parenting pet peeves...

[bubbleymummy]

I know I'm going to get flamed for this but I just don't care - I have to vent somewhere after a weekend of smiling and nodding and keeping my mouth shut!

Here is a list of 'parenting' traits that I absolutely hate!

Giving babies sugar - dessert/pudding/biscuits/cake - they do not need it - they are not missing anything and they are the reason that your child is already overweight!

Shovelling food into tiny babies, scooping it up and shoving it back in when the baby's tongue pushes it out while discussing the baby's excema, constipation, tummy upsets etc

Giving toddlers fizzy drinks such as Coke and letting them run madly around before screaming at them and complaining about how badly behaved they are.

Giving children calpol because it's been a 'long day' or because they have a slight sniffle or even a hint of a temperature or just because 'they like the taste'!.

controlled crying / cry it out - I hate this at any stage but I DESPISE it in children under 6 months. I don't care if your child has been sleeping through since 5 weeks - it is bloody cruel!

and breathe....

Ok feel free to flame me or alternatively add your own pet peeves!

Disclaimer : I by no means consider myself to be a perfect parent and I could fill several threads with my own parenting flaws.

bubbleymum

Where on earth have I said anything about soothing for ages/crooning for hours? Mine only take a few mins max - even less in the middle of the night. I don't think you need an algorithm to see when your child is tired - unless you require rules rather than common sense for everything? I think once you figure out what your child wants/needs you can settle them pretty quick - without leaving them to cry themselves to sleep.

My DS2 's sleep started to go haywire at 8 months (teething), and by 14 months what he wanted (not, IMO, needed) was exactly that - for me to soothe and croon for up to 1.5 hours. So I did CC for 3 days. I totally agree with minxofmancunia

Children also need parents who are not basket cases/resentful through lack of sleep. Siblings need to not be woken in the night.

agree with Le Queen, Jamie, Minx et al re sleep. BubbleyMummy, a 2 year old only sleeping 7 hours a night is seriously sleep deprived. If co-sleeping actually works for you and your child then great, but for some babies it can actually hinder their sleep - my own for example.
She slept appallingly until 6 months - a mixture of in a cot by my bed and in my bed when I was feeding her - was miserable all the time and so was I.
6 months - in her own room, we were prepared to start CC that night but she actually slept through on her own and has never looked back. Aged 3 she happily sleeps for 12 hours (and gave up her nap of her own accord before she was 2). She is rested and happy and so are we.
Sorry to rant but what would you do if you needed a babysitter or to take your child to grandparents or whatever - expect them to sit up in the night with your child? Utterly selfish and doing your child no favours. I am happy to have a daughter who sleeps brilliantly and is confident and independent - although of course if she calls for me or cries in the night i will attend to her, I would never neglect her.
In contrast, i know a woman who sleeps on her son's bedroom floor every night and he is 4 years old. Because she couldn't ever bear to leave him to sleep on his own. And now he can't sleep.
Sorry - my longest ever post and rant on mumsnet but I abhor this sanctimonious rubbish about co-sleeping being good for everybody.

DS slept about 10-12 hours a night but he would wake once during the night at least until he was 2. Not sure where I said he only slept 7 - think i said 7 hours straight meaning that he woke up at least once during the night. This didn't mean he woke up and started running around the room or anything. He just didn't sleep straight through - sometimes he would go back to sleep by himself, sometimes he needed a cuddle or a pat just to reassure him or he needed a drink but he was NEVER left to cry by himself.

LeQueen, DS is not even 4 yet and we don't need to lie beside him to go to sleep so no problem with sleepovers etc. He doesn't need us anymore at night (except if he has a bad dream) but the point is that we were there when he DID need us and we didn't ignore him.

Seriously guys - where have i said that I sit up all night with DS?

He would go to bed for anyone and he is fine but I would always make sure that person listened out for him and went to him if he woke - would you just leave your children crying in someone else's unfamiliar house? Some very strange ideas on here about what is 'normal'.

Oh I do love a good judge , makes me feel just a little bit better about myself for a bit.

My pet peeves are:

1. Parents who care too much about what their children wear. My child often looks like a bit of a ragamuffin, we can't afford nice Boden or even Gap/Next clothes, and yes she is often dressed in garish pink, and more recently character clothing. It used to bother me, but I have now decided that it is ridiculous to care so much that my 2 year old is turned out nicely, she isn't going to a fashion show, or trying to attract a partner, and if she really likes the Dora t-shirt why not let her wear it. I'd rather she grew up not thinking that she should be valued by the clothes she wears and I have more important things to spend my money on than a scrap of material for £20.

1. Militant 'sharers', if your/my child is playing happily with a toy why should they have to give it up just because some other child decided it wants it (especially if it is their own or a communal toy and there are plenty of others around), when they are toddlers they just don't get it so there is no point in trying to badger them into sharing.

1. The Anti-fussy brigade. I can't force fed my DD food so really what should I have done differently? We have no idea how these things taste to them so cut fussy eaters and their parents a bit of slack, just because you got lucky with yours.

1. Strict feeding routines, especially under 6 months. The poor kid is starving and screaming, does it matter if you feed it 7 minutes early?

1. As for the chocolate/sweet thing, I was funny about it till about 1 year then allowed chocolate occasionally, by 2 I had given up worrying and have even been known to use chocolate buttons as a bribe. There is a happy medium to be had. Funnily enough my DD prefers crisps to anything else, and while I have no problem giving her the Goodies Organix ones I am a bit itchy about her having too many 'adult' crisps, though less worried about chocolate and biscuits

We all have our foibles hey?

bubbleymummy - controlled crying is not the same as leaving a child to cry.

You go into the room, calm them down to let them know you are there and they are OK, then you go back in again if they start to cry - it's simply that you don't go in straight away the second time and subsequently. (you increase the time-lapse by 2 minutes, then 5, then 7 minutes etc)

thesecondcoming - I agree that sounds like an awful situation to be in and needs to be addressed. It does not mean - and this is the only point I'm trying to make - that CC is the ONLY answer to their problem.

Are you all only insisting that it is because you need to justify using it to yourselves? There are other methods that work - try them and see. It may take longer than your beloved CC but at least give it a decent attempt before you start talking about rods for backs and being up half the night!

Yes Jamie I am aware of that - LEQueen seems to think that the CIO method that her friend used on her 5 month old is acceptable - i disagree.

I don't agree with CC either esp under 6 months.

AND Controlled crying is not the same as "Crying it out". And it's not the same as "ignoring".

sleeping 7 hours straight at 5 months is pretty unusual in a natural situation (ie where the baby hasn't been left to cry itself to sleep) Most babies that age will still wake for a night feed - it is an important development stage and usually they have a growth spurt around this time.

bubbley - I have 2 DSs. I did not use CC with DS1 because other methods worked. I used it with DS2, after around 6 months of trying other things.

I thought long and hard about it.

Are you all only insisting that it is because you need to justify using it to yourselves?

No, thankyou very much. It was the right thing for me and my family, at that time.

Am beginning to sound arsey, so will bow out now.......

CIO - ignoring until baby goes to sleep
CC - ignoring for intervals until baby goes to sleep.

Both involve leaving the baby to cry

I will make this clear as trained in child psychology - now I do have a qualification Lequeen and im a mum (and im butting in) lol.

I feel that co-sleeping should be at the parents discretion. it does not hurt for a baby or child to be in bed with mum and dad or in some cases 'just mum' as dads been told to sod off nor will it have an affect if baby is in a cot wither beside mum/dad or in another room. Whatever works best for your family is what you do.

I am also an early yrs trained prof which means I have given plenty of advice about sleeping and other stuff to desperate mums and dads and I dont see how someone can just say to another mum - co-sleep, dont do controlled crying - dont co-slepp, you have to do controlled crying... there is numerous amounts of ways in which you can get a baby and child to sleep without either sleeping with them or letting them cry it out. Which ever method you feel is best for your child and family is the one you use.

my dd was in her own crib from birth, breastfed - me and DP needed the space. I hate not been able to roll over throughout the night. dd then got to 3 months, we trued her in her own room, didnt work, tried agin at 9 months when we moved house, she slept 12 hrs a night straight - pure bliss then went through a growth spurt and woke 3-4 times a night again around 12-13 months. Rocked her back to sleep, soothed her. AT 15 months moved house again and she was sleeping for 12hrs again. had a car crash, she started waking 4-10 times a night...tried co-sleeping -though she wouls sleep longer, she would also be very clingy throughout the day as she was getting so much attention from me. AT 20 months I resorted to CC and now she sleeps 12hrs without fail. It took two weeks (and we were also elliminating the dummy at this point too - why not kill 2 birds with one stone) and she is a brill sleeper now. And a very happy little girl.

Thank you Chellesgirl - all i have been trying to say is that CC is not the only solution but unfortunately many people seem to think that it is unless you are resigning yourself to years of sleepless nights etc. When you resorted to CC your daughter was 20 months old, not 5 months old, so she would at least have had a better awareness of you being just outside the door/downstairs etc as you were going in and out to check on her.

eh?

hahahah thecon yes its totally true.

Im not on anyone particular side on this bubbley I am equally sided with all mums and how they get thier children to sleep...as long as they dont use medicine and alc to do it