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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 7 is old enough to stay with an aunty for the weekend?

87 replies

cuspish · 02/03/2010 10:28

My niece is 7, I have a brilliant realtionship with her. I'd love for her to come and stay for a weekend. My sister thinks she's too young.

Now fair enough, not going to argue with my sister, her daughter so her choice. But how old is old enough?

Btw, few more facts. My niece is a capable comfident 7 year old. The oldest of 3. They live a four hour drive away and we've offered to pick her up and take her home. My sister has never left any of her kids overnight, not even with family.

OP posts:
damnedchilblains · 02/03/2010 11:03

YANBU aww i wish I had a sister who i could palm ask to look after my dc's with. Your sister doesn't know how lucky she is!

theITgirl · 02/03/2010 11:33

Your niece could be like my DS (8 now). Very confident etc. BUT he doesn't like staying away overnight - unless its cub-camp, when he is fine.

MIL has had DS & DD (5 yrs) twice now for the weekend last year and the year before. DD loves it, but DS misses us too much. It takes about a year to build him up so that he wants to go again.

However he is really looking forward to the school trip in June which is 3 nights away, followed immediately by cub camp for two nights. I will miss him terribly though, 5 nights away with only a couple of hours at home.

No idea why he is like that.

Chluro · 02/03/2010 11:35

I think its perfectly reasonable and the sort of thing my 7yo DD would love. Hope you get to do this soon!

However, I wonder if she feels you are favouring the older one, by not inviting them all - some parents get bent out of shape about that sort of thing?!

verytellytubby · 02/03/2010 11:42

My SIL often has my DD who's 7 for the weekend. She's one in a million and had all 3 of mine (DD 7, twins 4) overnight if we need her.

I haven't read all the replies but I feel 7 is old enough. Speak to your sister. Maybe you could break it in gently and stay with her and take her out for the day.

MrsC2010 · 02/03/2010 11:43

Not sure. Personally I wouldn't have wanted to at 7, not sure if that's unusual or not.

mumtolawyer · 02/03/2010 21:51

My DD went to a one week residential camp at 6.5. I don't think 7 is too young, IF the child is OK with it. But, as the OP has said, it's up to her niece's mum.

TeamEdward · 02/03/2010 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fluffles · 02/03/2010 21:59

brownies are 7 - 10 and most cope fine with brownie holiday, maybe not the absolutely youngest just-turned 7 but the rest are good.

and staying with an aunty is FAR less daunting that brownie holiday.

i think you should try to persuade your sis (gently).

MrsC2010 · 02/03/2010 22:04

Do you know what your neice wants? I wass a very confident child, but I still don't think I'd have wanted to do this. If my mum and her sister had discussed it and decided that I was going I'd have felt quite uncomfortable.

Alambil · 02/03/2010 22:07

my sister took DS to Butlins for 5 days when he was 3... he LOVED it and talked about it for years.

I think 7 is plenty old enough

LeQueen · 02/03/2010 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 02/03/2010 22:11

My dd was a very outwardly 'forward' confident child - performed on stage in front of hundreds of people, did all sorts of activities, would talk to anyone, very sociable - but was 12 before she could stay away from home overnight without much soul searching and angst. And even now, at 14, she has the occasionaly wobble before a sleepover! So it may well be not your sister at all, but your neice. And your sister might be covering for her!

Hulababy · 02/03/2010 22:11

Doesn't really matter what other 7y do though. Depends on what this 7y wants to do, and what her parents want her to do.

YANBU to invite her. But equally her mum is NBU to decline at the moment.

damnedchilblains · 02/03/2010 22:24

"However, I wonder if she feels you are favouring the older one, by not inviting them all - some parents get bent out of shape about that sort of thing?!"

cuspish is that the case? chluro I am one of those precious parents my mil always used to ask to take my older dc specifically without my younger dc and I completely refused, take one take all, I won't separate my children to make it easier for someone, unless they are older and want to go by themselves. I won't mind that.

piscesmoon · 02/03/2010 22:29

Sounds PFB to me. It is very hard for them t go away on a school trip, Brownies etc if they have never stayed away with even family. Could you just suggest going over and taking her out on the day on her own. See how it goes and work up from there?

jellybeans · 02/03/2010 22:40

Well, I wouldn't want my 7 year olds 4 hours away for a weekend. They have been on Brownie camps etc within an hours drive but not hours away. They are your sisters kids, she knows them best and it is up to her, she may sense you are abit pushy and feel 'it is old enough' despite her wishes. Why not just enjoy days out locally instead?

Why should your sister leave her kids overnight if she doesn't want to anyway?

hotcrossbunny · 02/03/2010 22:44

Agree with Hulababy. Not all 7 year olds want to stay away from home, not all mums want their dcs to stay away. It's your dsis and niece's call. Nice that you've offered though

seimum · 02/03/2010 23:00

My DCs have been staying with my mother (who they see weekly) from the age of 1, and with MIL (who lives 3-4 hours away and they see 3-4 times a year) from the age of 3 no problems.

When DS was 3 he got suspected chicken pox the day before we were due to go on holiday, so he spent the week split between both sets of grandparents (3-4 days at each) & loved it.

I don't think they've stayed with uncles/aunts on their own, but my DD1 did go and spend a week with cousins abroad that she had never met before when she was 13.

So YANBU - depends on the child

piscesmoon · 03/03/2010 08:04

DSs first cub camp was 3 hours away by train when he was 8 yrs-it was a great help that he had stayed with grandparents from a young age.
My eldest spent a lot of time with grandparents when he was an only, it was lovely for both sides. I then had 2 more and they were very close in age and were very much a 'job lot'. It was much more of an effort to treat them as individuals and get them time on their own with grandparents, but worth the effort IMO.
In this case it depends on the niece I would have thought. I don't think we have her feelings on the subject. Some DCs aren't ready and it would be wrong to force her, perhaps the mother knows this. If the niece is ready but it is all down to the mother's feelings then I think she should work to overcome them.

addictedtomn · 03/03/2010 08:19

i was going to say yanbu, 7yo is old enough and every thing will be fine but then i saw its a 4 hour drive whilst i think 7yo is old enough is your dsis worried about how she would get to you, who she would leave the other children with, her dd ending up in a hospital so far away etc etc if, god forbid, something was go wrong. and in that case i can see where shes coming from and yab a little u, but only a very little!

SeaTrek · 03/03/2010 08:40

I haven't read the replies (too many) but, as an anxious mum:

They live a four hour drive away and we've offered to pick her up and take her home.

this would make me sick with worry, for many reasons, and at just 7, I wouldn't feel the time had come to say yes despite this.

I think you are a lovely auntie!

harecare · 03/03/2010 08:46

Hi, I doubt age is the real issue. Maybe she wonders why you can't spend the weekend with her instead so you see her and niece.
I'm having this stress with inlaws at the moment. They want my 2 year old to stay and while I know she'll be fine I just don't want her to go and they and dp think I'm totally irrational.

jellybeans · 03/03/2010 10:12

'but it is all down to the mother's feelings then I think she should work to overcome them.'

Why should she though?

TrillianAstra · 03/03/2010 10:14

Travellodge often have £29/night sales on rooms - that's probably be cheaper than driving up and back twice.

groundhogs · 03/03/2010 10:16

I don't think you are being U at all, your sister is, but it IS totally her call. So she is NBU by BU if you see what I mean...

You sound a brilliant Aunty, and it's a lovely thought for you to offer. I remember when I was about 7 going up to Scotland with my Nan, I still remember it vividly... I'll now have to ask my mum how she felt about it at the time actually....

Harecare does make a good point, it could be that she thinks why take her AWAY, why not come and stay with us all?

Keep asking, who knows?