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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Engagement Presents?

54 replies

worldgonemad72 · 27/02/2010 18:09

Would you think i was being unreasonable not to give my dsis a present for her engagement (she's having a party Tonight), Ive got her a card. When i got engaged we didn't get any cards or presents but we didn't have a party. What should i do? my dh says just give them a card but i dont want to seem rude or upset her if i dont put anything inside it.

OP posts:
MamaG · 27/02/2010 18:11

Depends why

if you're v skint then ok

if you are doing it because YOU didn't get a gift, then you're being a bit mean

roulade · 27/02/2010 18:11

I didn't get my sis an engagement present, those are for the wedding itself in my opinion. YANBU

Original poster
worldgonemad72 · 27/02/2010 18:13

We arnt skint, so i guess i am being a bit of a meany. My dh thinks that you should only get cards for engagements for some strange reason.

OP posts:
CelluliteCity · 27/02/2010 18:15

Nice bottle of bubbly?

hana · 27/02/2010 18:17

but it would be a nice thing to do, what's the harm?

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird · 27/02/2010 18:17

Do people get engagement presents? We got just one and I was surprised and thought it was nice but a bit odd. I've never brought anyone an engagement present, but I always buy them wedding presents. My brother just got engaged and it didn't even occur to me to be honest.

alarkaspree · 27/02/2010 18:22

Engagement presents are not the norm, in my experience. I think a card is ample, bottle of champagne would be an extra-nice gesture.

ShirleyAmbrose · 27/02/2010 18:23

I would never buy an engagement present. A card, maybe a bottle of bubbly if it was someone close.

PrammyMammy · 27/02/2010 18:32

We got friends, a card and a nice bottle of wine, they had a party. When we got engaged we got lots of presents and cards, about 25, we got towels, bed covers, money, drink, meal vouchers, photo frames, and i felt rotten because the couple we bought the wine for, gave us a night at a nice hotel. I had no idea that this happened, i didn't even know you gave gifts, we just gave our friends the bottle because they hosted the party, in the same way that we would take a bottle if it were a dinner party.

octopusinabox · 27/02/2010 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneS · 27/02/2010 18:45

YANBU. I've never heard of anyone I know getting engagement presents. Can you just bring a slightly nicer bottle than usual to the party?

Original poster
worldgonemad72 · 27/02/2010 18:50

thanks for all your replies, ive never bought an engagement gift before, just cards. the only reason i asked was that my mum asked what i had got for them. with it being my sisters engagement i'll got a bottle of bubby in the way then. Thanks everyone

OP posts:
MrsC2010 · 27/02/2010 19:00

When we got engaged we got little presents from our parents and my Granny, but that's it. I had never heard of engagement presents to be honest. We got cards and the odd bottle of sparkly from friends.

fluffles · 27/02/2010 19:01

i haven't given or recieved anything except for a congrats card and a token bottle of bubbly for an engagement.

Coldhands · 27/02/2010 19:05

I didn't know people DIDN'T buy engagement presents if there is a party.

We had a party and people brought presents. I had never actually been to an engagement party before so had never thought about it but if I did go to someones, I would take a present.

lilolilmanchester · 27/02/2010 19:06

I'd find it hard to go to any kind of party without giving a present tbh, unless, as others have said, you are totally broke. Bottle of fizz would be fine, token gesture.

MrsC2010 · 27/02/2010 19:07

Hmmm, true Coldhands...I haven't been to an engagement party as such so perhaps the etiquette is different?

traceybath · 27/02/2010 19:10

They're having a party so as others have said I would take a bottle of champagne as a gift along with usual drink if its a house party.

Its your sister - I bought my sister champagne when she got engaged.

lilolilmanchester · 27/02/2010 19:13

oh, and just realised it's your sister.... would give my sis (if I had one) an engagement present party or no...

DaftApeth · 27/02/2010 19:13

I wouldn't get a household item. Maybe a bottle of bubbly (as you plan to do), book on planning weddings, wedding magazine, lottery ticket.

JemL · 27/02/2010 19:15

None of the people whose engagement parties I have been to have actually gone on to get married! Hence I don't buy "proper" gifts - a bottle of bubbly is fine IMO.

TheCrackFox · 27/02/2010 19:18

You are so right JemL. Engagement party = no wedding.

Coldhands · 27/02/2010 19:25

I had a party and got married! Although it is the only engagement party I have ever been to.

I do have one coming up this year though. My cousin has told me he is going to propose to his GF when they go on holiday in May. I can't wait!

Oh no, what is the ettiquette then? I assume I will be buying a present. May get vouchers as they have recently moved into a flat and are gradually decorating.

kitsmummy · 27/02/2010 19:37

From experience, getting engaged doesn't mean getting a present. Going on to have an engagement party however does mean you get gifts. We got no engagement presents. Two months later we had an engagement party (hired a room in a pub, provided bbq food) and we got loads of presents then.

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird · 27/02/2010 19:42

To me it seems odd to buy a household type present when you will be buying the same sort of thing for the wedding present in a few months. Duplication. I think that the ideas on this thread like a bottle of bubbly, wedding planning magazines, etc are really nice (but certainly not "expected") I had never thought of it before but I think I maybe would now.