annoying woman - would you tell an acquaintance this?

[Clary]

Bumped into a mum I know - not really a friend tho I have known her a while - this am and asked after her DS who is now in yr 2.

"Oh he's doing really well - and he's on the G&T register! Yes, for reading and for ICT! blah blah blah" lots more info about prodigal DS.

I was a bit tho I said oh yes, he's such a good reader isn't he. I am certainly very abotu G&T in primary schools for a number of reasons; but even if I thought it was wonderful I don't think I'd randomly boast about it to a passing mum.

Would you?

'On another point, sometimes children are put on G&T registers because they are genuinely G&T, sometimes just because they are hyper-keen and vocal in class, or confident, or have parents who enquire a lot and the teacher knows it would placate the parents'

Not at the schools that I go into!! If that happens at your DCs school it is a,very unprofessional and b,I don't know how they would manage to fit the criteria-I would suggest you ask the governors lot of questions.

"sometimes children are put on G&T registers because they are genuinely G&T"

Very rarely. Mostly they are put on the register because schools have targets for how many should be on the register. Another wonderful government initiative and it's something Ofsted look for. 95% of these children can be catered for within normal lessons and mostly they are just above average. It is the parents of the real G&T children who feel no need to brag about it because it has been blindingly obvious since babyhood that there was something different about their child.

If the G&T register is a government initiative does that mean it is only used in state schools? (purely out of interest..)

I have a son who is a bit of a whizz at all subjects. I've never really felt that I can't win - I just don't get involved in comparisons conversations, and even the children don't seem to notice (or care) what group each of them are in. He's now in high school, and I couldn't honestly tell you who is in which of his classes.

We have a different system in Scotland, whereby primary children go through levels, and don't sit SATS. When you go to parents evening, the teacher focuses on what level they are working towards, rather than what group they are in - unless you specifcally ask, and I don't, as I'm really not interested in where they sit in the class league tables.

The children of the brightest children are usually very quiet and unassuming-their children just get on without fuss, and so do they, they have nothing to prove. They are not living their life through their DC.

Ah but if you keep quiet about how clever you / your children are then everyone will think you're being arrogant about it. I agree with you can't win, I've been there

I would assume though that you don't bore passing acquaintances who happen to ask after them with tales of your either of your DD's achievements though?!

I have a friend whose son is exceptional - could read fluently at 3, hold in-depth debates about the meaning of infinity before he started school and taught himself maths at the same age. He's only in P1, but goes into older classes for much of his work. She's very concerned for him, as she worries about what the future holds - but has never, ever sought to go into great detail about his 'achievements' with someone she hardly knows. No-one thinks her arrogant - it's just not a conversation that she ever has with anyone. There are a million and one other things that are discussed before the subject of 'what group is your DC in' comes up.

Gosh people are rude on AIBU aren't they?

So far I have been called jealous, nutter, two-faced and envious. piscesmoon will take yr advice and not start a thread here again

Thanks for those who understood what I was trying to say btw.

caen I too agree with you - it's a nonsense IMO to put 10% of pupils at a school on the G&T register - they might go to a different school and no longer be in top 10% there - are they no longer G&T? But that's another thread really

AIBU threads are a copy and paste job for some ...wouldn't matter what you posted, you'd be called the same things

Yes piscesmoon, it is unprofessional, but I used to teach full-time in departments where it happens (admittedly in secondary school so maybe different from experiences of many with younger children). There are R.S. teachers who have to choose children who are G&T in their subject, and they see 450 students a fortnight (average one and a half hours a week, in a class of at least thirty). I'm not one of them, but I know from their discussions that it's difficult for them to accurately choose who is most 'gifted' in studying religion, so they go for who is keenest and sticks out in their memory, and would enjoy some extra R.S. lessons/excursions. Certainly in state secondary schools most teachers are so overworked that these kinds of initiatives come some way below all of the other pressures of exam results, marking and tracking, behavioural issues etc..

My first response from some posters is why bother asking someone 'how are you?' if you don't want a genuine response..what's the point??? When someone asks me, they get the full answer of exactly how I'm feeling. If you don't want to know, don't ask. Simple as. I can't be arsed with small talk.

YABU to be annoyed at your acquaintance. You asked a specific question about her son. You got an answer. There's nothing unreasonable about what she said to you.

I should add that when I first was asked by a Head of Dept. to choose students for the register, the advice at the time was that G&T shouldn't necessarily mean the students who are achieving the highest marks in the class, but that a criterion for G&T may be that the student approaches the subject with an unusual or imaginative approach. You can see that teachers will all be using different criteria to select, making it a bit woolly really. Sorry this has taken just one element of the OP and diverted a bit, but I think those parents whose DCs aren't on a G&T register certainly shouldn't feel that it's conclusive that the DC is not gifted and able in that area.

After watching Kids Don't Count on ch4 it made me feel a huge sense of relief that DS is going to be attending a Scottish state primary school. SATS seem like an utterly pointless and stressful system for teachers and children to go through at such a young age.

lequeen - looks like we actually have something in common - your dd2 sounds like my ds1. Would you mind telling me how she copes with being in the other classes with older children? DS1 is due to start school in sept and we weren't sure whether it would be better for him to go into a class with older children for some of the time or if the work from older classes should be brought to him in the class he is in iyswim. He's reading fluently, writing and has started basic arithmetic but emotionally I don't think he is ready to be in with older children. It's a small country school and the teachers are lovely and have suggested both options and just asked us what we think would be better - I'd really like to hear your experience if you didn't mind sharing it.

The OP didn't ask where the acquaintance's son was in the league table though - she asked after him, which is completely different. The point is - why would the acquaintance even think to mention her son was on the G and T register, and why would she think that anyone was remotely interested. A how are you question is not a tell me all about yourself in great details question.

As LeQueen says - if someone specifically comments on your child's achievement, then it's fair enough to make a brief mention about it, but not a big long story about 'achievements' which are of no real interest to anyone else.

but some people genuinely are interested in how other people's children are - the nosey type!!! not all human beings are self-absorbed and only have concerns for their own DC, some people actually do like to know about other people's.

I know that I like to know about other people's DC, what they're doing, how things are at school, what they are good at, what they are having difficulties in etc. I'm in the minority in that I'm very nosey in nature and tend to like hearing about others.

g and t in primary is bolleaux

secondary waste of time too - what IS the point - 'oooh Henry is top for chemistry therefore .... would you like to go on a Shakespearean dance day?'

Someone told me there was no miney for g and t anymore so it was all by the by...

some people do make a dreadful furore about g and t imo

op YANBU - 'how is Timmy?' = polite conversation . Citing his CAT scores = helicopter parenting and sooo not good

That's fine - follow up the "how are you and your DC" with the specific questions then!