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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that paying rent when a person gets a job at age 16 is a good idea!

102 replies

BritFish · 17/02/2010 12:22

backstory: My DC's both paid rent once they got jobs at age 16, working in cafe and in supermarket [like his mum, how embarassing ]

They paid £30 a month, and then both went off to uni, but if they had stayed at home and got full time jobs that rent would have been increased a lot, obviously.

Someone at work was talking about this the other day, and a few people were expressing anger at their child paying to 'stay in their own home'

I see getting a job when you leave school as pretty much a given, as giving pocket money when they're old enough to earn their own is a bit ridiculous to be honest
and we all have to pay bills later in life, so starting them off gently now isnt such a bad thing is it!
am i being totally unreasonable in thinking getting a job and paying a bit of rent at 16 is normal!

OP posts:

heQet · 17/02/2010 12:27

I think paying your way is important - even in the parental home - once you have left education (not necessarily school, you might go to college, or uni and if your parents are able to continue to fund you through this, then I think that's helpful)

I see many people in their 20s (and some in their 30s!) who still live with their parents - because they work and have no bills to pay and get their washing and cooking done!

Muggins or what?! You are actually not helping your child by doing this sort of thing. It is a parent's role to prepare their children to live independently (or as independently as possible. Mine, for example, will probably need some level of support for life) And the big thing about standing on your own two feet is knowing that everything costs! Staying comfy with mum and dad is not being an adult.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 17/02/2010 12:27

Do you mean your dc paid rent from their part-time earnings?

I paid rent to my parents when I was 16, but I went straight into full-time employment.

CMOTdibbler · 17/02/2010 12:29

I think that once they are not in full time (or pretty much full time) education, they should learn that living costs money, and that food/housing/utilities/phone/toiletries do not just magically appear. I remember someone I was friendly with a long time ago going from living rent free with her parents to being married with a house, and just not having a clue as to where to start with budgeting etc.

If the amount of rent doesn't matter to the parent, then they can always save it to put towards a house deposit for the child in question

darcymum · 17/02/2010 12:29

I wouldn't charge them rent if it was only a Saturday job and they are still in school. If they gave up school I would.

I would make them buy their own clothes and stuff though.

But YANBU you do what you think is best.

lilacclaire · 17/02/2010 12:30

yanbu, I always paid 'dig money' to my mum, even during periods I was unemployed and getting jsa.

Earlybird · 17/02/2010 12:31

I wouldn't ask for rent from part time earnings.

And I might not be inclined to ask for rent from full time wages at that young age - but would expect that they should be saving significantly...perhaps toward a property deposit.

BetterBitOfButter · 17/02/2010 12:33

No not at all, I lived at home for a year after starting F/T work at 18 and expected to pay rent - it went without saying! From 16 to 18 whilst doing A levels I had a part time job and therefore no financial assistance from parents (ie clothes, lunches, going out etc) but did not pay rent until I worked full time

GetOrfMoiLand · 17/02/2010 12:34

Rent from PT earnings - no. I remember when I was 13 onwards and eanred some money during hols and weekends, out of my wages I was allowed to keep a fiver and the rest went to my (old fashioned) gran as 'keep'. I think that is unfair.

If you are working FT and have completed education, yes you need to pay rent.

brimfull · 17/02/2010 12:36

If still at school with part time job I wouldn't ask for rent. God let them enjoy their little bit of money and being a teen for a little while atleast.
If they left school and were full time I would def ask for rent

tummytime · 17/02/2010 12:36

I think it is fair enough when working full time or at least not in full time education. I got a saturday job on my 16th birthday working in a supermarket. I didn't have to pay rent but I didn't get pocket money and had to pay for driving lessons/ clothes/ going out/ food when not at home etc.

A year later my school were furious because I basically wasn't working hard enough for A levels when I only had one day off a week. It would have been much harder to give up work to concentrate on schooling if I'd felt like I was letting my parents down as well by not paying rent (and they could have used it.)

Rockbird · 17/02/2010 12:36

I think I'm with Earlybird. I wouldn't ask for rent from part time earnings or earnings while they were still in full time education but I would force encourage them to save something. I earnt a fortune between 14 and 18 and squandered the lot. I was foolish, could have had a nice little nest egg there.

Pikelit · 17/02/2010 12:38

Both dcs had a gap year (ds1 never quite closed the gap as it happens!) during which they worked in shops. Both used their earnings from these jobs to save for specific things - in ds1's case for travelling and working in Australia. I didn't charge either of them rent until they'd left uni/college or came back to get "proper" jobs but equally, I didn't buy clothes, give any allowances, subsidise their social lives or their holidays. They were expected to cook, do their own washing and behave independently in every other respect but I'd said that I would support them (this mainly meaning not taking rent) until they'd finished their higher education and this is what I did.

It's no hardship if a working child is expected to make a contribution to the overall household expenses. They might as well get used to the idea that nothing comes for nothing!

brimfull · 17/02/2010 12:39

I don't charge dd anything , although she is earning about £250 a month.
She is doing A levels and saving for gap year.

sayithowitis · 17/02/2010 12:41

If they are still in education and this is a part-time job, personally I would not take housekeeping from them. After all, if they are in full time education (not uni) up to age 19 you still get CTC and child benefit for them. If however, they have left school and consequently you are no longer getting any benefits for them, I think it is reasonable that they give you something. When DS1 took a gap year and was earning, we took a token amount off him towards his food. Of course, now he is at uni, even with a ratn and loans, we are still having to subsidise him so he is getting back all that he paid and then some!

DS2 has a pt job in a shop but we don't take anything from him because he is still in education. Should he leave college and continue to work there, we will take from him to help pay his share of the food bills.

Morloth · 17/02/2010 12:43

If we were at home and studying then it was free whether working part time or not. But if at home and not studying then we paid board.

PeachyPeachyEverPreachy · 17/02/2010 12:44

Hmmmm

It varies i think and has to be approached with reason

I ahd to pay rent and that was fine but my course(I was on a bursary) sometimes meant lots ofpetrol to get topalcements and I couldn'tafford anything except the rent and petrol, had it been my kids I would have dropped it at those times,and indeed finances were a majorreason for me dropping out.

DH had to pay market rent, he ws working PT and studying FT. He would also be thrown out if his grades dropped from A, he ended up having a nervous breakdown.

But i do think kids should contribute within their means. I don't see a job as a given,depends on what theya re studying, where you live (wrt to trasnport etc) and what's available.

Pikelit · 17/02/2010 12:50

I had the simplest rule - in f/t education you don't pay rent. Out of it you do.

Original poster

BritFish · 17/02/2010 12:53

sorry, should have clarified, i mean a job alongside college.
not a paper round or anything as small as that, of course! when they turned 16 and were then needing money for treats/clothes/outings more regularly.
yes, i did get child benefit money for them, but that went into the main household pot to pay for food/bills.
because their bills and food costs more than the benefit covers.
i didnt take the money to cover this, if that was the issue it would have probably been more! i did it to teach them about organising their money.
also, part of the money they both gave me is sitting in a joint savings account for them. this is for the future, for weddings/babies/emergencies.
i also encouraged them to save for uni, and they both did, as i made it very clear that unless they were literally starving to death, i wouldnt be giving them any money on top of the loans/grants/bursarys!

OP posts:

lottiebunny · 17/02/2010 12:56

I had a weekend job and had to pay £10 a week to mum for keep. I also had the highest EMA so that's another £30 a week on top of my £80 a week wages. Mum nicely pointed out to me that this meant I had more free cash than she did which wasn't fair so the keep was to even things up. Explained that way I didn't begrudge paying it.

I also had to buy my own clothes and toiletries (only if I wanted specific items) but she would still buy me things as presents (like cute tops in the sale) which were appreciated more.

I plan to do the same thing when I am in that position as I think it taught me the value of money ie everything was thought of in hours of work.

LisaD1 · 17/02/2010 13:01

Yanbu and imo doing your DC's a favour by teaching them about financial responsibility.

We grew up with not a great deal of money and my parents took rent from me as soon as I had my first job (16), my dad also made me sign up for a pension plan at 17/18. It was the best thing for me financially, I still have the same pension and have been so used to paying into it that I never really notice it and the best bit of all was when I left home (at 21) my dad gave me back every penny I had given them in rent (almost 9k -which was a lot of money 20yrs ago) and it set me up very nicely for getting my first home.

I don't "need" rent money from my children but I will be taking it from them as soon as they are in employment and doing what my parents did with me.

sayithowitis · 17/02/2010 13:02

Maybe you should have explained all that in your OP!

When I mentioned Child Benefit, I was merely saying that since you were already getting money for them, it seemed a bit harsh taking more from them out of PT earnings. However, you had not explained things at that point and tbh, it did sound as though you were taking it from them for their keep.

FWIW, I think very few of us who have taken money towards housekeeping ever really take what it costs, but then my opinion is that there are certain costs that don't change regardless of how many are in the house. Mortgage/rent, council tax etc and I didn't therefore expect DS1 to contribute towards those expenses when he was earning a small pt income during his gap year.

LisaD1 · 17/02/2010 13:03

Sorry, meant to say, if I did need the money towards the general running of the house then I would not feel bad at all about taking it, once you're out there in the big working world then I think it's important to learn that you need to pay your way.

upahill · 17/02/2010 13:17

This is quite interesting because eldest Ds wants to leave school at 16. I would rather he didn't but it is not my life. I have made it clear he is not to be a 'NEET' kid though.

I have said if he does get an apprenticship (sp) or what ever he ends up doing then contributes to the household finances as well as taking on more domestic roles i.e. doing his own washing helping more. What he doesn't know is that I intend to put any money he gives me into a bank account until he is ready to leave home so he has a lump sum to get him going.
My reasons are:
1 I'm not broke and could quite easy keep him (at the moment anyway things may change - I can't see into the future)
2 He can't expect a cushy life for nothing. He will have to get used to the fact that all your income isn't necessary your own. The only income you have is what is left after you pay your bills.

I hve told DC since they were small about money - with your wages 1/3 for bills 1/3 for saving 1/3 do what you like!

imaginewittynamehere · 17/02/2010 13:57

Not if in FT education no. I see it as my job to support my daughters until they leave FT education. If they chooses to get a job to earn extra money I would see that as sensible & not penalise them for it by taking rent. I would however encourage them to save. TBH I don't really see stopping pocket money once they get a job as fair either, unless I suppose you tell them in advance that it is going to stop at a certain age anyway wheter they get a job or not.

FairyCakeBump · 17/02/2010 14:02

I think it's a good idea, even if it's only a nominal amount, just so they get used to paying something. I can see the mistakes my parents made with me, my brother and sister and I won't be repeating them. My sister has just got her first full-time job now and doesn't want to give my mum anything, because my brother works full-time and doesn't give her anything. My brother earns a pittance and borrows money from everyone, so always owes more than he earns. I think my mum feels sorry for him and wants him to sort himself out first before asking for anything, but it's never going to happen.

I worked out the percentage of income I gave in keep when I lived at home and worked full-time and explained to my mum how to work it out for my brother and sister - but apparently that's still 'not fair' even though working it out that way actually went in my sister's favour!

This has turned into a bit of a rant... Yeah.

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