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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dp has been told that work want him to go away overnight a couple of day's before I am due to give birth to dc3

70 replies

bogie · 23/02/2010 20:52

His work have said they need him to go away for a piss up meeting 3 days before my due date.

I have very very sevre spd and I can't even stand up for more than a few min's without my back giving up completly, and there is no way on earth I can carry/pick up the kids as I just end up in a heap. I don't drive so I can't take dc's to nursery. My mum is a full time carer for my as/diabetic brother so isn't really able to help in a big way.

Dp thinks I am over reacting but I really think he should say no and let someone else go.
Our dc's are 4 and 18 months, I keep having very strong bh atm and I was the same with dd and she came 9 days early.

OP posts:

Lucyellensmumma · 24/02/2010 09:13

Jack, did you not read that the OP is practically crippled by SPD? and is likely to go into quick labour anyway? Has two other children to think about?

Meh? what is with Meh? my teenage daughter is saying this all the time on facebook - i dont get it

JackSpratt · 24/02/2010 09:15

If you're in labour people will help

A girl i'd only just started having coffee mornings drove me to the hospital (and nearly ended up being my birth partner. Other friend took ds. If you're huffing and puffing its amazing how helpful people will be.

I'm sure a neighbour of friend could take your dc to nursery.

And tell your dh to let the main office know where he is so you can ring them if his mobile doesn't work.

JackSpratt · 24/02/2010 09:16

yy I read it.

tobago04 · 24/02/2010 09:18

Jack,She's also said that he'll probably have no reception and get pissed up making it likely that she wont be able to get hold of him,also her last labour was only two hours,and why should he only be around for the birth?

sarah293 · 24/02/2010 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 24/02/2010 09:27

I'd show him this thread so he can read my comment: he's being a selfish wanker.

GypsyMoth · 24/02/2010 09:35

why no reception for his phone?? thats rarely the case these days....

what does he want to do? has he said he's going anyway,or is it left in the air for now?

has he even tried to speak with the bosses yet?

LilyLovesSid · 24/02/2010 09:38

You are about as far away from being unreasonable as you can get!

I had severe SPD with DD2, and DD1 was only 17mo at the time. If my DP had even suggested buggering off on a jolly three days before I was due (especially if you have history of being early) then I would kick right off.

JackSpratt - I'm glad you were happy to have a virtual stranger nearly be your birth partner. I wouldn't have been. Plus, if you've never been crippled by pain, had two young kids to sort out and be due to give birth, then I don't think you are qualified to say 'meh' at the OP.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/02/2010 09:41

Jack - your attitude is bizarre. Why should the OP be left worrying about having to rely on the kindness of neighbours and other random people, when the person whose responsibility it is to be around to help and support has just swanned off?

Heaven forbid that we should actually expect anything of our husbands!

PfftTheMagicDragon · 24/02/2010 09:42

TBB - I get no reception at Center Parcs - I assume the OP is talking about somewhere like that.

It is one thing if it is a work thing that he cannot get out of, if he genuinely cant. Suspect that this is not the case here. But for him to be just getting pissed, without a care in the world, about his wife at home with a crippling condition, two children and about to go into labour.

Well....I think that says more about him than anything else could tbh.

kitcat1977 · 24/02/2010 09:44

And JS, what happens to your half arsed plan when bogie goes into labour at night, when the office is shut and her coffee morning buddies are abed? Nonsense!

Original poster

bogie · 24/02/2010 09:45

TBB - it is a holiday village in a forest his phone doesn't work when he is there (not many phones do tbh). He wants to go but I do think that after me kicking off last night telling him that he was a wanker he has realized that I am dead serious that he can't go.
He hasn't said any more about it and didn't give me any anwsers last night either so I am not sure what his thinking is atm..... I do think I will give birth before then I can't see me making it past the weekend.

OP posts:

jennymac · 24/02/2010 09:49

I can't believe he is seriously considering going away at this stage to get drunk! Is he normally this insensitive and selfish, or is this a one-off?

edam · 24/02/2010 09:51

Your dh is a twonk. I'd like to see how HE'D cope if he was temporarily disabled and you swanned off leaving him with the kids. Doubt he'd be very impressed. And that's even without taking childbirth into consideration!

No-one is indispensible at work - his company would manage if he was off sick, or (God forbid) went under a bus.

dinkystinky · 24/02/2010 09:56

He is being totally unreasonable. But if he wants to go and get pissed, I'd suggest he pay for a doula to help you with the birth so MIL can look after your two kids and you can give birth with someone you're comfortable with giving birth around. Alternatively do you have friends nearby who could be birth partners you'd feel happy with?

giddly · 24/02/2010 10:05

If he really has to go could he just go for the daytime work bit and come back before the evening drinking? Then go back for the next day. Not at all ideal given your quick labours, and he'd have to arrange help for you during the day but might be a compromise (and also give you a clearer impression on whether he feels he really NEEDS to be there for the work part of the meeting, or WANTS to be there for the drinking.

GypsyMoth · 24/02/2010 10:06

well you could hire a pager and tell him to lay off the alcohol?

i wouldnt be happy but then again father of my dc would never consider this in first place....is he not bothered/concerned?

allaboutme · 24/02/2010 10:50

IF he had a way of being contactable and he HAD to go for his job, plus of course agreed not to drink at all in case he needed to rush back then I would say its fine for him to go.

As it sounds like he hasnt thought of any of those things and isnt really bothered about being there for the birth of his child or more importantly being there for YOU.... He is a complete cock.

scaryteacher · 24/02/2010 11:29

Have to agree with Jack - I had SPD, family 3.5 hours away and dh at sea. Baby was early, phoned friend who was on standby and she came and drove me to hospital, held my hand and was there throughout. My mum made it down in time to see ds born as well. Admittedly, I didn't have other dcs, but did have 3 elderly cats who who needed feeding etc.

However, I was aware that dh would be at sea in all probability and had made plans accordingly if he was.

LilyLovesSid · 24/02/2010 11:46

scaryteacher - that really isn't the same situation is it? I mean, three cats? Please tell me you are not seriously comparing looking after two young children with having pets?

And by your own admission you were aware that your DH would be at sea, which I am assuming is an essential part of his job. Not just going on a meeting/pissup that is non-essential. Your situation really is entirely different.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 24/02/2010 11:49

scaryteacher that is completely different!

porcamiseria · 24/02/2010 12:03

can we stop automatically slagging off the DH!?

Maybe his work has had a load of redundancies, maybe the pressure is on, maybe he has 20 year olds snipping at his heels. he has a family to support, and one on the way

I know that in most companies work is #1, family #2

OP, having said that YANBU to not want him to travel, in any way. Can he get out of it, and if not, do you have local cover?

In my experience babies tend to get they are not welcome ands come at right time anyway, but a stress you DONT need

good luck, bit I think going in guns blazing calling him an inconsiderate wanker might not help!!!

OTTMummA · 24/02/2010 12:26

if my DH even suggested this to me, he would be on the sofa for the next month and i would be expecting a big sorry and gift!

Lucyellensmumma · 24/02/2010 12:28

lmao at i didnt have any other kids to deal with but i did have three elderly cats who needed feeding!!! classic

it sounds like the DH has seen sense - it is of course not advisable for him to be so far away - doesn't he WANT to be at the birth of his child? My DP would have been devestated if he missed the birth of DD, i know it happens but he would have moved heaven and earth to be there. A relative or friend just isn't the same as your life partner.

He is probably not selfish to be fair, he is probably one of those idiotsmen who think everything will go his way and you will go into labour on a saturday afternoon and by home in time for strictly come dancing

givecarrotsachance · 24/02/2010 12:36

"If you're in labour people will help" says Jack - hmm, people, but not the DP?

If it genuinely is a problem with work being completely unreasonable, consider getting him to start paternity leave before you give birth - they can't do anything about that. It's not ideal but if it's the only way (although it sounds like he just wants to go, which frankly is bizarre).

If it were mine - well it wouldn't be because mine is as keen to have this child I'm currently pregnant with as I am, and it's HIS birth as well as mine. Even my ex husband was there at the birth of his son and he'd wanted him to be aborted.

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