to be considering a degree when my child is under 5?

[AliBean]

I want to train to be a midwife. I will have to do an access course as I haven't done any academic study within the last five years so if I start this course in September my DS will be 12 months and if I am lucky enough to get a place on the degree course straightaway then he will be 2 when this starts...
Mt Mother thinks I am mad and I should put it off until my DS is 5 and if I want any other children (I do) I should wait until they are 5 too...so potentially wait 8 years before I start studying.
Her opinion is that children under 5 need their mothers and I am being selfish to want to study while I have a small child. Her opinion is also coloured as she did a similar access to nursing course when I was a teenager (13 years ago) and she said it was extremely hard and she found juggling my sister and I with the workload very hard.
I think it is better for me to get cracking with the course so I am qualified by the time my DC are school age and can start earning to be able to support my family and take some of the burden from my DP who is quite alot older than me (47 to my 28) - I don't want him to feel he has to be the principle breadwinner into his 60's.
Am I being unreasonable and selfish?

i started my degree with 3 kids aged 5 and 3.

i don't know what a midwifery course entails - but with a regular degree, i chose my subjects ( modules) according to when they were, cramming the required modules into 3 days if i could. it was called a full time degree but for the most part i was only attending uni for 3 days.

that sounds really hard. i think a fabulous support system would need to be in place.

I've just completed my MSc-did it with 2 kids under 5, a f/t job, a business and a dh who is a non UK rsident (ie never here)
Hard, but not impossible.

One of the best things I ever did-and I got a distinction!

I had a total of 5 weeks study leave over 2 years to attend lectures-the rest i carmmed into evenings and holidays and w/ends.Lots and lots of reading in bed.

Kids in childminder after school until 5:15.

I gave up watching tv a good few years ago (and will never watch it again)

Yes, happily, so not too much of a commute (uni only 25 mins away) although i drive a lot in the day.

I'm not pretending it wasn't/isn't hard.
but I do enjoy what I do.

I work every night for a couple of hours when kids in bed.

Interesting reading this as I also want to be a MW and hadn't really considered getting started before all DC are in school - #3 is due late May and not writing off the idea of another, so similarly potentially 8yrs before I get started by which time 40 will be looming

I am currently 'preparing' for this career by doing a breastfeeding peer supporter course and learning Indian head massage, with a view to learning reflexology and maybe aromatherapy later as I really like alternative therapies when I'm pregnant

I think studying with such a young family will be very hard but not impossible, depending on your support networks.

Good luck

Not that it is in any way his decision, but what does your DP think? Because he will (quite rightly) have to pick up some of the slack and if he is going to moan and whinge and be a twunt, then you are going to struggle.

I was already doing part time LPC whilst working full time when I got pregnant. DS was 3 months old when I did my final exams, which was hard (for one exam - at the insistance of my tutor - I put in a mitigating circumstances form because I was nearly sick from tiredness in exam room; I didn't need it though and passed that exam not quite with flying colours, but I passed). It has also been hard doing my training contract as a mum of a toddler, but it has been a thousand times easier than it could have been because I have had total support from my husband and my mother.

I've got a 5 yr old and a 1 yr old and am doing a full time (full on!) masters degree. You will need childcare and a very supportive partner/family, but it is do-able.

Go for it!I started working towards my degree when DS1 was 18 months old and then found out I was pregnant with DS2 a couple of month later. I have just completed my diploma and my DS2 is now 3 hopefully I will have a BSc by the time DS2 start school at 5.

well, i think if you treat your degree like a job, no reason why not - some people have very demandng jobs & small children - why should a degree be any different?

and i hardly thnk wanting to be a MW is a sign of selfishness. Many more MWS needed!

go for it it is easier when they are younger just be disciplined with your time and it is achievable and not that stressful. I made it harder for myself by having ds during 2nd year of BA

You will need to be sure you can balance the needs of your child for an involved Mum, with your needs for time & space to study. If you have a lot of help from family & friends then you'll be able to do this, but look carefully at exactly what commitment the course will require from you.

I've wanted train to do midwifery for the last 15 years, but have delayed starting until I feel the children will be old enough to manage the massive shift in family expectations it will require of them. I'm working on being able to start in Sept 2012 - if I'm accepted that is! However we have no help at all, my husband works long & inflexible hours, plus he's not keen for me to work, so I will need to balance all these things when I do it (and I'm determined that I will).

Make sure you've thought it all through very carefully, but if you can work it so that everyone gets what they need, I'd say go for it.

Oh, by the way. I have a friend who's in her first year of the midwifery degree & she says that one of the things she's noticed about the girls on her course with young babies/ children is that they often haven't debriefed their birth experience(s) and as a consequence relate everything to their own personal experience which isn't always helpful or relevant. It might be worthwhile making sure you thoroughly debrief your birth experience before you start the course.

I think it's great to get a lot of opinions and it's great to hear how well some people are doing, getting their degrees and looking after small children - but I think what you need to remember is that the course you want to do is quite different to most of these others in that you have a lot of placement time - which is often a long way from home - you wont have the luxury of picking and choosing which placement to accept. Are you in a position to have someone care for your DS (and any subsequent children - if there are to be any) while you do this? It's a big ask. Will your Mum have your DS a lot for you, do you have others who can/will? Can your DH take enough time off of work for you to do this, does he want to?

Just be careful not to be pushed into thinking 'Everyone else seems to have managed, I'm sure I can' - without comparing apples with apples!

Oh, I so agree Chippingin - this isn't just any old degree, Midwifery is a lot more work and hours than most degree courses I know of. You won't get university holidays (the MW degree course near me get 7 weeks holiday over a year), and you'll be working a lot of different hours at different times so paid childcare will be hard to organise.

Plan it carefully, as Chipping says - compare apples with apples.

Good luck.

Rockinsockbunnies - I think I read about you!!!! My dad cut the article out of the newspaper to show me.
Were you doing medicine or something like that?

Had you asked me this last September I wouldn't have hesitated to yes go for it. But I have had a lot happen since then and although this wont happen to you, my advice would be to look at childcare and alternatives to your chosen childcare in case something goes wrong, find out the attendance requirement for the access course as children do get sick and you might have to miss a day or two I did.

It would be a good idea to maybe go and speak to the course tutor, i did this and my year tutor was amazing and really helped me when I did struggle. If you are determined enough though you will succeed so good luck

Hi and thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond to my thread and I apologise for not coming back sooner to say so - have had internet for a couple of days and it has taken until now to read all your responses.

I will take a little more time to digest what you have all said and bear your thoughts in mind whilst I plot for the future.

Unfortunatly there is far more to the decision than I made clear in my original post...the question of my DS's age seemed to be the easiest one to get considered opinion on and you have helped me unravel it.

I will have to think long and hard about this and will be back for more opinions from you all as I figure out what the questions need to be!

Go for it! I want to do a PhD and have an 8 month old baby. I'd start it now if I could afford it!

my ds1 was 2 when i went to do my degree( i was 23), full time uni course with full time work placement. now i have ds2 who is 3 and im doing a full time post grad certificate, 4 days work 1 day uni.

of course its hard work, but so worth it. im now a single mum but luckily as i did my degree when i did i can support my sons and myself and dont have to rely on anyone. best thing i ever did.

I have just applied to uni to do a similar degree (not midwifery) bur will require placements. My Dc's would be either 7,4,1 when I started or 8,5,2. I only have dp who is supportive and paid childcare which I would have to negotiate. I have no idea if it's logistically possible tbh but will wait and see if I am accepted.

Yanbu and if your mum and dp will be around to provide even a bit of the childcare that would be so much easier. Fwiw I have worked in hospitals (medical and maternity wards) and don't remember any students doing night shifts, so it's not inevitable in every trust/uni.

I am 28 too (and dp 47, how odd )