to thinks that eau de fags is not what I expect to my son to be wearing when he comes back from childrens birthday party!

[josieandthepussycats]

Have namechanged for this given that ds has only been in for about half an hour.....
DS has come back from a party smelling really strongly of cigarette smoke . I nearly had a heart attack when he told me there was a smoke bowl ..... fortunately / unfortunately it turned out to be an ashtray . He now tells me he really likes the smell of cigarette smoke. . There were about six adults sat through the party chain smoking - nobody went outside to light up at any point! Am fuming!

eek, i would try to put it behind you. don't make a fuss, forget about it.

it has really fotten up my nose the they were too lazy to walk to the door and open it. smoke if you want but not in a confined space with my kids

where was the party? in someones's house?

i would be v v cross but i doubt it would turn him into a smoker at this tender age

i think smoiking around yong children, indoors, espe when not your own children is particualrly unpleasant

How disgusting and disrespectful of the hosts.

But there isn't a lot you can do about it apart from not let him go there again which I doubt you will do.

How old is he?

I had friends whose houses I only went to once when I was in primary school. This was probably because I had pretty bad asthma as a kid, but if I was in a smokey house I would get wheezy etc... and need to be picked up.

Funnily enough my dad smokes, but he NEVER did it in the house and I didn't even find out he did until I was 15! He was super vigilant about smoking outdoors and only when we weren't home (back in the days when you could go to a pub for a smoke I guess), and would fume about anyone else smoking in front of us.

That said, you can't control what other people do in their own houses. If you can't trust them to take good care of your kids, you just don't leave your kids with them.

I'm funny about letting my DS go to people's houses with dogs unless I know it's going to be kept outside and DS won't be anywhere near it. Some people think it's OTT, but he's my child and if they don't match my standard of care then I won't leave him with them.

DS is 6, no he wont be going there again - EVER. It was a house party but still think its not on. When I was child we had to sit in the same room as two adults smoking all the time - I hated it and still hate the smell of smoke to this day! Its the first time and last time he has ever been there.

I would say though, that my parents were VERY good at having my friends over, especially friends whose houses I couldn't go to, so I didn't feel like I couldn't be friends with them IYSWIM. I think it's important that you let your DC know that you are not choosing who he can be friends with based on what you think of their family, you are just being careful about the situations he is put in.

am happy for him to have the birthday child over here to play but he will not ever be going there again. Its the parents not the child I have an issue with. Luckily not a very close friend of ds at the moment. IF we did get to the point the mother kept asking him to come to play with her ds I would explain that I would prefer they came to mine and explain politely why. She may take offence but I prefer to be honest rather that have to keep making excuses all the time.

I think you are over reacting

Get over it ...

i don't think she's overreacting i smoke a bit (used to smoke more) but would never dream of smoking around kids and definitely not someone elses!

YANBU. If it was the birthday party of someone you don't know all that well, then you haven't had a chance to scope them out (as it were) and they should have gone elsewhere to light up with other people's children around. I mean, one fag is bad enough, but for your son to reek that badly he can't have been exaggerating too much about them chain smoking. And that's totally out of line.

Still, at least it was just a one-off. Your son will quickly forget the stink and that he thought it wasn't so bad if he isn't constantly exposed to it. And definitely don't be afraid to tell these people why he's not going around there if your son does become friends with this child, though hopefully he won't. I hate causing a ruckus.

YANBU, I agree with goddess, I smoke (a couple after the kids are in bed, outside the back door, & it's shut)& feel v guilty about that, I would never ever smoke around my kids let alone someone elses.

God forbid he befriends a smokers child

Don't think you are BU at all - I don't have an issue with anyone smoking so long as they don't do it around me or my kids. If we're somewhere where someone is smoking I don't make a fuss and simply move away - in that respect I don't consider it to be a big deal.

However seems very inappropriate to smoke at a children's party IMO especially if you are the host, and especially when you would not have been in a position to decide if you wanted your son to passive smoke and therefore couldn't choose to take him out.

I can see the point of those replies saying forget about it, it is neither going to give him lung cancer nor turn him into a lifelong smoker - but it wouldn't be unreasonable to have a quiet word with the birthday child's parent and explain the situation.

YANBU. Your reaction is maybe different from what some people's would be, but I think it is within the bounds of normal and reasonable.

Several people chain-smoking in a room full of children is not on, IMO. I'd be annoyed.

Thanks for all your replies I just needed to vent because I think it is unacceptable to smoke around children.

Usual suspect - I am a smokers (chain smokers, infact) child - I hated it then even before the whole passive smoking row, I hate it even more now with a passion. I have several friends that smoke and ds has several friends that are smokers children. None of these people smoke around the children even though several are very heavy smokers. They always go outside.

YANBU! What sort of people can not lay of te fags for aa couoke of hours or go outside when there are 6 YEAR OLDS around fgs. Nothing to get over and you are totally NOT over reacting. I think it's utterly vile. It's not about befriending smokers children - it's about grown up human beings/parents having some RESPECT for a child's health and simply NOT smoking around them. Simple as.

Tottwriter - the smell was as stong as the stench you get off a smoker that has been sat in a smoking room and just walked past you.

I'm not a smoker, don't much like the smell or health risks etc etc, but a couple of hours exposure to a bit of smoke will do your DS no lasting harm as a one off so chill

cupcakes - yes a lack of respect and sheer laziness!

YANBU - but on the upside it's not like he came back from the childminders (or another environment that he might attend regularly) stinking of smoke. It's a one-off. But like you I wouldn't be happy.

Can I be controversial and ask was the party of a particularly common child? .

There were prob parents and family/friends there as it was a party They won't always be there!I don't smoke and don't like it but saying he can never go there again is harsh As long as 99% of the time he is not exposed to it he should be fine.

Laydee - i have to disagree. there is no excuse for smoking around children full stop.

Bet the party was on a council estate