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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

farting in front of DH?

189 replies

MrsSawdust · 17/02/2010 20:35

We have been together for 18 years, married for 14 years and have a 1 yr old DD.

My DH is becoming increasingly upset about me letting off wind when he is anywhere in the vicinity. I'm pretty certain this never used to bother him - or at least he didn't tell me if it did.

The thing is, he thinks it's ok for him to fart in front of me anytime he feels like it. He's quite adamant that 'the rest of society' thinks it's ok for a man to fart in front of a woman but not ok for a woman to fart in front of her man. He's so certain of this fact, he actually ASKED me to post this on MN to prove me wrong.

I've told him to get over it.

AIBU? I'm genuinely starting to doubt myself here.

OP posts:
AngeChica · 17/02/2010 22:59

Guff stroll...

farting in Pringle tube...

Renaming home The Fartings...

Fart acronyms...

Crop dusting...

Seriously, I would like a psychiatrist to come and tell me why I am so puerile and these things make me giggle til my knacked up pelvic floor lets me down? I come from a very farty family so I'm not repressed!?

AngeChica · 17/02/2010 23:01

SayHitIsntSo x post re pelvic floor stress!

AngeChica · 17/02/2010 23:05

Slightly off tangent, I work with this sweet old duffer academic type and have recently moved to an open plan office. It's therefore been exposed that he basically sits there and trumps away loudly all day. I don't think he even registers that he's doing it as he never excuses himself or passes comment. Anyway, it's killing me as I have to keep running off and hiding round the corner and PMSL whenever he does it.

fluffyguineapigs · 17/02/2010 23:33

Pmsl or actually farting with laughter at this thread - my dh asked if something was wrong because I appeared to be farting and crying.

My dh farts in front of me (and anyone - he's not particularly discriminating) all the time, and it drives me mad. Particularly when he uses it as an exclaimation mark in conversation and cocks his leg while making 'a point' and sayng 'whohoo'. He has a possibly limitless supply of wind power and should consider selling this back to the national grid.

It annoys me because he is not 14 ffs, however the more annoyed I get, the more he does it. My attempts to claw the moral high ground are undermined a bit as although I sometimes am soo mad at him, I cannot keep a straight face. Bugger!

The worst ones though are bed farts. The silent ones that assault your nostrils just before you are about to fall into sleep. He has really toxic farts which even he gags at, but now I get out a lavender spray and swoosh a bit in his general direction. He hates that smell, I hate his smell so we are quits. He doesn't do it so much now in bed.

The ironic thing is that for two years he didn't fart in front of me, and I thought it was rather nice. The first time he farted he trumped rather loudly on a romantic woodland walk. Obviously I noticed but gamely decided to continue as if nothing had happened. He told me later that it had been deliberate and was a test to see if quote to see if I was 'future wife material' as he would not be with someone who he could not be himself with, which is rather sweet.

I am def not blameless in this department but farts are definately more funny when used sparingly.

BTW we don't call them farts, they are either 'air biscuits' or 'letting one go' as in "ooh it's a bit eggy in here, have you let one go?"

supersalstrawberry · 17/02/2010 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigMomma3 · 17/02/2010 23:45

My DH (rarely does them, his arse is iron clad)is always mortally offended if I can't hold one in especially in the kitchen and with this pregnancy it's like a machine gun bloody firing. What makes it worse is that I am uncontrollably infantile about it and laugh even more when he's berating me about it.

My worst farting moment was doing one in a senior partner's office of very large finance house in London. I was so nervous about working with him (new job) and had been desperately bottom clenching but one just escaped and it was smelly!! We both just looked at each other and carried on talking while I tried not to faint from embarassment. I called in sick the next day and never went back. First and only job I lost due to a fart!!

supersalstrawberry · 17/02/2010 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarineIguana · 18/02/2010 00:00

You've got to fart! I would be most unimpressed if DP was allowed to fart away and not me.

I do warn him though if we're lying on the sofa, so he has a chance to move his leg/head/whatever further away from my arse.

He farts like a train but thinks it is OK as long as you fart into a cushion, thereby "filtering" the smell

However I have a slightly annoying veggie friend who eats vast amounts of pulses etc. and farts non-stop with no shame. She announces "sorry I've just done a smelly fart" (not sounding sorry at all). I don't like that, it's a bit weird with a friend. Farts are for lovers!

MrsFlittersnoop · 18/02/2010 00:09

DG trumps all the time - punctuation to conversation dontchano.. - but Lawks a Mussy and Heaven Forbid if I ever dare let rip in front of him.

It is Unladylike and Unbecoming apparently.....

Never let it stop me however. After a horrendous 3 hour second-stage labour my poor botty has never been quite the same...

DH and I both have IBS as well. This is partly why we both work from home these days. High ceilings help keep the air circulation flowing.

We have farting competitions with DS.

OP - tell your DH to PHROOOUUGH off!

Vallhala · 18/02/2010 00:34

Shiney and I are in the rare minority. I'll talk about anything (well, when you've had 2 DC and left your dignity on the doorstep of the maternity hospital, plus had breast cancer and had the world, it's wife and it's rugby team prodding your boobs you have to, don'tcha?), but f... no, I can't even say the word, that's a no-no.

I was taught that the polite thing to do was to carry on as if nothing had happened, whether it was me or someone else who had... well, you know.

But in all other respects, anally retentive I ain't!

BrahmsThirdRacket · 18/02/2010 00:44

Oh this thread is hilarious.

However. I really do not guess this 'It's not a proper relationship if you don't guff/wee/poo/whatever in front of each other' thing. I have never (audibly) farted in front of any man. I would always make a huge effort not to - mostly it is possible to make it silent! (disclaimer: have not yet given birth, and intend baby to exit through sunroof only should this ever occur). There is generally no NEED to fart loudly in front of anyone!

DP never farts in my presence either, except once when he was asleep and he didn't realise. Bless.

CardyMow · 18/02/2010 02:47

Roffle roffle LMFAO! Dp and I both have IBS, and trying to hold them in? I don't think so! As long as the guilty party says pardon (and apologises/warns if smelly) we have no problem farting in front of each other. In fact, DP, DS1 and DS2 often have farting contests. But they ALL lose to DD! So I hope her future partner is ok with farts, or they'll have a problem! In fact a frequent phrase in our house is "Sorry I think something crawled up there and died".... In fact I just let off a rumbler as I was typing this! Pardon me!

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 18/02/2010 02:56

I don't fart in front of mine on purpose, but every now and then it can't be helped, so I mutter an excuse me and move on. And I expect the same from him. The double standard is totally unreasonable.

And yes, I realise this makes me sound repressed! If it's any consolation, I am very much enjoying these stories. Notanumber, you are my day's heroine.

helenwombat · 18/02/2010 04:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

probono · 18/02/2010 05:38

oh excellent

running out of the kitchen to fart then running back, but you haven't run far enough because he can still hear you in the sitting room

very good

I've got an image now

probono · 18/02/2010 05:51

lovely people like natasha kaplinsky never fart

Chandon · 18/02/2010 08:36

Well, I think you should both not fart in front of eachother.

Go to another room, or the loo!

Or outside if it´s really bad (beans etc.

Tis the sort of thing that kills romance.

Tell him you stop when he´ll stop.

heQet · 18/02/2010 08:40

I really really try to not break wind in front of anyone - including my husband. He never breaks wind in front of me either.

rimmer08 · 18/02/2010 08:47

oh my days! sixty i am also a teacher and have done this before- i did it in an assembly once and three rows of students had to hold their noses. one lad turned to another and called him a dirty bastard!

Rachiesparrow · 18/02/2010 09:02

He is being ridiculous. It's only wind FFS. If he wants you to stop he must stop too.

ThePhantomFemaleFarter · 18/02/2010 09:47

PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP!!!

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Mr Sawdust!!!

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/02/2010 09:50

whats his name gino?

i fart, we all fart, its natural

dh likes to nestle inbetween my legs on the sofa, he knows he is likely to be farted on

i think he pushes the gas out with the pressure of his head - so on his head be it

pjmama · 18/02/2010 09:52

My DH is just the same, squeamish about me farting but perfectly happy to guff himself silly in front of me. He recently had a strop with me for farting in front of our DCs, saying I was setting a bad example to them on what was socially acceptable. I replied that its socially acceptable for 3yos to fart when, where and as loudly as they like, preferrably followed by copious giggling! Tis the one joke that is universally funny.

MuffinToptheMule · 18/02/2010 09:53

I fart far too much in front of dp although he is getting pretty bad too.
Yesterday at work I really needed to fart but held it in. When dp picked me up I got in the car and let rip. The fart lasted for about 4 seconds and I pretended it was so powerful that I shot up from the seat and hit my head on the roof. He said, 'A simple hello would have sufficed'.
I also wait till he spoons me in bed and then I do a massive fart on him.

I am actually crying with laughter here. I was brought up in a non farting household so I find farts so so funny.

badgermonkey · 18/02/2010 09:56

I love notanumber's Guff Stroll - I call it the Trump'n'run and it works best when you've put kids in groups with people they don't particularly like. Stand back and watch the bickering commence!