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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp has been told that work want him to go away overnight a couple of day's before I am due to give birth to dc3

70 replies

bogie · 23/02/2010 20:52

His work have said they need him to go away for a piss up meeting 3 days before my due date.

I have very very sevre spd and I can't even stand up for more than a few min's without my back giving up completly, and there is no way on earth I can carry/pick up the kids as I just end up in a heap. I don't drive so I can't take dc's to nursery. My mum is a full time carer for my as/diabetic brother so isn't really able to help in a big way.

Dp thinks I am over reacting but I really think he should say no and let someone else go.
Our dc's are 4 and 18 months, I keep having very strong bh atm and I was the same with dd and she came 9 days early.

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 23/02/2010 20:56

YANBU. Of course he should stay home. Even without the SPD and even if it was your first baby, he should be staying home to look after you. that he would even consider this!

Pozzled · 23/02/2010 20:57

Your DP thinks you are over-reacting?? How far would he be going, and how quickly could he get back home? Do you have anyone else nearby who could take the DCs to nursery, or who could step in if you went into labour while DH was away? If not, then he is BVU.

FromGirders · 23/02/2010 21:00

Partners / husbands should be on call from at least three weeks before the due date. By that i mean not drinking, mobile on, able to get to you in a very short space of time.
I suppose your dp could go away overnight if it was very close at hand, he promised not to drink and keep mobile charged and on constantly. But i think he should definitely say no, he's not available at that time. It's fairly likely you'll be in labour at that time - what's he going to do, say "gotta go, love" and walk out of the labour suite? Nope, he should not be going.

thesecondcoming · 23/02/2010 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bogie · 23/02/2010 21:02

He would be 2 hours away (and more than likely pissed up by about 6-7pm so not able to drive anyway), I was in labour with ds for 4 hours and with dd for 2 so that worries me.
He said oh but Mil will help you not the birthing partner I had in mind...
No one to take dc's to nursery either.

OP posts:
DwayneDibbley · 23/02/2010 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

chipmonkey · 23/02/2010 21:06

Your MIL will help you! Does he get his Mum to do everything for him? That is seriously not on!

Firawla · 23/02/2010 21:06

yadnbu!

MadamDeathstare · 23/02/2010 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PotPourri · 23/02/2010 21:08

Tell him that he is not going. Seriously, he is being an idiot about this!

clam · 23/02/2010 21:19

He was there to help get that baby in, he can jolly well commit to being there to help get it out.

clam · 23/02/2010 21:22

Seriously, has he actually told them your situation? Or is there just mention in the office of this meeting with no one caring putting two and two together about your dates?

PfftTheMagicDragon · 23/02/2010 21:24

Have you asked him how he will feel about not being there for the birth of his child? Is he bothered that he might miss it, because if he isn't I'm not sure you can argue with him. Which is sad.

SirBoobAlot · 23/02/2010 21:32

TBH I think your DP is acting like a selfish arse. Even if its not important to him to be there, it would put you in a horribly difficult (and scary) position. DP went away for a weekend when I was 30 weeks and that was worrying enough. I think you really need to stress to him everything you've mentioned here.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and the birth - SPD is a horrible thing.

Lucyellensmumma · 23/02/2010 21:48

bogie's DH, for example, is a twat

RoseWater · 23/02/2010 21:57

This goes against the grain a bit but when I was pregnant with DC2, DH was a lorry driver and had a daily run that took him 150 miles from home - there's no way he could have said to his bosses that he wasn't able to travel for a couple of weeks before the birth without getting the sack from his crappy employers.

However, he wasn't drinking so if he'd had to, then he could have turned round and come back.

If work are being really difficult about it and saying he has to go then I would be tempted to get him to ring in on the day to say he thought your labour was starting so was taking you to hospital

weasle · 23/02/2010 22:17

YANBU. 3 days before EDD?! No way!

Your Dh sounds a bit like mine. He wants to go to a conference overseas 2 weeks after my due date for dc3. I have told him this is totally unacceptable and i am outraged he is asking to do it, but he can't see how hard it will be.

He also uses the 'ask my mum to come and help' line (his mum, not mine) when he wants to go away for work

notsohotchic · 23/02/2010 22:34

YADNBU!
My charming ex missed his 3rd childs birth going to watch football in Istanbul 2 weeks before due date. He regretted that. So much that he blamed me! (We separated, says it all! and to be honest, things had got so bad I didn't want him there anyway!)
If you want him at the birth, don't let him go.

PrettyCandles · 23/02/2010 22:38

YANBU! I'm shocked that he's even considering going away around your due-date, regardless of all the complications of your situation.

As they say - he needs to grow some and refuse to go.

butadream · 23/02/2010 22:47

Tell him if he goes you need to hire a helper - which is true. Bet he would rather stay at home than do that anyway. He is being bonkers, it's your third child and you have a history of being early and are already having strong Braxtons ... this baby is going to come before his trip and then what is he going to do, surely he would take paternity leave and not go?

BrahmsThirdRacket · 23/02/2010 23:29

YANBU it's the least he can do, for fuck's sake. DP has an old back injury, and when it flares up it is bad. I would never considering leaving him in pain when he might need my help just to go to a work bash. And then there's the potential of missing the birth of his child, which could happen in a matter of hours. He needs to man up.

Spidermama · 23/02/2010 23:32

YA absolutely NBU. He's being very selfish and leaving you in the lurch at a time when you and the kids need him most.

Perhaps you ought to show him this thread.

Original poster
bogie · 24/02/2010 08:49

I will show him the thread, I also thought about this more last night and Dp work's for a popular holiday village company (that is currently advertising on MN) and his phone will not work while he is there so I would have no chance of getting hold of him unless he goes to an on site office and rings me.
Also it is the date of my brothers 18th birthday and only me, dp, the kids and my mum will be celebrating it with him so if dp isn't there it will just be the 4 of us My brother really loves dpand would be upset if he wasn't with us.

OP posts:
mrspoppins · 24/02/2010 09:05

My goodness...what is he thinking?
What are his plans if you give birth slightly early before he goes? Will he stay with you then? I would hope so.

He is simply being thoughtless and doesn't realise how difficult you are finding things. Some men simply can't empathise.

I hope you reach the best solution and if he does stay, you won't then have a sulker on your hands or be blamed when you are 2 weeks late!

JackSpratt · 24/02/2010 09:10

Meh

He's only two hours away.

Worst comes to the worst he jumps in a taxi.

Dh was at a meeting in Bristol when my waters broke (a week overdue) and got back to London in about an hour and a half.

Arrived with 10 mins to spare .

I he hadn't made it I'd still have a baybee.

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