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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ridiculous argument over dinner

107 replies

thehillsarealive · 08/03/2010 19:23

ok, DH just came in from work asked what was for dinner, I said that there was soup (root vegetable & thyme) with wholegrain bread or if he didnt fancy that there was yesterdays roast left over in the fridge which i would do him with veg, fresh mash and fresh yorkie puds. He just had a big strop - and has actually fucked off to the supermarket to get himself something else.

I didnt think he would want the soup - as "it isnt enough for him after work" - he doesnt do manual labour btw, he works in the city,probably hasnt had lunch but that isnt my problem... Anyway, he doesnt want the same food as yesterday...

so AIBU not to run a fucking hotel with full A la Carte menu of an evening or should i have transformed yesterdays pork into stroganoff like i was going to (he didnt know this) but i ran out of time, had to take DD to doctors, both DC to after school activities, dog to vets and home to make dinner.

sorry for mega long post, i am totally peed off.

OP posts:
barefootinthepark · 09/03/2010 02:03

oh my gosh

i don't think it's nice to be rude but i do kind of think that if sahm of school children it's not the worst thing in the world to have a dinner ready

erk

i just do

i don't think he should be rude but if i was working and my husband was at home i'd appreciate a dinner

i hardly ever cook for the evenings myself because we had a conversation about it.. i'm just a bit surprised it's not something that's been "sorted out" between you before

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/03/2010 06:23

Who's saying otherwise, barefoot? The OP did have a dinner ready. And offered to make a second option. Neither were deemed good enough.

shockers · 09/03/2010 06:42

There are days when I'm working and DH is off. If he presented me with a choice of homemade soup or leftover roast with veg and fresh mash I'd be ecstatic (and he'd be on a promise).

barefootinthepark · 09/03/2010 07:01

well ok sure

i just think it's a bit odd bringing it here, i really do

unless he does this all the time he's just in a bad mood

it happens

compo · 09/03/2010 07:18

Rofl at 'gave him the stink eye'

kreecherlivesupstairs · 09/03/2010 07:59

YANBU. My dh takes the leftovers to work the following day for lunch so we don't have them. OTOH, if I made soup for his dinner he wouldn't be happy. For many years (20+) I was vegetarian, he did eat what I cooked, but always had a slice of ham/chicken/corned beef etc. because veg isn't dinner. He does agree he's a northern bastard though.

echt · 09/03/2010 08:00

YANBU. My DH does all the cooking and I wouldn't dream of pissing and moaning about it as I find it so boring, and am thrilled he enjoys it. I don't like doing my side of the bargain, e.g. washing, ironing and hoovering, but I'm working on offloading the last two.

Oh, and he makes great soup.

Original poster
thehillsarealive · 09/03/2010 08:09

barefoot - i have already said in PP that my husband is not a twunt on a regular basis. I have also said that we HAVE had a conversation re soup and leftovers - soup ok for lunch, but not as his main meal of the day. Leftovers fine but a day in between unless it is transformed into something 'different' generally this is what i do, but yesterday was a busy day and i didnt get home with the children/animals until gone 5pm...

I brought it here because I was hopping mad and was unsure if I was being unreasonable about my choices of food or if he was being arsey. General consensus was he was an arse and my food is totally fine.

Actually you are all very welcome to pop round for soup and tiger bread/homemade bread. Might even russle up something more substantial if I was making an effort!

rofl @ stink eye... what exactly is it? And how does one do it? Or is it some martial art move that is perfected over the years.

Oh and DH did apologise much later on last night.

OP posts:
barefootinthepark · 09/03/2010 08:14

i know, he's obviously not a knob, neither are you, he was in a bad mood and hungry, so i don't know, if it was me i wouldn't enjoy or need the reassurance of lots of people calling my husband a knobend because i didn't want to run a "fucking hotel"

but that's just me

scaryteacher · 09/03/2010 08:27

It is AIBU barefoot - so she is entitled to ask. If my husband doesn't like what is on offer he can go without, as can my son.

I am a SAHM, and no, I don't have dinner on the table, or his slippers warming when he walks in the door. I'll have dinner planned, but not yet executed, and if it is what he had for lunch, then I'll cook something else, but that is as far as it goes.

barefootinthepark · 09/03/2010 08:33

yes it's aibu

have never seen one without a dissenting voice yet

everyone does things differently

scaryteacher · 09/03/2010 08:47

Obviously.

barefootinthepark · 09/03/2010 08:49

that sounds like a raised eyebrow

if you read my post you'll see i don't do dinner either

it's just that we've had the conversation about it

scaryteacher · 09/03/2010 08:55

I read your post, but couldn't see why you found it necessary to comment on how the OP organises her marriage; or what she has 'sorted out' with her dh. Lots of the division of the domestics happens without 'sorting it out' or a conversation about it being necessary.

It wasn't a raised eyebrow - it was a comment on the obvious, obviously.

barefootinthepark · 09/03/2010 09:04

i don't get it that's all -- i don't see the big deal

porcamiseria · 09/03/2010 09:16

sigh as a FT working mum I would love to come home to dinner on the table, but suprise I often have to cook it too

he has got too used to a good thing IMO

Original poster
thehillsarealive · 09/03/2010 09:47

barefoot - you dont have to get it, it isnt a big deal, I was angry and pissed off and wasnt sure why he didnt see he was being unreasonable; if he was being U, which we all decided that he was. Sometimes you need others perspective that is all.

But hey, my marriage is fine, dont worry about that, it was only a little thing, but you see, if you dont vent about them that turns into resentment and before you know it I will be on relationships moaning my face off because he really really has turned into a total arse when the little things escalate and turn into HUGE annoyances.

OP posts:
StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 09/03/2010 10:03

Last night my dh came home to find supper (roasted veg, to go with sausages) burning caramelising in the oven because I was dealing with the fall-out of ds3 having a total meltdown at me, and then at both his brothers (who were trying to back me up on the discipline front but who made things much much worse), so he had to go to the chipshop to get chips to accompany the sausages and burnt caramelised veg! I think he'd have jumped at the offer of home made soup and/or left-over roast, fresh veg and yorkshires!

thedollshouse · 09/03/2010 10:08

YANBU. However soup is not filling enough for your main meal and I wouldn't want yesterdays leftovers either. He did behave like a child though.

We have had similar strops. Dh can get quite stroppy if pasta is on the menu as he doesn't really like it. Yesterday dh was in charge and I was a bit miffed that he made curry but didn't put vegetables in it. Life is too short to get het up over petty issues like this though.

mayorquimby · 09/03/2010 10:42

yabu he went to the shop to get his own food and cook his own dinner. Isn't that what everyone is suggesting you told him to do?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 09/03/2010 10:52

I think what the OP was objecting to was the attitude and the rudeness, rather than her dh's actions. Throwing a big strop because he didn't fancy what was for tea was unneccessary and rude, especially as the OP had offered him a perfectly reasonable alternative to the soup, because she suspected he wouldn't want the soup.

Chandon · 09/03/2010 11:02

My DH comes in from city too, late and hungry, often doesn´t have lunch.

I am usually the good wife (and why not? After all he doesn´t exactly enjoy every minute of being in the City either)and have a nice home cooked meal.

I have however always made a point of having random days where I do not bother, and we have cheese on toast, or chips and egg. Just to remind him how nice his usual meals are. And also, there are days, like OP mentions where there just isn´t time.

Then again, my DH is extremely grateful for any nice-ish food, and in your house would have happily had the soup, then moved on to the cold leftovers and made himself huge pork sarie, then he would have eaten a packet of biscuits

It´s a funny dynamic: As he is appreciative, I don´t mind cooking for him. If he would be in any way demanding, I think I´d get resentful....

I find it helps NOT being apologetic, just saying: "This is all there is as I was too busy." Don´t say "sorry, but..." especially not if you don´t mean it!

ImSoNotTelling · 09/03/2010 11:05

barefoot you think that offering a husband a choice of two different hot cooked meals on his triumphant return from work is inadequate?

Boody hell.

Would an a la carte offering of 6 different seasonal dishes cut the mustard?

Original poster
thehillsarealive · 09/03/2010 11:15

imsonottelling - no way in this lifetime am i doing an A la carte menu. But i have said that tonight it is stroganoff and if the 'family' done want it then I am not cooking for the rest of the week and they can all bloody live on pot noodles. (dont think my children have ever had a potnoodle, so will probably think it is tres chic!)

Husband is working from home today - so i said soup for lunch and he said yes thanks... so i think i have got my point across.

chandon like your idea of 'not bothering' might do that and see what happens, if I end up on 'relationships' as a DV wife then can I blame you?

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 09/03/2010 11:22

I don't get it either.

Also I don't like the idea that if someone decides they don't want what's on offer they can nip out and get something else - expeinsive and potentially v unhealthy.

Personally I cook with the families likes and dislikes in mind and frankly they get what they're given. If DH shops and cooks it's the same. I can't imagine turning my nose up at what he had done and fucking off out for a KFC or something. Rude IMO.

I think what you offered him was really nice, personally.