to be contemplating turning up a tiny bit drunk for my smear test

[organichairbrush]

I just can't be bothered to have ishoooos with it. I just want to be out of it throughout, and I'm sure it'll be easier for the nurse if I am.

AIBU?

ha ha - hmm, i know some people who routinely have a glass of wine and/or a couple of painkillers before getting their legs waxed so it's prob no different than doing it for a smear test.

in saying that, i don't think smear tests are all that bad - certainly not comfortable, but usually over in less than 2 mins. and you can usually tell if someone's been drinking, their cheeks are flushed and you can smell it off them, so you might get some stares or whispers if you show up to your doctor's surgery like that, which could cause you more embarrassment/issues.

def not easy being a woman sometimes!!

Im being serious when I say this is a brilliant idea. I hate going for these and have ignored my invites for too long. Wish someone could orgnise a 'smear' social night where we could all go en masse, partake of a few bevvies then, when feeling 'brave enough' trot off to see the nurse (in a seperate room of course!).

Maybe, since we'd all be nicely merry, they could give us a bikini wax while we're there? Should be a new campaign policy on the election trail!!

Like a Botox party, then. Good idea. Would avoid the need to hide the smell. (I was planning on chewing breathmints throughout, but I'm sure that's too well-known a trick!)

The practice should pilot it, at least...

Brilliant idea. My smears used to be fine but then my cervix somehow got lost and recently they've been a nightmare ending up with a colposcopy that I got to watch on their glorious technicolour widescreen TV. Would have been much nicer with a G&T in hand.

Just book an afternoon appointment and pretend you have just been for lunch with a friend.

Sounds a great idea to me. This is probably TMI and really not an image you need in your head on a Friday morning, but I am about to do a DIY bikini wax and I have smothered the entire fanjo area with Emla cream which is an over the counter local anaesthetic following a tip off from a friend who had a Brazilian and now swears by it

venus at the idea of a smear party! I would never be able to look at a glass of Chablis in the same way again

I always have a V & DC before my spear tests even if they are 9.30 in the morning!!!!

I don't have a problem with booze but I HATE smear tests.

Love the idea of a Smear test party!

Smear test party would be ace! My doctor however sat there looking like this when I went after having had a glass of wine at lunch. Probably wrote SOA or whatever the code is on my notes too.

I would be afraid of falling off the table tho, lying down when you're a bit pissed always makes me sleepy. I'd be snoring in 60 seconds flat ;)

Don't have too much or the nurse won't be able to do it, as you could be classed as incapable of giving informed consent.

As nice as the idea is, if a woman came to see me half cut to have her smear I'd be pretty concerned! And DEFINITELY don't drive there!

I agree they could hand you a double bacardi and coke in the waiting room. I have tried this technique not with a smear but with an eye treatment I had macular degeneration so had to have godawful painful laser treatment they did the left eye in the morning then the surgeon had to attend AandE and I was asked to come back 2hours later for the right eye. Hospitals do not have a Bar unfortunately so in desperation and to calm myself I went to the Megabowl nearby and had 2 stiff ones. (I was not allowed to drive that day for obvious reasons) The second lasering was deffo not as bad as the first. So go for it.

I did.

I had never had one until last month (I'm 30). Had a few glasses of wine, the doctor thought it was pretty funny and said she always reccomends whatever vets you through to patients who ask if they can drink before hand. You only have to lay down afterall!

if spear (like it!!) tests really hurt then makes your hands into fists and put them under your bum - helps a bit.

i realise it’s now 14 years later but did this work for you?

I had a glass of wine before my last one. I think it helped as it was less awful than the previous one. The plural of anecdote isn't data though.

Good idea. My friend does this before the dentist. She's quite open about it. The dentist is very understanding.

Oh no it's a zombie!!! But still a good question!

I'd probably need a wee if I'd had alcohol so wouldn't be a good plan for me 😬