To think 7 is old enough to stay with an aunty for the weekend?

[cuspish]

My niece is 7, I have a brilliant realtionship with her. I'd love for her to come and stay for a weekend. My sister thinks she's too young.

Now fair enough, not going to argue with my sister, her daughter so her choice. But how old is old enough?

Btw, few more facts. My niece is a capable comfident 7 year old. The oldest of 3. They live a four hour drive away and we've offered to pick her up and take her home. My sister has never left any of her kids overnight, not even with family.

Well, I must be even laxer and less caring than Weegiemum (I was a Weegie once, before the mum bit!) As I said above, my DD was at residential camp for a full week age 6.5. Before that she'd been for sleepovers since 4. When she was 7.5 it was two (separated) weeks away. This summer she wanted to be away for 6-8 weeks without us. She's not even at secondary. (She wants to board. Tomorrow.) She's getting 4, in 2 lots of 2 weeks. Both will be some distance away and some hours travel.

On not one occasion has she been upset, fretful or missed me. So I don't worry if she's several hours away - my parents live overseas, and she's stayed with them alone.

I know other children who would be unhappy, however confident they are normally. However, that has actually been tested by letting them try when they thought they were ready. I don't think it does a child any favours not to let them try at all, whether you start with sleepovers two doors down or something further away. If it doesn't work, then leave it. If the child doesn't want to, don't push it.

BUT if the child wants to try, then it seems to me that parents (and I mean fathers too) should not let their own fears prevent their children taking acceptable steps to independence. 4 hours away may be too far for a first try, but if any parent is forbidding even a try at one night in a known place (I do not mean school friends whose parents you've never met, toxic relatives, places you haven't been) then I don't think it's helping the child to become independent in easy, manageable stages.

possibly mothers don't like them going away beause, they might do what DD did, at the tender age of 15 monhts, and ask

'where's daddy and baby?'

little cow. i suppose i am, in fact, just a food source to her....

God, my sister is champing at the bit to have DD's to stay with her nearly 2 hours drive away!
I have insisted to wait until they are potty trained and can talk properly, so as soon as DD2 is 3 then

well, if i waited that long Jack, i'd never be rid of her. mine is yet to master 'mummy' at 2.5.....

she can say 'poo-poo' and 'sweet' though so I suppose the things that are really important to her she can talk about sniff!

i often think that alot of 'preciousness' is largely the mums neediness and insecurity. they want to be needed so much. they little 'princess' couldn't do a/b/c. no your child is not a princess. she is a little girl. and your needs to live and be loved THROUGH your children, to be needed. is nothing short of very bad parenting.

how well do you konw her if you live 4 hours away?

activate, the reason I want to send my children to stay with my Dsis is precisely because she lives so far away that they hardly ever see her. When we do (about 3 or 4 times a year) they are great with them and the girls love them both, and I trust her with them so what real harm can they come to?

If your sister has never let her sleepover yet, I can imagine that you are unlikely to convince her that the best place to start her sleepover career is somewhere 4 hours travel away.

Mine have been doing sleepovers from 3 years old - actually, ds slept over at 2 years old They have occasional mild wobbles, but nothing major, and there has never been any A&E type disasters... Unfortunetly, not much you can do other than wait and make sure that the offer is open. Could you offer to take her out for a day trip, to help your sister get used the idea that her daughter may live through the experience

'It's because I love my DDs so much that I will never lay my anxities on their shoulders. And I do everything within my power to give them roots and give them wings. '

I agree. So many mothers seem to be putting their insecurities onto the children, if they end up in hospital 4 hrs away (only a slight risk) you would deal with it. DS1 had to have stitches at Scout camp-the leader took him and I took him to get them out when he came home. I certainly wouldn't stop him going because x, y or z might happen.
Good parenting is letting them live!! Weigh up the risk,and the risk of anything happening with a loved aunt is small. The main risk seems to be that the mother feels sad that they can cope without her-instead of proud! Being a parent means letting go gradually and not waiting until a DC is 10 yrs and worrying themselves sick because they want to go away with the school and they haven't had a single night without Mum.

Well, to add my fuel to the fire ...

DP and I sent our 18mo DS to stay with his grandparents for a weekend. They live about an hour and a half away, but neither DP nor I can drive, so it was my PIL picking him up and dropping him off. Sure, I cried when he went, but he had a good time, and it meant that DP and I got a break - we didn't have anyone who could simply pop over and babysit of an evening at the time. I used to stay at my grandparents all the time as a small child, as did my sister, and, now okay, it was much closer than the four hours mentioned here, but I guess I don't see that much issue in distance. For me at least, once you get to the point where it's a car journey it's a car journey further than I can go.

Of course, the reason he stayed there was that it was the only way for him to get some quality time with his grandparents without us around, as they're too far away to take him for an afternoon or a day. And we had often stayed at their house so it was familiar. I wouldn't do it with anyone else.

I'm in agreement with the people who say that being overprotective just sets children up for a stressful childhood. Okay, so it's not staying away, but I was sixteen before I knew how to catch a bus, because my mum didn't think it was safefor me to get one home from school. I can clearly remember being terrified the first time I was on one alone, because it was an unknown to me. And that's a bus. I can only imagine how scary it would be to get older and never have slept away from your parents.

Frankly, if I'm worried or a bit tearful at the thought of my DS going away, that's my business, and not his. His business is to have fun and grow up as a confident young man, which he won't do if he's weighed down by my neuroses. I used to not tell my mum about sleepovers or just visiting friends for tea because I picked up on the fact that it was "inconvenient" for her to have to drive me there or back. I missed out on a lot of life because I wanted to be a good daughter, and in the end it did me no good at all. It's not a pattern I want to repeat.

I agree Tottwriter. I actually feel quite annoyed with the woman who let her 10yr old suffer so much anguish-it was totally unnecessary -had she just let her out of her sight for a night earlier.
My DS who was wobbly about going away was fine with grandparents-it was home from home. They had known them since babies. Both sets came to our house and I could go out and leave them to it, they knew how the house worked, routines, facts that DS1 couldn't sleep without his blanket etc so that it was a natural step going to their house. It won't happen where you get the sort of post that says a grandparent shouldn't pick up the grandchild without the permission of the mother!
I was very worried when my 8 yr old went off to cub camp by a 3 hr train journey-but there was no way that I let him know! There have been parents on here who say that they cry when their DC goes away-even worse they cry in front of their DC! The poor DC then feels guilty, they feel that enjoying themselves is a betrayal-if their mother is crying they should be! As a mother you have to keep these things to yourselves and be positive. I believe that Tottwriter is correct, and over protectiveness causes terrific stress for the DC. My DSs wouldn't have had half the opportunities if I had been so worried, e.g.a school trip to Russia-after all the plane might crash! (the plane didn't crash and he had a wonderful experience).