to think my so called friend is being quite rude to me?

[mampam]

It's really hacking me off because I think my friend is incredibly rude. Here are some of the things she has said/done:

When telling her that DH's hours had been halved at work and that we were up financial shit creek she replies....."the first thing you want to do is sell some of that crap you've got in your garage".

When turning up unexpectedly for lunch, I offer her a sandwich and a packet of crisps..."I only ever eat crap when I'm at your house".

I invited her DC's over for my DS's birthday tea and her 2 year old gets down from the table with an ice-cream cone and start roaming around my living room and climbing on my sofa's with it. I tell him to come and sit at the table with the ice-cream about 3 times to which he says "NO". Friend says..... "he's usually quite good with things like that". WTF?

I used to pass on DS's clothes to her as her eldest DS is 5 months younger. One particular time I gave her a big bagful and she proceeded to pick through it, making faces and holding things up saying..."what the hell is that?" I've never passed anything on since.

We got a rescue cat who is a bit shy and generally a bit of a nutcase she says...."you always get pets with something wrong with them". We've got a rabbit and a guinea pig but nothing 'wrong' with them to my knowledge.

For my 30th birthday she bought me some cream to rub on my belly to stop itching (I'm currently pg) saying..."I was going to buy you some Bio-Oil but I didn't think there was any point as you've already got stretch marks".

Once when at my house she was getting her DC's coats and shoes on ready to leave when my exH arrived to pick up the children. Was out in the hallway sorting DC's out and seeing them off, when I returned to the living room friends DC's were eating yoghurts, friend says...."oh I just helped myself to a couple of yoghurts from your fridge for the boys". I felt like screaming "you're on your way out the door FFS, surely they can wait 15 minutes til they get home"

The list goes on but I'd be here all day. Do you think this is rude or is it just my PG hormones?

How rude, and your friends with her because??????? Sorry would rather have no friends than ones like that. She does that because you allow her to, give her a taste of her own medicine

I've started using "Did you mean that to sound as rude as it did?" Then you can point out that perhaps they should consider how things sound before they say them and give examples if you want.

I also like heated's "In the 15 minutes you've been here, you criticised and been rude about...(long list) - why do you do that? How do you think it makes me feel about our friendship?"

If it carries on, can you just keep contact with godchild alone? Could her mum help?

she sounds like an ex friend of mine.
sounds like she has foot in mouth disease.
apart from the yoghurt pinching

howver you say you have been friends for 15 years???
if you have put up with her this long perhaps it is your pregnancy hormones. surely otherwise you would have got rid already?

she must have some redeeming features?

I'm not sure whether she says those things because she is looking down her nose at us or whether it's because of some kind of silly jealousy thing or maybe she is just like that and doesn't mean anything at all by it.

She does suffer from depression. Recently she had been awful with it, crying at the drop of a hat, not coping with her children. She always tries to make out however that she is a better mum than me.(I just do things differently to her that's all) She only went back to the GP's who put her back on AD's because she told me that she had been screaming at her DC's (6 and 2) and then sat on the sofa and started crying. Her 6 year old DS said to her " it's alright mummy, don't cry, you've just got something wrong with your brain!".

I think she's a bit neurotic too. Her DH was sent abroad to work for 1 week and she was sobbing before he'd even left this country. She kept on and on to me "what am I going to do without him". In the end I lost patience with her and replied "if I managed to look after 2 DC's when I was a single parent for over a year and my DC's were younger than yours, then I'm sure you can cope on your own for 1 week !" The next time her DH went, she went with him for 3 days and then buggered off to another country to see one of her old friends for 10 days on her own. She wasn't sobbing then.

I just think she couldn't stand the thought of her DH doing something new and her being left at home to look after the DC's. She's one of these that has her parents and PIL's running around after her and DC's and palms the DC's off at weekends to them. That still doesn't stop her from telling me that I'm a part time parent because every other weekend my DC's go and stay at their dad's. I would give my right arm to have my DC's at home with me on those weekends and miss them terribly. It really hurts being referred to as 'part time' when I have no choice in the matter.

We haven't been close friends for 15 years, only since we have had our DS's, mine is 5 months older than her eldest.

DH can't stand her and tbh my exH couldn't stand her either. I've not just noticed this since I've been PG has been more so in the last 18 months really.

you need a break from her. i am sure that will help

Yes a break is definitely what is needed. I'm already trying to distance myself from her and am using being PG as an excuse not to go around to their house etc

Would it work to write her a letter? She probably doesn't realise that she is being rude. If you are feeling unsure about saying things to her face, maybe you could write it down - just list the examples - and say that you are feeling a bit delicate and that these things that have been said/done are upsetting you.

have you ever called her on it? as in

'what the fuck? are you always this much of a tactless bitch?'

I find this does the trick...

Sounds like your really not happy with your friendship, I would rather have no friends than have a friend like this!!

Does she take for granted she's your only close friend and does she use this? I had a so called friend who was very open with her veiws this led me to believe i could be open and honest with her,not the case though these types of people can dish it out but they can't take it. Although it's probably not your character try giving her some of her own medicine. She'll soon get the message good luck

Perhaps if you give yourself a bit of space you will find new friends. If people know what she's like then they may give her, and you as her friend, a bit of a wide berth. With new friends you might feel as though you have less invested in this friendship and be able to use the many, excellent one-liners already suggested (all of which I have noted down for future reference). She sounds very insecure and very unhappy but she needs to learn the hard way, I'm afraid. No-one needs to be around a 'friend' who only feels good when they're putting someone else down.

I just think you need to ditch her. I had a long standing friend like this. I put up with over 20 years of her moaning and put downs. The final straw came with something silly, we had gone shopping, I was looking for a suitcase and everytime I looked at one she would say "come on, you dont need that". I suggested going for a coffee and she told me she didnt have her purse . So I said I would treat her. We also had an ice cream type pudding and as she was often fond of telling me, she 'couldnt afford to do stuff like that what with having 5 kids'. She very earnestly said "you know, you wouldn't survive on our money". I couldnt even buy her coffee and and ice cream without her pulling me apart for it. .

I walked out of her house a day later and have never contacted her again

Yikes she sounds truly toxic. Might be tempting to stick by her during the depression but she sounds really bad for you! Anyway, I've had depression on and off for 10 years and I'm a darn good friend TYVM, so no excuse there

I'd hazard a guess she treats you like that because she knows you don't have many other close friends. Ergo she can get away with it more IYSWIM.

Wow that's the first time I just used 'ergo' in a thread.

3m

Ditch her and you'll find that you suddenly start making more friends.
And ditch her now.
Like, now.
I got rid of someone a bit like this (albeit with repercussions...) last year.
Do I miss her?
Do I buggery.
You do not need people like this in your life.
The towels thing has just reminded me of something she said, actually.
DP and I are members at a gym near here, and we get lots of free passes, which ex-friend and son used to use to come swimming. One day she came over to go swimming, and I was packing my swim bag. DS was in a phase of pulling clean towels off the radiator and leaving them on the clean floor. I picked one up and stuffed it into my bag.
"So, that's the clean one is it, the one on the floor?"
I snapped at her for that: "The floor's clean and I'm not spending my life picking them up!" and she just went quiet.
yeah....just sack her off.

Just read through the rest of the thread...she really sounds like my ex-friend, and I found that my second pregnancy really made me evaluate things - i'd started getting annoyed every time i saw her beforehand, but when I was PG and knackered, I just realised that I didn't want to spend time (which would be in increasingly short supply) with her.
She too, did the "I'm a better parent than you....I care more about your DS than you do" thing.
We have quite a few other friends, and she just behaved with increasing rudeness around them - put-downs, odd behaviour....forcedly dropping into convos how long she'd known us, and I could see people thinking "WTF" more and more often.
Deffo get rid, and you'll find people come flocking.