to be considering a degree when my child is under 5?

[AliBean]

I want to train to be a midwife. I will have to do an access course as I haven't done any academic study within the last five years so if I start this course in September my DS will be 12 months and if I am lucky enough to get a place on the degree course straightaway then he will be 2 when this starts...
Mt Mother thinks I am mad and I should put it off until my DS is 5 and if I want any other children (I do) I should wait until they are 5 too...so potentially wait 8 years before I start studying.
Her opinion is that children under 5 need their mothers and I am being selfish to want to study while I have a small child. Her opinion is also coloured as she did a similar access to nursing course when I was a teenager (13 years ago) and she said it was extremely hard and she found juggling my sister and I with the workload very hard.
I think it is better for me to get cracking with the course so I am qualified by the time my DC are school age and can start earning to be able to support my family and take some of the burden from my DP who is quite alot older than me (47 to my 28) - I don't want him to feel he has to be the principle breadwinner into his 60's.
Am I being unreasonable and selfish?

What are you going to do about childcare? Might your mum help you out>

i did my undergrad as a single mum, ds was 4-8, then my masters with a new dh! I'm now halfway through my phd, on maternity leave until april with dd who is 13 weeks, i find it easier than a 'proper' job as i decide when i study, the only fixed elements are meetings, training and the interviews i have to do...

Placements might be harder but with good childcare you should be ok, i have no family near so dh and i juggle it...

I was studying for my postgrad and combining it with running a business start-up when my eldest two were 5 and 3.

I would echo those who said it actually gets harder as they get older and make more demands on your time - that's when they'll notice you occupied elsewhere, not so much when they're little.

I did my degree part time and I started when youngest DS was 2 and the second DS wasn't even conceived. I was also working full time. Sure it wasn't easy but DH and parents supported me all the way.

It's your needs and wants that matter here not mums opinions. You are not getting any younger and not helping yourself if you delay by another 8 years.

If you are confident DH will support you get signed up and stop waiting for the future.

I'm doing exactly what you plan on doing, I'm just coming to the end of my first year on the access course (I've done it part time due to childcare), hoping to start midwifery at uni in September 2011. I have an almost 2 year old ds, and my dd is 6 weeks. It's been difficult so far, but I'm determined to do it. Go for it I say, & good luck!

I actually think that it would be harder once they are in school. I had decided to wait until school age as I want to be a nurse BUT my oldest started school last year and I have found that demands on my time are far greater from dropping off picking up etc than it would e to put her in nursery for full days. On days where I have had to arrange childcare for around school hours (I have no family etc so have to go to outside childcare places) it has been far harder to organize for her than for my two youngest children who are still nursery age.

I STILL want to train to be a nurse (wanted to do this since I was a child but for some reason listend to people who told me that a history degree would be better - uh no as it turns out) but the cost of two nursery places plus childcare for our of school hours is HUGE! so I am not sure what to do now when all three of them are in school how does it work for dropping off picking up etc - (they will all be at different schools, one in infant, two in juniors on totally different sites lol)

I wish I was more organized!

so long story but my opinion go for it - I feel like I have thrown it away by waiting so yes - go for it.

oh wait i forgot theres another one nowso that three nursery places then two in infants one is juniours and one in secondary i think lol.

You are not being selfish.

Unreasonable - well, that depends partly on what your DH thinks (as it will affect his life enormously too) and how much other support you have. The placements are hard work/impossible if you don't have a supportive and able to be around DH - it's no good if his heart is willing but his boss isn't!! Have you discussed how you feel about wanting to relieve him of the burden of being the sole provider...

Also, another thing I would be considering is that they are only little once, do you want to be studying so hard if you don't have to - but that is more about what you want than anything else - horses for courses and all that!

What it comes down to though, it's about what you and your DH decide - so long as the two of you agree what's best for your family and if you can get the support you need then it's up to you!

If you decide to go ahead - just say to your Mum - I am going to do this, it's so nice to have your support and help - I'm sure it will make it much easier

My best friend is a lone parent and studied nursing when her DD was a baby. She has since graduated so it can be done.

I think it really depends on the level of practical support you have. Can you DH/Mum/friends help with babysitting?

My friend lived with her mum and also had a very sympathetic childminder who was a star.

I think its a case of short term pain for long term gain and will benefit all of you in the long run if you can manage it all.

I am looking to return to studying but have decided to wait until my youngest is in school as we have no family support nearby and my DH works extremely long hours so doing it atm wouldnt be practical for us.

Go for it!! There is never a right time, so don't feel you need to wait. It does help though if your partner is supportive! Good luck!

I think it depends on how you feel about it. The course will be full on and long hours, placements etc. Like full time work AND the rest. It's whether you want your focus split between that and toddler/baby and whether you can cope with it. If you can, fantastic it will fit in really well timewise as you say - you can be earning when they're at school.

for me some people, that would have been a miserable hell, I wanted to be home with my child in their pre school years and that was a very very strong preference for me.

It's so individual I think you have to go with what feels right for you - just accept your mum may not be ever giving her 'blessing' to this as it's different to what she sees as right. Of course you don't need her blessing.

FWIW my mum waited until DBro and I were both in school before starting her training and for her it worked. She had the hours we were at school to study. It was also really good for us as kids to see her studying and we were really proud of her etc.

But you'll get as many experiences/views as there are people. You just have to go with what feels right to you and what you believe is right for your child/ren.

I did something very similar. I'm currently finishing a degree. dc1 will be nearly 7yo and dc2 5yo when I will graduate (so they were 4yo and 2yo when I started).

Your mum is right, it is HARD. It got better last year when one dc was in school full time and one at nursery and even better thisa year as they are both at school full time. The first year when dc1 was still in nursery and dc2 was with me all day was the hardest.And it has some impact on family (eg all the teaching in my course was over the week end so I haven't been with my dcs every other we for the last 3 years or so).

BUT it's not much different than someone who is working weekends (catering industry, tourism, midwife?). Nor would it be different than working full time for you. Nor is it more difficult than doing an OU course and carrying on working full time (did that too before dc)

If you think that it will be a big bonus for you and your family in the long run, then go for it

I'm doing law with the Open University and I have 3 dc's 10, 9 and 3.
It's not the easiest thing in the world to juggle everything, but it's certainly not the hardest and actually I wish I had done it when the dc's were a bit younger, as I would be finished by now!

The younger they are they sleep more and go to bed earlier, but they are also more demanding on you during the day when they are awake.
The older they are, they are at school all day and are not so tiring to look after, but as they get older I think they need a lot more in terms of spending time with them, talking to them etc and they don't go to sleep til later, so you can't really sit down until later on in the evening.

There are pro's and con's for every age group and if you look hard enough you'll find an excuse why it's not a good idea to do it. But if it's soomething you really want to do then do it!!
The next 5-10 years will go by anyway and you'll kick yourself for not doing it.

A bit of organisation and you'll be fine. Good Luck!!

I started my MSc while working full time and DD was 2. I got a distinction. My neighbour took a year off in the middle of her degree to have her daughter and is now about to graduate (she went down the Access route too). Lots and lots of men do degrees while they have small children, why should it be any different for you?

As long as you have good support in place and feel you can cope with it, then go for it. Every year you put it off is a year further from graduating and a year less income.

You should do what you feel you need to do. I am doing an LLB and have a toddler dd and to be honest it is more of an issue fitting things in round my older ds' activities, than dd.

It is hard at times especially if there's a big essay/exam whatever, but as parents we're used to late nights and crap sleep anyway...

I am lucky in that I have a lot of support from dh and my mum and dad, but if you really want something you can usually make it work. You'll never know if you don't try. I regret not getting my arse into gear earlier!

Good luck!

I did my degree part time while holding down a part time job[teaching].Dd was 13 months and ds 5 when I started-my dh helped out a lot,no one suffered and I was able to be bread-winner when he was eventuallu disabled by MS.You need strong support but you go for it.

I think it would be fine for you to start now.

My daughter is three and i'm in the 2nd year of p/t university degree course. I work full time as well and mum and my MIL look after my daughter.

I get my coursework done at work by staying back later or at home when my daughter is asleep.

I think you'll be fine.

HTH and good luck

AliBean...Go for it!! I'm halfway through my Master's...DCs are 3 and 2. I also want to be able to contribute financially when they go to school, and this was the right time to do it. Kids are fine...think it's neat that Mummy's in school, and though it's sometimes hard when I have coursework deadlines, DH and family are so incredibly supportive, so I've got help.

I am so glad to be doing it now while they're young!

Good luck!

I wouldn't wait until child is aged 5 on the basis that small children need their mothers. Older children need their mothers too; in fact, you could argue that in some ways they need them more. If mothers weren't expert jugglers, nothing would ever get done. Go for it!

I did my undergraduate degree as a single mother at Oxford. I started when DD was sixteen months (and it made the national papers ). Go for it. It'll be hard work but definitely not impossible.

Agree with others that it's harder once children are at school, as you have shorter days, less flexible pick-ups and holidays to contend with, plus INSET days etc and school concerts at random times that the DC will want you to be there for...

I've been doing an MA part-time with placements as it's vocational. It's been very tough but do-able. It's the placements that are difficult and cause childcare issues as you don't know from one to the next where they'll be and exactly how many hours childcare you need.

Also getting academic work done is far harder when the kids are at school in some ways as they don't go to bed as early so the evening is shorter, they have homework that needs supervising and if your deadlines fall in school holidays you have to be super-organised to get stuff finished early. Much easier when they are at nursery to juggle it all!

Dependi g on your course and on your income you can get up to 85% of the childcare paid for (midwifery, for example has excellent chilcare grants). In my case (medicine) DH's earnings place us above the threshold so he pays for the childcare and I have taken extra money from the mortgage to pay my own expenses. Then, when I start earning again he will take a career break to study animation and I will support him.

Forgot to say that, by the by, childcare is not that much cheaper once they start school. DD's nursery was £26 day (taking nursery vouchers into account); her wraparound school club plus a school dinner is £13 day.