a "carrot holder"(!) he bought that himself.

We buy basic dance shoes for dd, but she saves up to buy the flash one she likes and pays the difference.

I would never expect them to pay for a treat, or a meal out or something like that. Or for something that was broken through fair wear and tear.

Original poster
Enchilada81 · 09/03/2010 12:35

I wish I'd never asked!

Ok, the kids go to Mcdonalds around once a month if that and its only as a snack, not as a main meal.

The only time we go there is on the way back from the city centre (drive thru) and on Sunday I asked them if they wanted a Mcdonalds or something when we got home. They all said Mcdonalds. Even though they knew it would only be a happy meal, they still wanted it. They did have the choice to wait and having something when they got home! I didn't force them to have it.

And considering they'd all had a cooked sunday breakfast a couple of hours before, I wasn't really that concerned about them starving to death

And for whoever asked ... IF I ever eat at Mcdonalds, I DO get a happy meal because I find anything else too filling and sickly!

Ok so I admit I am in the wrong but why do people have to get nasty and bitchy? a simple "YABU because of x, y and z" would have done!

OP posts:
Ingles2 · 09/03/2010 12:40

Maybe, if you had explained all that in your OP you would have got a different response!

Original poster
Enchilada81 · 09/03/2010 12:41

I didn't expect people to jump to stupid conclusions though! I'll know better next time.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 09/03/2010 12:42

op....i eat happy meals too,but thanks for starting this thread because for over 600 calories i wont be eating them again!!!!!!!

how much pocket money do they get in order to subsidise??

f we're out and plan to be home for tea...if they want a mcdonalds then yes,they CAN get their own....my dc have more money than i do!!

chandellina · 09/03/2010 12:43

YANBU. why shouldn't kids learn that they can contribute to family expenses, that it's not just a one-way street?

bonkerz · 09/03/2010 12:45

YABU about the macdonalds thing. My 9 year old eats a medium meal and sometimes munches on his sisters nuggets too!

That issue aside i think it is fair to ask the children to help towrds the cost of the trampoline IF THEY WANT TO. They should be asked if they still want it.......if you said they could contribute to new cover and keep trampoline or sell trampoline then they can decide.
We currently have a HOLIDAY tin set up and the kids can choose what they put into it, they have been told this will be our spending money for holiday so the more the contribute the nicer time they will have. I think this is a good experience for them and they have been putting half and sometimes all of their money in the tin!

My children also have a moneybox each and do understand they have to save if they want anything out of the ordinary.

RealityKindaLingers · 09/03/2010 12:46

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5Foot5 · 09/03/2010 12:46

Maybe it is not just Happy Meals they are fed up with but MacDs generally.

Is there anywhere different you could go to as a change? If it was something different they might see it as more of a treat.

Original poster
Enchilada81 · 09/03/2010 12:46

The kids get £5 a week pocket money but they're not expected to pay for much out of that. At the moment we're paying off 2 school trips for the eldest ones (both over £100 each), they get new clothes more or less every week ... DS1 has bought that little out of his pocket money that he has almost £70 stored up in his bank account. DD had over £120 last week before she went a bit nuts in gamestation.

OP posts:
ShadeofViolet · 09/03/2010 12:48

YABU - You cant expect children to contribute to thier mealss because you want to buy them a childs meal!

And at 13 a Happy Meal is babyish!

With regards to other things, if they are worn out because they have been mistreated then YANBU, if its just general wear and tear then YABU.

thumbwitch · 09/03/2010 12:48

I thought I was going to say YANBU before I read the detail of the OP - but I'm not. OP, I think YABU in both instances.

IF it were an expensive toy/item of clothing that they had no need of but really wanted, I would make them save up towards it and then probably pay for some of it myself.

But to take them somewhere they don't particularly want to go to have a meal they don't particularly want to have and then tell them to pay the extra for an adequate amount of food is beyond mean, IMO.

And the trampoline cover is something you should pay for - it's pretty much a household item now - unless they have wantonly destroyed it, in which case they should pay for it.

PotPourri · 09/03/2010 12:50

I think it's ok to ask kids to pay for things - they need to learn the value of money. Problem comes when the treat is not something they want... thst's not really teaching them much is it?

thumbwitch · 09/03/2010 12:51

Sorry, should have read more of it. Still think it's mean to ask them to pay for a bigger meal than a Happy Meal but can see that they did actually want to go there.

Morloth · 09/03/2010 12:53

It isn't actually you treating them though if they have to pay for it is it? It is more them buying their own lunch/snack, which is fine, but not actually a treat. Dammit now I want a cheeseburger.

With the trampoline, is it broken because of wear and tear or did they break it? Do they want it replaced?

Wear and tear I think it is up to you, if they broke it and want it replaced then they should contribute towards it if they can.

DS gets 2 pounds per week pocket money, but that is for him to treat himself with, or to put away for something bigger. I don't expect him to feed himself or pay for normal wear and tear on household items out of it.

MathsMadMummy · 09/03/2010 12:54

I really shouldn't have read this thread. I want a quarter pounder and fries!!!

Morloth · 09/03/2010 12:55

Fortunately for me MMM I am just far too lazy and Maccas don't deliver!

Vivia · 09/03/2010 12:56

Do your kids pay your mortgage too?

weegiemum · 09/03/2010 12:57

My kids save for special things they want, we buy the basics. Ds is 8 and wanted a new Wii game - he had £15 birthday money and he saved pocket money/earned the rest doing jobs in the house and garden ("Can I do a pound job for you, Mum?"). He washed dishes, hung out washing, did hoovering - every night after school until he has saved the £27.99 he needed for Sega Racing or whatever it was. I thought it was a good way to teach him the value of money! He appreciates the game all the more cos he earned it!!

So kids should pay towards what they want when it is something like that.

But not towards food (though ours are saving 5ps in a bank for our summer holidays as an "ice-cream fund" - they came up with that idea themselves!) or things that need replacing. Dd1 recently found her nintendo DS wasn't working after Grannie wiped it with a dripping wet cloth - we tried to get it fixed but no joy. As we were going on a long car journey we chose to replace it for her - cos it wasn't her fault. If, however, she had deliberately broken it she would have had to pay herself.

As for happy meals for teenagers . My 6 yo dd2 can eat a medium meal and has outgrown most of the toys!