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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

annoying woman - would you tell an acquaintance this?

115 replies

Clary · 25/02/2010 10:05

Bumped into a mum I know - not really a friend tho I have known her a while - this am and asked after her DS who is now in yr 2.

"Oh he's doing really well - and he's on the G&T register! Yes, for reading and for ICT! blah blah blah" lots more info about prodigal DS.

I was a bit tho I said oh yes, he's such a good reader isn't he. I am certainly very abotu G&T in primary schools for a number of reasons; but even if I thought it was wonderful I don't think I'd randomly boast about it to a passing mum.

Would you?

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 27/02/2010 14:22

Never post on AIBU, Clary, you are setting yourself up! I wouldn't boast like that, but people will, and I suppose that you could say that it was perfectly reasonable because you asked the question!
I would take it with a pinch of salt. I was talking to some teachers the other day and there is one particular DC that all the parent's in the year group think is a child genius-this is because they have been listening to his mother for the last 3 years! He is a brightish DS (nothing more)- but nothing is going to dent his reputation now!

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 27/02/2010 14:26

"how are you?" is usually answered with, "fine thanks", unless actually no, I feel like death warmed up (so iwill say i have a cold), or someone is asking who might want more info. Iam very chatty, so never object to more long winded answers unless i am off somewhere!

bubbleymummy · 27/02/2010 19:40

ooh - I'm going to come from the mum's side and say why the hell shouldn't she be proud of her child you did ask after all.

I wonder is it G&T in relation to reading/writing etc that people are particlarly sensitive to. Children are talented in lots of different ways and I bet in most cases if someone told you their DS had won a medal in swimming/horse riding/ dancing or whatever you would probably say well done and think nothing of it. For some reason a child's ability to read and/or write ahead of his/her peers seems to bring out the competitiveness in most parents IME anyway.

Sorry - not directly having a go at you - i just mean parents in general...

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 27/02/2010 23:25

Yes, but most parents know that when someone says "how are you" it's not an invitation to bore that person with tales of your child's achievements!

bubbleymummy · 27/02/2010 23:27

Well Maisie the OP said she asked after the woman's son in particular so why wouldn't she say something about how he was getting on in school...

hippacrocadillypig · 27/02/2010 23:38

Changing the subject somewhat - is it usual practice for parents to be asked if their child should be on the G & T register? My DD is Y1 and we have just had a letter home asking if we think our child should be on it. Seems to defeat the object really - is it actually a PFB register?

foreverastudent · 28/02/2010 00:19

I hate it when people ask a question when they aren't interested in the answer. If you aren't interested in what she has to say then don't talk to her at all.

You are 2-faced IMO.

maristella · 28/02/2010 00:44

i'm with all the posters who say that if you aren't interested don't ask.
all that polite-but-don't-give-a-shit malarky is really boring.
when my dc has done something amazing, and i haven't had the opportunity to tell many people i will blurt out his achievements with pride
oh, but she has talked to other people about his achievements hasn't she? you know that because you and this other person have discussed her.....
dontcha just love the playground

Tortington · 28/02/2010 01:22

if my kid was on the G&T we would probably be talking gin and tonic - so i think in answer to the OP a resounding yes - i would tell everyone

piscesmoon · 28/02/2010 09:39

People ask to be polite! When people ask how you are they don't expect a run down on all your health problems! This is similar. 'He's doing really well at school' would be fine.

flamingtoaster · 28/02/2010 09:48

hippacrocadillypig some schools do ask parents if they feel their child should be on the G&T Register because the child may be underachieving at school for various reasons but showing their true level at home.

bluejeans · 28/02/2010 10:37

YABBU

Can't believe some of the posts on here

I'm with the previous poster who said they always think of G&T as Gin & Tonic - we don't haveit here in Scotland (or mambe we do but I've never needed to know about it )

LOL at PFB register

piscesmoon · 28/02/2010 10:53

Hopefully she will have grown out of it by the time he is a teenager-or she will have one embarrassed DS!

SpringHeeledJack · 28/02/2010 10:58

YANBU

it is just not done to blather on about g&t. Or SATs results!

being proud is one thing- showing off is quite another. And as piscesmoon said can be really embarassing for dcs

eggontoast · 28/02/2010 11:04

what is g and t register?

thumbwitch · 28/02/2010 12:01

eggontoast - Gifted and Talented.

Mind you, I don't know what ICT is so I'm a bit "blind leading the blind" here

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 28/02/2010 12:09

Yes, very glad we don't have this g and t in Scotland.

Asking after your child is again just being polite. Rather than boring an acquaintance with every small achievement you say "oh, he's good thanks" and leave it at that. Friends and family are the ones to bore, not an acquaintance at the school gate, esp. when it comes to where your child is in the class league table.

swanandduck · 28/02/2010 16:20

It seems like people can't win. If you ask how someone is, only really wanting to hear 'fine' you are being two faced and shouldn't have asked. No doubt, the same people would complain that people are rude because 'they never even asked after the children'.

bubbleymummy · 28/02/2010 16:53

Why is it bragging when it comes to G&T? Is it bragging when someone tells you little Jonny scored a goal at the weekend or little Jane is going to be a lead in the school play? I wouldn't think so at all but if your child just happens to be good at reading/writing/ICT you have to keep it to yourself in case you are seen to be bragging? Personally I would much rather hear a parent say lots of positive things about their child than negative things

piscesmoon · 28/02/2010 17:16

I don't think that you want to hear in detail about Jonny and his goals or Jane in the school play either. DCs are on the G & T register for sport, ballet, acting--a whole range of things.
A quick response and move on-ask the other person in return. If they then come back and ask you to tell more you know they were being more than polite.

ooosabeauta · 28/02/2010 17:46

I don't think YABU really, and it's probably not that she gave you too much information, it's just that she's immodest. I think you're maybe from the same camp as me, where you don't boast about yours or your child's achievements, and so sometimes people who do like to boast highlight their achievements often assume that you or your children have nothing to, ahem, 'highlight'. It's like they cheat a bit in your game of modesty. And then it's hard not to feel like you want to lower yourself to the same level, but you resist, and can't help but go away feeling like you've been looked down upon. Maybe I've thought about it too much, but there are a couple of people who leave me feeling like that.

On another point, sometimes children are put on G&T registers because they are genuinely G&T, sometimes just because they are hyper-keen and vocal in class, or confident, or have parents who enquire a lot and the teacher knows it would placate the parents. Although that's not how G&T should work, in practice that's how many teachers use it. It often gives the child opportunities to go off timetable and to a whole day or visit focussing on that particular subject, so it's good to have the parents children who are most chuffed about it involved.

prettyfly1 · 28/02/2010 18:05

yabvu and jealous - you asked you nutter - her kid is doing well and she is proud - how very dare she.

Jajas · 28/02/2010 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prettyfly1 · 28/02/2010 18:42

oh lord how very "british" - no dont express an opinion, dont praise your child, dont talk about yourself, dont say anything at all ever - even when asked - just in case the other person is only pretending to want to know - which of course they are as why would anyone care about you and your childs acheivements. #

BAH!

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 28/02/2010 18:49

Which is why I am very glad we don't have this G and T nonsense in Scotland...there are enough parents who feel it is their moral duty to bore you rigid with tales of how many lengths Johnny swam at the weekend, or what reading group Jane is in without also having to listen to yawnarama tales of how they are on the G and T register.

Perhaps it's because I'm a 40 year old battle weary mother of 3 that other people's children (apart from those of my close friends or relatives) really don't interest me to the extent that I care about how far they can swim, or what reading book they are on. I can't understand why any parent would actually think I do

So - for those of you who think "how is your DC" is an invitation to launch into a long winded explanation of everything that he/she has achieved in the last fortnight, it's not. It requires a quick, "fine thanks, and yours?"