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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my so called friend is being quite rude to me?

65 replies

mampam · 20/02/2010 18:44

It's really hacking me off because I think my friend is incredibly rude. Here are some of the things she has said/done:

When telling her that DH's hours had been halved at work and that we were up financial shit creek she replies....."the first thing you want to do is sell some of that crap you've got in your garage".

When turning up unexpectedly for lunch, I offer her a sandwich and a packet of crisps..."I only ever eat crap when I'm at your house".

I invited her DC's over for my DS's birthday tea and her 2 year old gets down from the table with an ice-cream cone and start roaming around my living room and climbing on my sofa's with it. I tell him to come and sit at the table with the ice-cream about 3 times to which he says "NO". Friend says..... "he's usually quite good with things like that". WTF?

I used to pass on DS's clothes to her as her eldest DS is 5 months younger. One particular time I gave her a big bagful and she proceeded to pick through it, making faces and holding things up saying..."what the hell is that?" I've never passed anything on since.

We got a rescue cat who is a bit shy and generally a bit of a nutcase she says...."you always get pets with something wrong with them". We've got a rabbit and a guinea pig but nothing 'wrong' with them to my knowledge.

For my 30th birthday she bought me some cream to rub on my belly to stop itching (I'm currently pg) saying..."I was going to buy you some Bio-Oil but I didn't think there was any point as you've already got stretch marks".

Once when at my house she was getting her DC's coats and shoes on ready to leave when my exH arrived to pick up the children. Was out in the hallway sorting DC's out and seeing them off, when I returned to the living room friends DC's were eating yoghurts, friend says...."oh I just helped myself to a couple of yoghurts from your fridge for the boys". I felt like screaming "you're on your way out the door FFS, surely they can wait 15 minutes til they get home"

The list goes on but I'd be here all day. Do you think this is rude or is it just my PG hormones?

OP posts:
BrahmsThirdRacket · 20/02/2010 18:46

Er YANBU she sounds like a cow. Don't bother seeing her anymore

Alambil · 20/02/2010 18:46

She's barking... drop her

FairyLightsForever · 20/02/2010 18:47

I agree with the others, she's not really a friend is she?

Eglu · 20/02/2010 18:47

YANBU dump her. What a bitch.

JaynieB · 20/02/2010 18:49

She sounds awful. What do you like about her?

Coldhands · 20/02/2010 18:50

I was all the way through reading that! If this is how she treats her friends, I would hate to see to see how she behaves to someone she doesn't like.

YANBU, dump her!

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 20/02/2010 18:51

Why is she your friend?

Why do you put up with her?

What benefit is there to you being her friend?

Is there anything nice about her?

JaneS · 20/02/2010 18:51

A couple of those comments are fine but most are

Taking yoghurts from the fridge - now that really is something! Do you think she has any idea of how rude she's being?

twotimes · 20/02/2010 18:53

Why is she your friend. You are being unreasonable because you should have either dumped her or told her to quit being a bitch ages ago.

Mumcentreplus · 20/02/2010 18:54

what do you like about her?..because she sounds like an arse!

LaurieFairyCake · 20/02/2010 18:54

If this was my closest friend then it would be ok as we're normally a bit joky/rude with each other. And its balanced out by how fabulous she is the other 97% of the time.

The yogurt thing for example would be perfectly normal with a really close friend of mine - you know, that thing where you just can't be bothered to have an argument with your kids when they ask for something and you go with what's easiest, knowing your friend won't mind as she does it in your house.

If she's just a bit of a casual friend then I would find it quite rude.

Original poster
mampam · 20/02/2010 18:55

God this is going to sound like DH and I are a proper pair of saddo's but so called friend and her DH are pretty much our only friends. We do have other friends but we're not really close to them and see them once in a blue moon.

I've known friend for about 15 years and I'm her eldest DS's godmother. Suppose I feel obliged to be friends with her.

Have tried to distance myself from her lately but it doesn't seem to be working really.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 20/02/2010 19:05

Have you ever pulled her up at the time about any of this rudeness? And if not, why not? The first few times I could believe she aught you by surprise, but surely not any more ...

Mumcentreplus · 20/02/2010 19:05

Yes Laurie I also have good friends who can get away with major rudeness/jokes and its returned...its totally about how your relationship is..are you close?

LaurieFairyCake · 20/02/2010 19:09

Go with your gut - if you're trying to distance yourself from her already then it sounds like you're not too keen on her (or are that close to her).

TubbyDuffs · 20/02/2010 19:09

Bloody hell I thought I was blunt!

I would just give her a taste of her own medicine and give as good as I get tbh. If she can't take it, her problem.

I have close friends who I can talk like this to, if I wanted to, but I don't because its rude and I want to keep them as friends! There is a world of difference between banter and rudeness.

Original poster
mampam · 20/02/2010 19:10

Can't really think of any good points about her right now, maybe just because I'm feeling a little pissed off at her at the moment.

Just feel like all she does is critise me and my home. I popped over to see her for the first time in months last week (was the first time I'd been anywhere for weeks as I'm pretty much housebound right now due to SPD)and the first thing she says to me is.."that heel on those boots won't do you any good" my boots are actually flat!!

Once when we had her and her DH around for a meal. DH and I had spent the whole day giving the house a good clean and tidy because she always critises something and even snoops around in our bedrooms and comments if there slightly untidy. When she arrived she commented on how tidy our house was (I don't know why because it's usually tidy anyway). I'd put out my new towels in the bathroom. When she came back from the loo she says.."you're supposed to wash new towels before you put them out". DH and I just looked at each other as if to say "there had to be something she could find fault with".

OP posts:
Coldhands · 20/02/2010 19:10

You should pull her up on it. Next time she makes one of her comments, say outright "why are you being so rude?" Should shut her up!

Original poster
mampam · 20/02/2010 19:13

It doesn't feel like just 'banter' tbh.

What sort of thing could I say back to her?

OP posts:
M1SSUNDERSTOOD · 20/02/2010 19:21

Someone wise once advised to say "I find that remark really offensive. Would you repeat it to make sure I heard right?" . Makes people think twice.

TubbyDuffs · 20/02/2010 19:21

I agree with Coldhands, just outright ask "why are you being so rude?".

You have listed several occasions when she has been rude to you, so if she doesn't think she is being rude, you can enlighten her.

She sounds more like an overbearing mother than a friend.

letsblowthistacostand · 20/02/2010 19:22

I've had 'friends' like this. I don't see them anymore--as DH says, life's too short for difficult people.

For all those little helpful comments, ie the towels, I find a face and snarky "Thanks for that" works quite well. If it's outright rudeness, go with "sorry, what?" She'll be forced to repeat or back off. "Why would you say that?" also quite good.

Original poster
mampam · 20/02/2010 19:27

Just had a thought...I don't think she is like it to just me. Her DH's best friend can't stand her and his DF refuses to go to their house because she finds her so rude. She's also like it to her family.

Her mum once told me about an incident where friend had walked over to her house with DC's in the rain and was in a strop because they had all got wet. When it was time to go home her mum offered her a lift and halfway home (she lives a 3 minute drive away from her mum's house) she told her mum to stop the car and that her and DC's would walk the rest of the way because her mum had a blanket laid out on the back seat and the DC's car seats shouldn't be on it, they should just be sat on the actual seat. So her mum told her not to be silly and then her poor mum had to get out of the car in the rain and take the blanket off the seat.
Her mum told me that when they got to friends house she helped them in and left straight away, as she was shutting the door she heard friend say.."thanks for nothing".

I think she's very ungrateful and expects everything to come to her as soon as she clicks her fingers. Her DH works 2 jobs and she doesn't herself work.

Think more distancing is needed by me perhaps. Don't think I've got it in me to tell her I don't want to be friends with her anymore. My mum has suggested that next time she/DC's and DH turn up on the doorstep unexpectedly to just pretend that we are on our way out and to turn them away.

OP posts:
brimfull · 20/02/2010 19:27

Shes getting an ego kick from putting you down.
Ask her where she went to charm school?

PerArduaAdNauseum · 20/02/2010 19:30

I'm wondering if she's the reason you don't have many other friends - maybe she's scaring them off! Ditch her and pal up with yr DH's BF and DF